Turn the fucking music down and other stories..

[QueenOfIce]

Dsd got up at 7am, so far we've had every single light on, left on, doors open. Music blaring, dishes from last night and breakfast this morning left on the side. She's just come out of the shower and the bathroom is a tip.

I have horrible pms and I could scream! All weekend she's lazed around barely got dressed no matter how many times she was asked to shower and dress, had to be asked over and over to do her bit to help clean up after dinner. Text us from her room 'can you get me...'

Are all teenagers this sodding selfish??

My DSS used to be like this around age 13/14. We had to be so firm with him an eventually he got in the routine of been up showered an dressed by 9am everyday an he helped doigg his dishes and cleaning up after himself. A lot of arguments an shouting but eventually paid off.

Good luck xx

Yup sounds like a typical teenager I’m afraid

eventually he got in the routine of been up showered an dressed by 9am everyday
A teenage boy!?? I am agog. How old is he now?

That was on weekends shall I say. He's just started college now and he's out by 7am

I feel kind of sorry for him MO2x. Although I’m sure in reality you cut him some slack though and let him slob about in pjs every now and then (eg after a party).

I think it is how teenagers can be... But they still need training. IME they are untidy and self centered and lots of patience is needed.

Teenager's brains are broken due to neurological development in progress - they literally cannot conceive of the possibility that they're doing something objectionable, they haven't got the wiring for it at this point despite having spent the previous ten years being perfectly lovely and thoughtful. It's amazing to watch. Preferably from a distance though, living with one of the self-centred arseholes is no fun at all.

There are some coping techniques, but getting into a PMS fuelled row with her is pretty much the exact opposite of what's needed so I'd leave it a week if I were OP! Do some reading up on dealing with teenagers, it's a real science.

Bleh..excuses excuses and more excuses..

Take her phone away or switch the wi-fi off when she doesn't do what she is supposed to and see what happens :)

No whitecat not excuses. Yes there are amazing teenagers, I had one, my DD but there are many teenagers who are indeed like this. You continue to tell them to change their ways, they don't and one day they do and somehow turn as well as those perfect teenagers. I also know perfect teenagers who turned out nightmare young adults.

Try to impose strict discipline and you lose them all together. Thankfully most parents of such teenagers manage to get through and not lose their mind albeit much moaning with other parents. I can only imagine that as a step parents it's frustration multiply by 10. But no, it's not about excuses and I would challenge any parents or SP to miraculously make them turn into decent teenagers. I've met a number of parents who were certs in they would be able to tackle that situation if they faced it and have crumble feeling totally lost as to how to deal with their teenagers. It's easy to think that apply disciplining techniques like you do with toddlers will work. That's what I used to think. I now know it doesn't with teenagers.

I asked her very nicely to clean up her room and bathroom before school, I got the death stare but she did it. I can't harp on to her she goes 'deaf' after around a minute!

And that is how it goes indeed :( I ask my ds the same things weeks after weeks, it dobson gets done after constant pestering until the next time!

I pick my battles though and count myself fortunate that I've never had to ask him to his homework. He must be the laziest teenager when it comes to chores but homework isn't much trouble. God figures!

swingofthings is correct. I know it's frustrating, however their brains are completely changing.
Do you know, teenagers often read people's faces ie expressions differently to a fully formed adult brain?
I find it fascinating - as well as challenging trying to mother a teen!
So to answer your op, yes, your dsd is being selfish- although she probably doesn't realise this!

Good work on keeping the rage down Queen!

IME any emotional reactions to their horrible little ways will cause a teenager to strongly lean towards doing them more, so simple statements of "do it", no arguing, and a calm demeanor is vital. Spot on!

Sorry you're having problems but so glad I'm not alone. Just wanted to my own gripes, how about:-

Put some fucking bleach down the loo if you leave it dirty

Stop leaving your room like a shit tip

Stop treating your dad like some kind of unpaid glorified Uber

Stop leaving the bathroom like a sodding sauna every time you shower

And finally, there is no fairy who picks up dirty clothes from your floor and returns them clean and dry. Put them in the fucking wash basket which is approximately one metre from your bedroom door!

I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I feel your pain....

I have a 13 year old DSD who can’t (won’t) do anything for herself.

As @Redbus1030 says - I do expect basic rules / expectations yo be met.

This includes flushing the toilet when she uses it. Cleaning the shit off the bowl of the toilet that she’s left. Pulling her own dirty knickers out of the jeans left on the floor. I could go on....

I don’t tolerate the passive aggressive gesture of eye rolling and tutting (on a simple request).

Pull them up in it. My parents didn’t put up with this behaviour and sorry, I’m not of the camp that the poor snowflakes are going through such a tough change that you need to accept rudeness and laziness.

Oh I feel your pain too! This weekend with 12 yr old DSD and 11 yr old DD, both hormonal, both think they are adults and on the same level as me and DP, both thinking they can talk to us like s**t! Maybe I need to read up on the whole talking to teenagers thing too. No advice from me just a ! I was glad to come back to work today for the peace and quiet! Thats not usually something I feel about work on a Monday

I feel your pain, 3 step dc, 16, 15 and 8 yr olds, I feel like I spend all weekend tidying up after everyone. Even the 8 year old sits around in his pants on the sofa til 3 in the afternoon. If my dp has to work and I'm looking after them it's even worse. And I have a 3 month old dd to see to as well. I've been onstrike a few times and just ignored all the mess and not so e any dishes and everyone seemed to get the message eventually that if they wanted things done they were going to have to do it themselves lol. I did the same when I stopped washing my dps clothes if they wernt put in the basket. He soon started putting them in when he didn't have any clean clothes for work on a Monday morning