Is this unreasonable? Dp nothing about stepkids!

[Spanglyprincess1]

I think I might be being a grumpy - is this not okay?
Dp and ex have a bad relationship to point we are going down the formal route to get everything set in stone.
We have a four month old and see his kids 50%.
We went out for this first-time as a couple post birth for a night out to see a band. It was great.
However, he was messaging his ex during the night (nothing urgent) just kids pics and then wow hasn't this place Ahmed as we were in her hometown.
I'm properly properly annoyed as it was our only night out together in around five months. I get if it was an emergency but it wasn't. Also why is he even messaging memory type crap anyway as he says he hates her - seems wierd (divorced 6 years)
Am I being grouchy or is a night just us reasonable?

Well I would be annoyed, yes. How long have you two been together?

With difficulties with the ex I would say one night when he could focus on the two of you - that would be reasonable.

Over two years.

That’s some serious nostalgia on his part. Could he not have kept it to himself?

Ex now knows you were out together and he was thinking of her/their past.

I would be extremely hurt as this would scream volumes about how he views me.

Who decided to go to this?

His idea as a band he liked. It was really nice nice night otherwise but I'm not impressed

By memory lane it was wow Look at this place do you remember xyz and it still looks the same.
Not personal but also not nessisary at all

Some people get a kick out of making others feel jealous. He could have messaged her without your even knowing. Telling you is about making you jealous so he feels that everyone wants him

The two things don’t match bad relationship does not equal messaging nostalgic memory messages

Meh it's just odd. I'm very unjelous he is friends with an ex he saw after divorced and I don't care at all.
It's just odd to text when we are on a nice night out, he spends all his life chasing her about kids or with his chidlten or our child. It was nice to have a night off from all that and I'm disappointed that he couldn't respect that and instead of ignoring her volunteers dwhere we were and happily messaged about stuff that was irrelevant. If they were friends I could get it but they don't get on normally at all - it's wierd!

He sounds like he is trying to make u jealous.
You are not being grouchy, he is out of order here there was no need to message her at all.

Yep I agree dont match ! They are normally at each others throats over one thing or another usually money or acess. So it's bizarre

‘At each other’s throats’ is still some sort of emotional connection. So it’s not necessarily bizarre. The ultimate aim with an ex is to feel meh, not at each other’s throats. So maybe there’s some ground to cover between them to let go of the past. It would make me very cagey.

How are things otherwise??

I'd not be happy at all; my husband communicates with his ex wife only for practical purposes related to his children, not for any other reason. He feels very much indifferent towards her now after all these years, there is no emotional connection left which to me is essential. I bear her no ill will as they split years before I met my husband and she bears me none either so when we meet we're polite and talk to each other without a problem but I wouldn't want my husband to text to reminisce etc.

Yeah it's odd - my exh messages me rarely but it's to update me on his family as his dad is very ill and I still see the occasionally due to this ( the family not exh).
I find it odd!!

Yep I’d be annoyed too. He’s being crap. Would it be okay for you to message your ex in the same way? I doubt it. It was your one night out too, what a shame.

My DP and his Ex were often volatile, well she was with him tbh. I didn’t like it, it’s an emotional connection.

Your DP needs a massive kick.

How long were they together? I agree that if you dislike someone you don't send reminiscences texts.

I would not be keen to update Ex at all.