EOW same row

[dungandbother]

It's so hard being a step parent.

I'm two years in almost. I thought it would get easier.

Is it just that teenage girls are lazy and or princessy? Do dad's have to pander to them just because they only have EOW access?

Should the same rules apply to ALL children in the house no matter how many nights or what nights they sleep here?

Treat them all the same is my motto. But it does seem to be one set of rules for his and another set of his rules for mine.

Any step experts about ?

You don't have to accept his rules if they're not good for your DC.

You're the expert on your own children, OP.

I agree. Except we're not talking.

I usually soften to remove the tension and we carry on as normal. But this weekend he was so bullish to DD I actually hate him a bit right now.

Teen girls literally live in their room the whole weekend. They don't clear up after themselves. They let the dog on their beds so I washed the sheets and he put them back on when I suggested they were perfectly capable.

He cuts 13 year old finger nails for her.

Do the annoying things keep getting worse or is it just teenagers and their general selfishness?

Depends what you mean by pander, really. All parents should enforce and encourage a basic level of respect. But the exact rules for individual children change according to their abilities/age/needs, etc... If I only saw one of my kids 2 nights out of 14 then I'd probably want to do more fun stuff with them since I could do fun stuff with the other kids regularly.

Pander well I suppose he does tasks for them that my much younger D.C. do for themselves. Such as nail cutting. Making beds. Fetching drinks to their bedroom. Automatically picking their plates up after dinner.

My DC function autonomously with such tasks. He always loudly admired them for it.

Now if feels like they are slaves whilst S.C. laze about.

It doesn't sound like DSC's behavior is out of order, just different to your kids? Since it's only EOW could you go out and about and have fun with yours while his lounge about? (what are the age gaps? Most Saturdays DH and I do stuff with younger kids because teens either have their own stuff on or are exhausted and lounging.)

I think that is a good idea.

We've had two massive rows lately and both times were because of the way he talks to my DD.

He is too Disney with his DC and the stark contrast has me seething.

But in finding that to be a good idea, it has me doubting what's the point in the first place.

Sorry! I'm really fed up tonight. DS and I did some baking after school and laughed ourselves all evening whilst he's not around.

His DD are mid teens.
Mine are both still in juniors.

My DC are also much younger than DP's DC and do much more around the house because I have different expectations to DP and because I'm not a Disney parent, unlike him.

I used to clean their room after them, and carry down their dirty plates and pick up their dirty clothes off the floor where they'd dropped them like some sort of Victorian chambermaid. Then I got a grip of myself and silently stopped doing anything with their room.

The result is that their room is a minging shithole because they do not tidy up, clean or make beds. It makes me cringe but I shut the door. My DC's room is clean and organised because they've been taught how to not be minging.

My life used to be like this, it has improved for sure, teen dd doesn't have dh pandering so much anymore. This isn't anything to do with me, she just doesn't want him to do it as she's got older.

It is hard op, hold on in there and stick to your rules as your dc will ultimately benefit in the longmg term wrt to being able to sort their own plates out etc.

I read the do you actually like your step children thread.

I feel less guilty at least now.
I really don't like them. But I can see it's their mother in them I don't like. I don't think they like her much but they are loyal. So I can find respect for them in one aspect.

YY to the tidying of their room. I do that too. So I will stop.

I've talked some sense into myself at least - he is a hideous Disney dad to his and a normal (aggressive only when his D.C. are here) dad to mine.

Why are you putting up with him bullying your dd?

I've laid out my issue with that tonight. Quite calmly and clearly. I didn't want to row so didn't leave it open ended.

We'll see

Does he accept any part of what you're saying, or is he in denial?

Tbh op you only been together 2years living together so quickly and blending dc was never going to smooth. Your dp isn’t pleasant to your dd and you don’t like his dd maybe because of who their mother is by your own admission, it sounds like you need to call it a day. I couldn’t be with my dh if he didn’t like my ds and didn’t speak to him nicely.

I wouldn't tolerate him being like that with my DD. You need to stand up for her. If not, who will.

in a way, his dds are a red herring

the problem that jumps out for me is that he is aggressive and mean to your dd, and this:

"DS and I did some baking after school and laughed ourselves all evening whilst he's not around."

sounds like he creates a shitty atmosphere that both your dc are picking up on, and that they feel noticeably happier when he is not around.

I know what I'd do...

He’s aggressive to your DD?

That’s the biggest issue. What is it doing to her confidence and self worth? Why is he picking on her specifically?