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Step-parenting

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New to this! HELP

4 replies

TeleDot · 20/11/2018 20:25

I met my partner just over one year ago. I don't know if I want children and I was adamant I wouldn't meet his two children (5/7) till I was ready if ever. I was convinced he was just a bit of fun and freely told him so. He has them the majority of the week and I just saw him when he didn't. Suited me fine but he wanted more. I eventually gave in and agreed to meet them as daddy's friend. And it went really really well. We got on really really well. We took things very slow and they started having sleep overs at mine. I could see clearly that when they was with Mom they was neglected as could partner. He started having them more which again I was fine with. I saw them couple times a week as daddy's friend and then boom! They are pretty much with me 5/6 days a week. If I'm not working they are with me. They see there mom the other days and I see my partner alone then. In my opinion I feel I've been dropped in as second mom and maybe my partner wanted this. But what if I don't? He's a very good dad he dotes on them and does everything he should. They now have bedrooms at my house, I do there shopping, washing and clothes. But now they are comfy with me there behaviour has changed, the girl who is now 6 is so rude and nasty. But she's 6. She just needs teaching, and I do. I reward and show by example. I'm not a shouter so I never shout but I can get my point across. But then for example if she is acting like that when we are out all together I leave dad to say something or to discipline but he doesnt. He admits he over compensates and asked me to do it as they respond better. So I tried, they just look at me and then jump all over him and he just cuddles them and I'm sat like the evil witch. We will all start sitting together for example at the table and before you know it them three are one side and I'm the other and it hurts. It makes me feel and look awful. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't have children but I look after them like my own, but I make it clear I'm daddy's partner not there mom. I'm positive about mom to them I do everything I think is right. Am I signing myself up to a life of misery? I love him aNd care alot about his children and I do want it to work. I want to include them in everything for example we went away for a holiday as mom wanted them specifically for one particular week and I felt guilty. but I feel I'm always the bad guy no matter what I do, if I allow them to behave in a particular bad way it's embarrassing and teaches them nothing, If I set boundaries they just pull faces at Me and cuddle up to dad and he just melts. The mom bad mouths me constantly. I'm trying to give them a healthy safe and fun life and they are small children for Christ sake, but why am I parenting someone else's children with no support! Should I leave now before it gets too deep.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HeckyPeck · 20/11/2018 20:57

If I set boundaries they just pull faces at Me and cuddle up to dad and he just melts. The mom bad mouths me constantly. I'm trying to give them a healthy safe and fun life and they are small children for Christ sake, but why am I parenting someone else's children with no support! Should I leave now before it gets too deep.

This sounds like it’ll only get worse OP. I think I’d leave. Step parenting is hard enough with a partner who actually steps up and parents let alone with one who sets you up to fail by telling you to correct their behaviour for him then siding with them!

Run for the hills!

hamabr86 · 21/11/2018 09:19

I can only see that this will get worse to be honest. Looking after someone else's children his hard enough tbh without being the only disciplinarian in their lives. How is that going to pan out when they are teenagers?

Spanglyprincess1 · 21/11/2018 13:23

Speak to your DP and mean it. Set rules, sit with children and him and go through house rules - eg everyone says please and thank you etc. Dp then agrees the rules and tells children that your home so same as teachers do you have his permission to discipline. He will always back you up - that's important.
If they say we do xyz at mom's , you say that's okay. Mom's rules are for mom's and these are rules here
This worked for us so might be worth a try.

WhiteCat1704 · 21/11/2018 17:46

God...no.just no...leave..you are in a no win situation with a partner like that and it suits him. You do the hard parenting and he gets to be a fun dad all the ti

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