Dsd and tablet time/contact

[hotstepper4]

Help needed. Dsd is 10. Her birthday was recent, and myself and dh bought her a tablet as a birthday present.

She is obsessed with the bloody thing. Would play with it every moment of every day if we let her. So we started limiting her to 2 or 3 hours a day, which we think is plenty.

She's now started saying she doesn't want to come to see us anymore because her mum gives her unlimited tablet time.

Dh is so hurt because he feels that she can't really want to see him or feel bonded to him to be like this. How can she just stop seeing her dad over a tablet?

At the moment contact hasnt changed but she complains and has histrionics when she gets here. How long do we force it? Do we just give up?

Her mum is not changing her views on giving dsd unlimited time on the tablet.

Who is telling her her time is limited you or your dp? I have a 10year old and he has had a few issues with screen time so it’s quite normal for them to try it on. He doesn’t particularly like his sm mainly because she’s overbearing at times and in particular try’s to parent him more so than his actual father. It got to the point he didn’t want to go round and utilmately he asked his df to be more of a df in terms of discipline. Since he had this discussion things have improved dramatically. It seems to be drastic why she suddenly doesn’t want to come round anymore.

We had this with my step daughter, 10 and partner he stupidly bought her a tablet. He would stupidly let her have it all day everyday when she came to visit EOW. She would get her at 7pm Friday night and not come off it until she got out the car at home at 6pm the Sunday night. His argument was when he was a teenager he was able to do it, but then his mum and dad were still together and living together etc but he would also come off it when he needed. She however got to the point she was so engrossed she would say 'she wasn't hungry' because we wouldn't allow her her tablet whilst eating dinner. So we chucked her dinner in the bin and then we would have tantrums when at 9pm she was suddenly hungry and wanting to come of it. We would give her piece of fruit or sandwich but she would just chuck it in the bin. We had endless fights about it to the point that I would staybpur the house because she was only coming down because she would get Togo on it all day every day with her dad as her mum wouldn't let her have one because when her dad loved at home and she had one her behaviour was awful then. It took his mum actually staying with us and seeing it to convince him to put in rules otherwise she was going to suggest to the ex wife not to let her stay. Now she has set times of a hour in the morning, and 2-3 hours in the evening after dinner things are so so much better. We get conversation out of her, she will happily want to go out now as she doesn't feel she is missing out, she has even started speaking to mum (before she would ignore her as too engrossed on her tablet and to me that's rude.)
When he first put the limits in she didn't want to come down at all, but her mum made her come down and we started planning fun things to do when she was down and on occasion allowed her to pick what she wanted to do, couldn't afford to let her Everytime with her suggestions 😂 I took a lot of time and effort to adjust her but when she started seeing how fun things can be without being glued to it she settled down. Maybe try and talk to her and make some plans, days out etc and see if that helps?

Would her mum support changing contact over this? Or will she back you up that a tablet isn't a reason to cut off a parent?

If not, the drama will pass. Sucks for your DH, I can totally get why he feels that way, and it's a shame her mum won't put some boundaries around the machine, but she'll get over it.

Stick to your guns – your rules are your rules and ultimately your SD's ability to concentrate for more than 6 seconds at a time / engage with something that isn't small and flat / maintain decent eyesight and neurological development etc etc. is more important than whether or not she throws a fit every weekend for a while...

What did she use to do before she spent so much time on the tablet? What has it replaced?

Unlimited tablet time is really bad for kids that can’t control themselves. I think your DH should stick with it.

If he gives in now she’ll think she can make all the rules herself and threaten not to come to get her own way. Recipe for disaster!