Step parenting

[q2307]

Hi. this is hard to do, but anyway here we go.

I am 27, i have a 7 year old son who i adopted from my brother, i also have 2 step daughters ages 8 and 5 and i came into their lives about 3 years ago. Both girls go to their mothers 3 weekends out of 4.

Lately i have been going through some crazy emotions that i cannot explain. I feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained, its like being a walnut in the walnut shell, i hide in my room in the mornings when i hear my girls wake up, i run to my room and hide in the toilet some afternoons/nights, i always make sure i am busy because if im not both girls are right there next to me, they are very clingy, always have to touch me, like even a finger has to be touching my skin, they would sit right next to me even though the other seats are free, they will sit and just stare at me, its hard to leave the house and go shopping cause they always want to come with me, i am always getting love notes from my 8yo, she has said she tells people im her real mum and that her real mum is her step mum, both girls call me mum, it wasn't forced or they weren't told too, it just happened and its up to them at the end of the day, i just feel like i am drowning and i cant come up for air, i really do love them and i try my hardest to show love, but sometimes its hard, and i want to change my attitude and my behaviour, they deserve soo much more from me. My relationship with my son is good, i can easily hug him, laugh with him, give him kisses, snuggle in bed with him, hes very independent, doesn't always need to be around you and goes off and does his own thing, hes always been like this, and i wish i had that with my girls, i really do, i want to be able to laugh with them, make jokes, do girlie things, love them up. is there something wrong with me?

My heart we t for you when I read that post. Sending you a big hug. At 27, you are mum to three children you didn't plan. That would be a challenge for anyone. You are doing a massive great job but it sounds like you are understandably drained and emotionally exhausted.

It's totally normal that you should feel this way, you've taken on so much so don't beat yourself up for it. Talk, talk, talk to your OH. Try to do it in a way that doesn't yield guilt in him or he is likely to turn difensive, make it clear you love the girls but you have embraced it all so much, you feel emotionally smothered and like you have lost all sense of independence. Discuss what would help and how you could have some 'me' time and 'he and you together' time. Good luck op, you are doing a fab job.

Oh wow OP, so young and the primary carer for three young children, none planned. I take my hat off to you.

Please don't beat yourself up over feeling this way. It is evident that you are feeling very overwhelmed and rightly so, it's a huge responsibility you have on your shoulders.

Let me ask , in your whole post, you don't mention your DP/ DH. How is your relationship with him? And how 'present' is he in terms of looking after all the DC (not just his girls?). Do you get time with just you and your DS?