DSD is 11 in 2 months. She started puberty at the end of last year and has had her period since the summer which she is all completely in denial about. She insists that she hasn't started her period, doesn't have boobs, doesn't have body hair and doesn't need deodorant whenever I've try to talk to her about it which I know isn't the case. She spends most of her time here and its not something that her mum will have anything to do with so leaving it to her isn't an option. Her dad tried to talk to her but basically just told her to come to me and I will help and dsd denied to him that anything was happening.
I've bought her everything she could possibly use and nothing has even been opened. Deodorant isn't a huge problem as she showers every morning and only smells a bit by the end of the day but it shows how set she is on refusing to acknowledge anything to do with puberty. Not wearing a bra or shaving also wouldn't be an issue if she wasn't interested in either but she refuses to wear anything other than baggy tops with sleeves and long trousers so she obviously isn't comfortable with her chest or body hair.
She has pads in her room and in the bathroom which she knows about and how to use but chooses to use toilet roll instead which shes hidden in various places in her room. Every month her underwear, bedding and most of her clothes end up with blood on and stuffed in the bottom of her wardrobe. I put a special rubbish bin and laundry bin with a lids on in her room but they still go somewhere else and I've put pads in some of her underwear for her to just take out but they have just been pushed to the back.
I've tried being sensitive and kind about it. I've haven't spoke to her about it out loud for the last two months and have given her a few notes instead and have always cleared everything up discretely for her so she doesn't get embarrassed but I ha vent achieved anything.
I feel really out of my depth, I'm not very good at this sort of thing and I think we are probably quite different. Its not something I was embarrassed about or would have done at her age so I can't understand how she feels or why despite being given everything she needs to make it easier to deal with she is still choosing to make everything more difficult. I'm starting to get frustrated by it now and have no idea but what I'm supposed to do next. I'm considering being a bit strict with her and making her come and clean up if I find anything but don't know if that's the wrong thing to do and will just push her away and make it more difficult?
I suspect me being just her step mum and her not having a mum she can talk to is part of the problem which is also something I am no good at talking about.