Is it because she's not his blood? It is he just lazy?!

[247tired]

I have a 6 YO girl from previous relationship, and a 19 month old boy with my current partner. My ex is a really good dad and has regular consistent contact with our girl and takes her to whatever activities he can, such as dancing every 2 hours, any parties she's invited to if fall on his day, any shows she's a part of, parents evening (we attend together) and he doesn't moan about it at all, actually enjoys it. My current partner, same as ex doesn't drive, so I am always doing school runs plus nursery drop offs and pick ups, as well as working albeit 3 days a week and he does 4 which can be really long days for him sometimes. But because I drive I take my daughter to karate and swimming lessons once a week. The locations have now changed and both activities are literally 5 minutes walk from our house. Obviously when my partner is working I know he can't take her because he's physically not home but when he's off work (does 4 on and 4 off shifts) he still doesn't take her, ever!!! He shows little interest and even when we signed her up for karate 2 years ago nearly, he made a big deal of saying it was 'their thing' but still has never taken her once to either location. Our youngest has just had no chance nursery due to his other closing and it's a lot closer than his other, 5-10 minute bus ride away. I made a point of saying that I expect partner to pick him up from nursery sometimes and he said no why should I you drive. We argued and he ended up saying I will if you can't!! Surely it shouldn't be like that. At home he can be such a good day and we have lots of days out tomorrow as a family when we can work permitting, which I normally organise and obviously take us to, but I need to know how I can get him to make effort to go to his 'step daughters' swimming and karate lessons etc and to make effort to take or collect his son. I'm sure if our son had activities he would be there cheering him on like no tomorrow. This is causing a massive issue for me but he just sees me as a nag and apparently I'm controlling because I'm telling him what to do. I just want an equal parental relationship. I feel like me and my ex co parent better with our daughter than I do with my current even though my current sees both kids way more! And no there aren't any romantic feelings towards my ex but he is undoubtedly an amazing dad. Any advice thoughts suggestions similar stories solutions welcome!

I meant dancing for 2 hours every Saturday!

But he wouldnt be cheering on his son though would he? He cant even be bothered to collect him from nursery. He doesn't think parenting is his responsibility. How long were you together before getting pregnant? Was it not obvious he wasnt competent father material?

I'm.confused by your post. Do you work or are you a sahm? It eoulf make a differenve as much more hassle on bus and if hes working full time. Does he do anything else with his son? Also sorry to sound thick but why would be take the SD swimming? Isn't that your and her time alone? My DSC do activities and I don't take them, their dad does and it is their alone time.together.

He should certainly be doing some of the nursery pick ups and drop offs but I don’t see why he should be taking your daughter to classes unless maybe you couldn’t do it for some reason? Is he good with her in general or is there a wider problem than just the classes?

Tbh dancing, karate and swimming sounds like a lot of extra curricular activities. We just managed ds kickboxing twice a week and dd swimming lessons however I work around my dh. I think you are being unreasonable she already had a df doing his bit taking her to her activities when he has her and you drive yet you expect your dp to be taking her. DH takes ds to kickboxing as I’m at work when it’s our turn but dh also drives. I would never expect him to get a bus to take him especially if I was available and drove. If the activities are too much it might be worth dropping one.

So are you at home with the car when you’re asking him to pick up DS? Really? Why would you expect him to get on a bus rather than just hop in your car? It’s a lot more hassle for him than it is for you let’s be honest. I think he needs to learn to drive tbh but if you’ve got the car then it does make sense for you to do the nursery run.

Also you said he works a lot more than you, longer hours etc and you’re expecting him to be taking your DD to activities? Realistically you could expect him to look after DS whilst you go with her but I wouldn’t expect him to do it. If it was me and my DP was working less hours than me and had a car then expecting me to bus it over to the nursery to collect our child, then also expected me to do activities with my SD when it was my downtime I don’t think I’d be too impressed

I don't think he should be expected to take DD to these classes as a regular thing but occasionally he should want to. My DH is a lazy useless knob but even he will take my eldest (not his) to things like swimming or other hobbies. If my DH had previous children then I would be happy to watch them at swimming or sports classes sometimes, not every week but every so often.

I would want to do it because I would care and love the child and want to show support. Why doesn't your partner?

When you're both at home and it's nursery pick up tone does he ever come with you?