If I (mother) were to die, how would I ensure dc still see step-parent?

[blueskiespls]

I'm sorry this is a bit negative this time of year! But it's something that has crossed my mind.
Is there anything you can put in place, like in your Will or something?
I have 2 dc, they spend most of week with me and my fiancé and the rest of week with their dad.
They are really close to my dp, and we are planning TTC after our wedding next year.
I know it's morbid... but If I died while they are still young, can I put anything in place so that they still see their sibling (if there is one) and stepdad? As I assume they would go to live with their dad full time.
Obviously need to speak to ex about this one day... but just wondered if anyone else had considered this?

We (DH and I) were advised at one point that we could, jointly, seek a residence order in respect of my older children, to cover exactly that kind of eventuality.

We didn't in the end, because he adopted them instead, but it may be an option for you.

I suppose it will depend if you currently have split residence or residence and contact (??)

I was advised that if I died DC's father would be responsible for their care and would make decisions such as their contact with relatives and step parents. The only time this may not occur is where the surviving parent chooses not to take in their own DC, or is deemed unsuitable to do so.

It's a tough one but I feel you have to accept that DC's father is their other parent and as such has a right to make these decisions. In our case we have managed to achieve an amicable coparenting set up where DC's dad appreciate the love and support that their step dad provides. As such I feel that he would facilitate access to their step dad if I was to die.

I worry about this - I'm in your partner's shoes and find it hard to deal with the thought that if something happened to her I'd lose contact with the kids. She's pregnant and our baby is due in April.

I know her parents would support them living with me and I actually think he may opt for it too, but the lack of security makes it a worry anyway.

Thank you... it is an interesting one.
We do have an amicable parenting relationship. It has taken time as these things do!
We don't have any court things or anything like that. We went to mediation at one point to get it all sorted. But we have a routine that works for us. We're both flexible when needed etc...
I would 100% agree they would go to their dads (he's a great dad) but I know they would want to still see their stepdad. And also he would keep my 'memory' alive as it were. Feel awful even talking about this!

@NewLevelsOfTiredness it must be something that blended families think about but I have googled and looked it up and it's barely mentioned anywhere.

I worry about this a lot.
My DD’s dad moved to another continent and relinquished parental responsibility so she is solely mine.
I also have a DS from a subsequent marriage who I have predominant custody of (dad sees him once a week and EOW).
If something were to happen to me I hope that my ExH would be kind enough to keep up regular contact between my DS and my DD. Upon my death DD would either go to my mum, or my brother and SIL. DS would go to his dad.
If my ExH is under no legal obligation to maintain contact between the siblings, although I doubt he’d stop them seeing each other.

It is genuinely an issue which worries me greatly and has kept me up at night. A solicitor advised me that the guardian of my DD could always apply for visitation on her behalf but it isn’t guaranteed. For example if I died and ExH got full custody of DS then there’s nothing to stop him moving away with him and away from his sister

I think you should include your wishes as part of your will but you need to speak to both your ex and your DP, so they know what you want to happen and it’s something you can all agree on. Ultimately it’s up to your ex (and DP to want to maintain contact) but I would think most loving parents want as much normality around their child as possible in such a situation and, as your DP gets on with your children and will have been a fixture in their lives, will not want to unnecessarily put them through a double loss.

I think including your wishes in your will would be a good start. This means that it's there in black and white, it may not be legally binding but any reasonable person would attempt to carry out your wishes.