Can I moan about my step daughter?

[JustMarriedAndLovingIt]

She is really annoying me. She was up with DSS who is a little sweetie. However, she went into my room, took my phone charger and then said she had asked when she hadn’t. My phone was plugged over night into a broken one. The irony is, I lend her stuff all the time and would have said yes without hesitation had she asked. I just resent her taking my stuff and lying about me. I’m starting to dread every other weekend which is horrible because I have a full on job and just want to relax, not listen to her shrieking about a load of crap 😥

Sorry to moan, just want sympathy 😂

Sounds like a teenager. How old is she?

Well can't really see the bigger picture from one little incident with a phone charger so going by your OP yabu.

😁 Get your hard hat on, OP, you’re in for a bumpy ride, and I don’t mean with your SD.

It’s not one incident though, otherwise I wouldn’t give two hoots. I don’t like my room not being private for one thing but I think was p**d me off was being called the C word when I called her out on it.

A bumpy ride with who @positively?

It’s a tough job and I’ve learnt that you have to do a lot of tongue biting when it comes to step parenting, as the minute you voice an opinion about other people’s kids you’re seen to be overstepping the mark.

Being called the C word is not very nice though, what were her fathers thoughts on that?

Also I’m guessing she’s about 14-15? Could she be hormonal? We can all get a bit pissy if it’s that time of the month.

If it was me, I would stop doing stuff for her like lending her things or doing anything nice until you get an apology.

Put everything you cherish in your bedroom and a lock on the door.

Well you didn't mention anything else so how on earth is anyone supposed to know that she called you the c word when all you said was about her borrowing your phone charger without asking?

Put everything you cherish in your bedroom and a lock on the door.

Yep. And I wouldn’t be lending her anything else until she apologised.

I don’t get this, I really don’t. ‘Putting a lock on the door’ is suggested so lightly on MN. I’d be fucked if I’d put a lock in an internal door in my own home. No way. Consequences for lying. Consequences for going in and taking stuff and serious consequences for calling me anything like that.

DC/SDC/whoever.

@ILoveAutumn - it’s a tricky one though if you don’t have the support of the children’s dad when dishing out the consequences, there is not much else you can do but lock your things up and stop doing things for them. IME if you start with punishments or trying to get their parents to see what they are doing you tend to start arguments either with their dad or potentially their mother.

There is also the potential that Disney parenting may be coming into it, I know in my experience that DSD gets away with a lot of things that I would never in a million years allow our daughter to get away with but her dad often turns a blind eye to it, as he does not want to be seen as mean to his daughter or for her to not want to come round any more. It’s been the cause of many an argument in our household about how my oh is too lenient with her, but I have learnt not to waste my breath anymore as it just causes more upset.

I think the best thing for the op to do is not do any favours for her step daughter until she gets a sincere apology and ignore bad behaviour in the future but reward good! That way she’s not getting any attention for being naughty.

The Disney parenting thing hits the nail on the head. I wouldn’t say DH is a huge offender but he is just worried that the kids won’t like him or will moan to their mum. I get it but it’s hard. And well done to the poster who got her age right!

In my household it's not my kids who do stuff like that than my OH! He is annoying like that but then he says I'm annoying to. A good moan, a slight telling off and life goes on!

What iloveautum said.
My DC go into my room and plug their devices into my charger (I don't allow devices to be in their bedrooms overnight). That in itself wouldn't bother me and there are bigger things to lose sleep over.
The C word? Are. You. Kidding. Me?

DC/ DSC/ DP/ ANYONE - that is categorically not how I would allow anyone to talk to me and certainly not in my own home. If she has verbally abused you, then you have every right to deal with that and IMO should have done so directly. She wants to speak to your DP like that, thats on her and he can disney dad all he wants. But I would not tolerate that from anyone and I would categorically not be lending her anything until I got a sincere, heartfelt apology.