Confused DC

[banana506]

I have dcs 6 & 4.

I have a DSD 12

For many reasons DSD doesn't come to visit at our house very often. Extreme anxiety issues and other things involved. She lives a few hours drive away so unfortunately our lives are extremely separated.

Now the problem I'm having is that my DCs are obviously very close and have a great sibling bond. We have always spoken openly about their sister but they just don't seem to understand the situation. Well they say they do when we talk about it but say for example someone at school asks who is in their family they will never mention SD. They always talk about their brother/sister as in each other but never mention their SD.

Part of me wants them to acknowledge it and just know what's going on but part of me doesn't want to push it if they seem like for some reason they are just choosing to ignore it.

They see SD every few months but most of these times are among other family members so I think they see her as more of a cousin type relationship. SD has very little to do with them when we do see her so they are not close at all. As she suffers from anxiety an agreed custody order means we can't force her to visit.

I'm just worried about them growing up and being confused about who their family is etc. Is it worth trying to correct them more or is there a way to try and get them to see SD as their sibling or do you just leave them to it?

It’s not the same situation, but my DSDs (actually DPs DSDs from his marriage) are teenagers and don’t come so often any more, we let them decide when to come (because they’re busy they don’t tend to come often unless there’s a treat or money in it for them )

So to the wee ones and DS1 they’re just not really part of our immediate family on a day to day basis but they all love it when they come. I just let them work it out their own way.

I just let them work it out their own way.

I think this is an ok thing to do. No point trying to force it and I can’t see any harm coming from them not mentioning her when asked about their family.

We have always spoken openly about their sister

They don't have a sibling relationship with her...so it's no suprise they don't see her as family.

Leave them as they are. I wonder if your SD sees them as her siblings.

A sister you see every few months isnt going to feel like a sister to them.