annoying little things

[Donlikewinter]

DSS lives with us full time and goes to his mum every other weekend (Friday evening after school to Monday morning). We live around 25min by car, or 30min walk in total+15min train+15min tube. DSS is now in middle school, so his mum asks him to commute by himself, rather than her doing the pickup/drop off.

Yesterday DSS came back home and told us that this morning he doesn't have any money in his Oyster card so he has to use his lunch time (which I gave him on Friday) to top up. I told him no problem I will reimburse that. DP then sent a message to DSS's mum, saying that if she wants him to commute himself, please make sure he has enough Oyster card credit before she sends him off.

Then we got so much drama from this lady...on one hand saying "I have absolutely no problem giving DSS money", on the other hand accusing DP "what you did makes me sick! I really look down upon you! why can you give DSS the money!" to "I never argue money with you even when you refused to give me any spouse maintenance!"

Seriously, why so much drama on such little things!

I disagree. If I didn’t pay for everything, my ex would ‘t step in. So the kids would miss out. Maintaining a relationship with their father is important. If only so they can judge him themselves.

If his kids arent worth bus fair to him, then it is really good for them?

Yes. They know him and love him, warts and all. They will grow under no illusions knowing who and what he is. As they are getting older, they are questioning and judging. It is a matter of time before they stop seeing him but that is then their choice, based on their experiences, not my choice based on my upset and annoyance.

The needs and happiness of the child should be paramount. The father of my now grown up DC was Disney dad but they saw through him and by the time they were out of their teens they hardly saw him at all. They have their own DC now and would never behave like their father.