Am I being a cow or is this reasonable?

[IggityZiggityZoom]

DSS is 16 and DSD is 12. We have them EOW and half the holidays. The only chore we ask is that they alternate loading the dishwasher and unloading it. So one day DSS does it and the other DSD does it. They feel this unreasonable and expect to do nothing to help. They leave their rooms an absolute pig sty. I just went to take out a baking tray and it's caked in cooked in food that wasn't cleaned off but just shoved in the dishwasher and then the drawer. I'm at the point of saying forget it and just do it all but DH thinks we should persevere.

What's your DH actually doing about it, though? Is he doing any communication regarding it at all, with them?

The DCs could pick other jobs to do. I hate certain chores, don't mind others. Was like that as a teenager, too.

Sounds fair to me!! DH and I have 7 children between us (not all at home anymore) and they'd all be expected to do this and more.

They are being unreasonable. Time for a frank discussion or the WiFi goes off.

Is this all they have to do ? If so they got it easy my 5 year old can load and empty the dishwasher with no moaning they all pitch in and do a lot more that that they r being unreasonable not u x

I'd be giving them more chores, no excuse not to learn to keep a house tidy at their age.
Need to persevere.

It's unreasonable. It's a teeny-tiny thing to do. They should be doing much more by that age.
Rooms should be sorted as well.
Thinking what my 9 and 7 yr olds do - clear table after each meal, clothes into washing basket, put clean clothes away, tiny rooms and toys. 9 yr old usually cooks egg-something for his weekend breakfast.
They could unload the dishwasher in the old house, but not this one, as the plates and cups are too high. And I suspect many other kids do more than this.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to help. Maybe they would make a better job of a different chore?
My SC's could be a bit messy but were generally fairly cooperative if asked to help. I think we got the 'why should I?' once or twice to which I also replied 'well, why shouldn't you?' In a home everyone should do their bit.

At 16 and 12 they should absolutely be doing more than this. My DC are much younger and do way more chores than this.

Your DH is not wrong and you should absolutely persevere, although this is very much for him to take the lead. Not you.
I would personally suggest that he sits them down and asks them what chores it is they are happy to help with and give them a choice. With the warning that if they are not given a choice, the chores will get given. Then it is for him to enforce.

My DC will get called back up from downstairs if I go into their rooms and see wet towels left on the floor. Used to have to do that every day. Now I never have to do it. Chores/ pulling your weight/ having empathy to want to help others in your family. These are all critically important life lessons that children need to learn.

Step back and let your DH handle this.
And if you just start doing everything, then you exacerbate the problem.

Sounds like my kids! They need to be told off. No shouting or screaming but a firm asking them down, showing them the pan and saying its not acceptable. Expect them to blame each other. Its typical teenage behaviour but they need to be picked up on it.

DH does pull them up on it and has for years. I too have have told them how it makes me feel. One of them put a dirty baby bottle in the cupboard without having even shoved it through the dishwasher and in a fog I nearly reused it.

DH is afraid DSS will stop coming if he takes away his phone/turns the WiFi off. Their mum doesn't expect them to help at all which she happily verified. She said they are so bad at it that it's not worth it. I do think DSS will likely stop coming if we choose to die on this hill. But at the same time it seems irresponsible to launch a child into the world who feels this entitled.

At 16, your DSS can choose not to come anyway and him thinking he can manipulate his DF will not help that situation!
That said, he clearly does still want to come so my feeling would be your DH needs to get them to understand your house and rules are not the same as DM house and rules.
We had this for a while when DSC were younger but after I advised that a job done badly would lead to job being done till done properly, it sank in fairly quickly

That said, he clearly does still want to come so my feeling would be your DH needs to get them to understand your house and rules are not the same as DM house and rules.

Yes, that’s true. He does want to come. Does he like being at your house? I’d make sure it was a lovely place where he wanted to be, and then make sure he did his chores!

He has his own double bedroom here with en-suite. We made sure he had his own space kitted our exactly as he wanted it as an escape from the littlest ones. He actually adores the little two and is lovely to them. We try to do things he will like to do but there are compromises because we have 4 split over 13 years.

My dss at 16 used to put his dirty dishes on top of the clean ones on the draining board by the dishwasher when I said about it to dp he said ‘ no one is perfect , he doesn’t know what a draining board is ‘ he never bothered teaching him . Different rules for different houses 😦

they may be tired also. give them a break.

If they think it's reasonable...then they can do an alternative job.

They're being lazy.

Definitely don’t drop it, that is practically nothing already they have to do! Get dh to write a long list of all the available chores ,allocate them points for effort, sit the boys down and say you don’t seem happy with the one we chose so you can choose 5 points of chores. This should result in them doing more than just what you have them doing at the moment but tough shit