Blended family and Christmas

[ClaryFray]

Hey all,

Step mum (kinda) to two boys aged 7 and 4. We have them Christmas day this year, however dh family is making it difficult for plans.

We've been planning since August, that we would have Xmas eve and Xmas day together he collects boys at 5pm Christmas eve and drops them off 5pm Christmas day. We're seeing none of my family then either, my ds will not see his grandparents either.

In laws despite making no plans before when we asked them back in September, are now upset we already have plans, and are moaning that they won't see the grandchildren. Last year we had them Christmas day from 5pm to the 28th. So they saw them boxing day afternoon.

How do you do it?

How do you keep everyone happy?

Do you just have to accept thee vast amount of the day will be spent running around and not much else.

I can't deal with this stress everyother year for the next 14.

Espically when ex wife is so rigid and won't allow wiggle room.

Invite the gps at 3-5 pm?

I don’t plan on making everyone else happy. Bollocks to that. I get that it’s christmas but there are just too many people involved to be able to please everyone.

No don’t even try and please everyone! Certainly don’t spend your Christmas Day running around trying to fit everyone in. Have the Christmas that suits you. If you want to, you could suggest the inlaws/grandparents call in to see the children in the morning before you settle down for Xmas dinner.

I would invite the grandparents to either come round for a few hours in the morning for coffee and presents, or after lunch. It's only natural for them to want to see their grandchildren on Christmas Day!

It's a tough one, and one that you are never going to please everyone, even in a non-blended family.

You asked them in September, so they knew you were making plans then. They chose not to be involved at that point, and that's ok, but it doesn't mean they get to jump up and down about it either.

I'd simply say that you know it's not ideal, and that it's never going to work for everyone, which is why you were trying to sort it in September, so it would suit as many people as possible. I'd also say to them that if they can't come from 3-5pm then that's ok too, perhaps you can all get together on another day and celebrate Christmas with them then. At the end of the day, yes it's nice to get together on Christmas Day, but it's not about the day, it's about celebrating and enjoying the company of your family in a relaxed and happy way. If the only way to do that is on another day, so be it.

We are a blended family of 7 (5 kids). When we got together it very quickly became apparent that there was no way we could spend Christmas Day together, with our families, without upsetting someone. So we all had to learn to compromise. Usually we see my brother and his family at some point just before Christmas, with my Dad and his wife if we can, if we can't we see them separately on whatever day works. DH's family live at the other end of the country so for a number of years we didn't see them at all over Christmas, especially as his Dad's health meant he couldn't travel and for us all to travel was really expensive. With our kid's respective other parent, we tried to have year about, so if they were with us on Christmas Day this year, then next year they'd be with their other parent. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. Some years they way it worked was just DH and me on Christmas Day (and actually, that was quite nice for a change, odd, but nice).

SO. Yes, try to accommodate as many people as you can, but at the end of the day, do what suits you best and try not to stress about other people. They'll learn to live with it or get over it, and if they don't, well, you've done your best and it's not your problem.

We have invited them for a few hours before the boys go home, 2-5pm, but they don't want to travel an hour to get here.

But they expect you to do it to travel to them? They’ve a cheek! Nah, you’ve told them your plans, you’ve invited them to visit, they’ve made their choice.

We've not found it to be possible to see either of our families on Christmas day itself since we became blended. There are too many of us for anyone to accommodate (6 kids) and our kids aren't particularly close to their step grandparents. Instead to see DH's family on boxing Day or the day after (while my kids go to their dad's), and sometimes see my sister and mum for new year (without the DSC) or another time. It does make me a bit sad tbh that I never see my mum, sister, neice or nephew for Christmas and I know my neice has been sad about not seeing us, but I can't really see any alternative. It's just complicated with a blended family and I think you do have to put the needs of that immediate family first most of the time

Fairweather gps =Have to see the dgc where /when and for the amount of time that's suits THEM.
Well hand out an invite that suits YOU, if they can't /won't make it don't lose sleep over it.

You’ve offered, they don’t want to travel. And it is no Christmas Day to make the DC do a 2 hour round trip when their time with you is precious.
Are the GP hoping to come and stay for a few days?

I have said to my oh that we will be doing Christmas dinner at ours for the first time ever (gulp) we have DSD this Christmas and we also have DD who will be nearly 7 months old, I know it will disappoint my MIL as she always used to do Christmas dinner and we always ended up having two Christmas dinners, one at my mums and one at my Mil, this time I’ve said we can do dinner, then do the rounds and spend an hour at each of the grandparents houses, I also try to see my niece on Christmas Day as it’s also her birthday! So have quite a busy day planned!

We e got everyone including Ex wife at ours...it helps that I don’t have family nearby to complicate matters...

They sound unreasonable! You tried to make plans which they declined, you have invited them & they have declined that as they DH don't want to drive one hour! What do they want? Do they expect you all to travel?

It’s quite a short time to have the step kids, is this the only time over the holidays?

I think no you don't have to accept it's just about running around
But you do have to accept it's a time for give and take and that it will always have to go both ways.
I do think it's unreasonable to expect solid Xmas plans to be made in September. You don't know what people have going on behind closed doors and not everybody knows how they will spend Christmas by September. I've always been organised by July but this year we have had so much awful news I have out of thinking until Christmas until December.
I'd say just give and take and give and take and pick your battles.