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Step-parenting

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Original poster

ADULT STEPSON

27 replies

Becca1968 · 10/10/2018 18:28

My stepson is in his mid twenties lived with us for 10 years his girlfriend moved in 6 months ago. He went on holiday recently and asked my DH to take them to the airport at 4am and pick them up at 7am this is where the problem starts we work for ourselves so this would mean taking 2 days off to carry out this task bearing in the mind the airport is 60 mins away but he said he would be to tired to drive anyway in the end he drove himself and GF there and parked. Upon his return both of them ignored anyone in the house and would just come in run upstairs this went on for 4 days of them avoiding all contact with us my husband who is normally a very calm man blew his top and told them both to leave the house which they did it turns out DS has the hump because DH did not take them to the airport. DH is very upset I have texted DS twice with no reply what should we do

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 10/10/2018 18:33

What should we do??? What should your step son do more like! The answer is move out.

Caselgarcia · 10/10/2018 18:35

I would wait for his apology.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2018 18:37

Where have they gone and have they moved out or are they huffing until you apologise for the perceived insult?

What have you been texting SS?

They’re being babies. Getting to the airport is part of planning a holiday. They could have chosen different flights, used a taxi or public transport or asked nicely for a favour BEFORE they booked and accepted a no graciously. They’re adults. They’re acting like stroppy spoiled teens.

Are you sure this is the sole issue behind the strop since they got back?

I’d stop trying to contact him and leave them to it.

lifeinpieces123 · 10/10/2018 19:14

Agree to all above...

NicePieceOfPlaid · 10/10/2018 19:18

Pack their things and leave them on the step.

Harpingon · 10/10/2018 19:45

I don't think you need to do anything. I do think they need to apologize for their behavior.

Original poster
Becca1968 · 10/10/2018 21:06

Hi thank you all for your replies they have gone to his mums at the moment and will not be coming back until this is resolved this is not the first time they have made us feel uncomfortable in our home but it will be the last his

OP posts:
Magda72 · 11/10/2018 00:41

He should be living in his own house/flat. He's a grown man & sounds like a spoilt brat.
I'd change the locks.

Blendingrock · 11/10/2018 04:06

I agree with all of the above.

Rude, inconsiderate, entitled brat. He needs to grow up and learn some respect.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/10/2018 04:19

Well I personally think it was very mean to not take them to the airport. Of course it wouldn't have needed two days off. That's ridiculous. And yes, I know he's an adult but families do favours for each other. I take members of my family sometimes who are in their 50s.

However, )big however) the reaction is also utterly ridiculous. And if I were you I'd be glad they'd gone. The silent treatment is horrible and uncomfortable and you shouldn't be made to feel like that in your own home.

Redbus1030 · 11/10/2018 09:38

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

SputnikBear · 11/10/2018 09:43

He’s behaving like a baby, and not just with regard to his holiday. He shouldn’t be moving his gf into daddy’s house - he’s a grown man and they both need to move out. It’s time he learned to look after himself!

SputnikBear · 11/10/2018 09:50

He’s behaving like a baby, and not just with regard to his holiday. He shouldn’t be moving his gf into daddy’s house - he’s a grown man and they both need to move out. It’s time he learned to look after himself!

Original poster
Becca1968 · 11/10/2018 17:36

We have our own business and we are on the road a lot maybe some evenings until 9/10pm hence why my husband said no to 4am and no to collecting as it was a 7am flight arrival meaning leaving home to avoid traffic at 5am. I have no objection to them living here but really object to feeling very uncomfortable in my own home with them sneaking around putting washing on and cooking but cannot walk into the lounge and say hello

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 11/10/2018 20:13

Well if you run your own business and in the road a lot I presume you're used to being out early to drive. Crikey that's such a lame excuse. Just have an early night the night before.

I do agree they've behaved appallingly but I really do think a lift isn't a lot to ask amongst family. Maybe my family is odd in that we do each other favours

Original poster
Becca1968 · 11/10/2018 20:19

So you think its ok to be out driving at 4am until 9pm because DSS is to tired to drive home from a airport but its ok for my DH to be out driving for 17 hours and no we dont go out that early because we dont get home until late at night. A lift is perfectly fine if you act like one of the family and not a lodger

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 11/10/2018 20:19

What do you mean by sneak about cooking and cleaning?
If they are that age, they are fine to move out, if they would like to.
As to giving them a ride, why would you both have to miss work?
I can see why you guys said nice to a ride, they aren't owed it, but it seems like everyone is making it a bigger deal than it should be.
Is there a back story?

SandyY2K · 11/10/2018 20:23

Has your SS not heard of a taxi? When you book a holiday it's your responsibility how you get to and from the airport.

Well done to your DH for bit putting up with that nonsense if ignoring you both.

Original poster
Becca1968 · 11/10/2018 20:26

They returned home from holiday we where expecting them home around 10am nothing no return text asking were they ok was there a problem with the flight car etc nothing they had stopped half way of a 70 min drive to sleep at someones house not a thought that we would be worried. When they came in they put all there washing on and cooked a meal but did not bother to come and see us his excuse for not contact when he got home was he was tired this went on for 4 days

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 11/10/2018 22:07

I think they are acting like spoilt kids - if you genuinely cannot manage the lift without compromising your safety to drive, then they ought to accept this with good grace and book a taxi. Sulking for days is not on, particularly when they are living in your house.
You have my sympathies - sometimes parents do so much for kids because they want them to have an easier time than they themselves had growong up, but instead of appreciating it they get all entitled and just demand more and more.
I'd have a frank discussion with mine if he was acting like this and if no apology or understanding of my position was forthcoming, it would be time for him to stand on his own two feet in his own house!
I think you did great allowing his gf to move in - it changes the dynamic of your house. You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 11/10/2018 22:16

Very spoilt and rude. It’s one thing to ask, another to get mad if you can’t do it!

Time you asked him to get his own place.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/10/2018 22:46

He didn't want a lift because he'd be tired. He wanted a lift because airport parking is so ridiculously expensive.

No, of course I don't condone that sort of length of drive in a day but then again I wouldn't condone someone driving 9am to 9pm so I hope your DH doesn't do that regularly either.

Come off it, he didn't want to do it. Fair enough. But it's do-able if you want to

I will day again, the reaction has been totally unacceptable though.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 11/10/2018 22:54

I don’t understand @bitoutofpractise I would never say to anyone if I needed a antisocial long drive that Cmon it’s doable!

It would have been a really nice favour that I’d have bent over backwards to appreciate. Not sulk because of course everyone needs a drive to the airport. I’ve taken loads of flights with small children and not once have I demanded a lift off anyone!

HeronLanyon · 11/10/2018 22:55

Just on the lift to the airport - I can’t see why op’s husband should feel he had to get up at 3 am to be followed by a day at work. I would never ever ask anyone who works or has daytime responsibilities to do this for me. Yes, parking and/or taxi (and of course overnight airport hotel) may be too expensive for stepson but then he shouldn’t have booked a flight which depended on this unreasonable demand.

HollowTalk · 11/10/2018 22:59

He should have paid for a taxi - he had no right to expect your husband to ferry them about.

Personally I'd say now, "It's better that you pick your things up, given you're not happy here. We're not prepared to walk on eggshells around you in our own home. If you prefer, I'll pack your things up and send them round to your mum's in a taxi."

I wouldn't be blackmailed into apologising. No way.