Hi there,
my SD will be 12 next month, I've known her for over 4 years and live with her dad for 2.5 and we have a 1 year old son together.
She comes EOW and other weekends my DP visits her in her mom's place.
I wrote about her some time ago. Basically I used to feel lucky to have her as a SD, she was affectionate and generally nice. She played nicely with my 10 year old son and considered him as her step brother.
She's affectionate with everybody in general. When my baby was born, she got overly involved with him, which was irritating and I guess I couldn't hide it very well. She would also tell me to leave him more with my DP and ask DP to bring him to her mom. I used to have a good relationship with her mom after the initial cold period, but since Feb 2018, I took my distances as I don't like the way she also got over involved. They are Cuban, so maybe it's a cultural difference as I come from a reserved family and society.
Here's my problem: SD is very nice with her dad without being manipulating. She's not bad with me, but from time to time, I hear something subtly, and more rarely openly, not nice. She told me "stupid" several times. This weekend, I came out of the bathroom and the first thing I hear is "A, you look ugly". Later, playing with my baby and while giving me to him, she says "I wanted you to shut up", I didn't hear well and reasked and her response was "nothing". My older son confirmed what I heard. Or, I say that my baby is so smart and she goes "just like my dad" and then reluctantly "and you", etc. And it's like that every time she's here. Something not very nice. Other times, she talks to me, asks me what's for dinner, calls me to kiss her good night, so I am confused as to how to take it.
I should mention that her mother is the ex wife #2 of my DP. There's also ex wife #1. #1 and #2 are apparently friends now and both make efforts to be close to DP. SD's mother (ex #2) would send hello to my DP, but not to me, knowing that I'm in the same house. She would also send hellos to ex #1 if she's in our house, but not to me. A couple of months ago, I sent her a pic of SD with our baby, I mentioned to SD that her mother didn't answer and one week later, when DP was visiting, her mother told my DP that she surely would have answered me if she got my message (why to him, but not to me, she has my number and she used to get my messages and pics?!).
So I don't know if these are subliminal messages from her mother that I'm insignificant and she picks up on that. Or it's just puberty (she recently started her period). It's hard to get upset at her as it's not constant but it's stressing me and making me feel uncomfortable. Any insights would be appreciated.