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Step-parenting

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Would you stay for the DSC? For a few more months?

6 replies

sunnydaze01 · 17/09/2018 08:55

My husband and I moved abroad and my two teen DSDs are coming to live with us for 4 months, one is already here. My husband has struggled with porn addiction in the past, and after many promises of being over it and going to marriage counselling I caught him again last night. I would say I'm pretty conservative and I feel cheated and lied to...after just 3 years of marriage I feel done, for other reasons as well.

I'd like to leave, but feel guilty that my DSDs would come here to this mess. This was supposed to be a life changing experience for them. I quit my job so he could pursue his dream, and have nothing left at home, the girls set up their schooling so they could move here for a bit, his ex rearranged her finances to make this happen...so it's not just about me.

It's all still pretty raw, but I'm not sure what to do. Should I just pretend for the next 4 months that everything is fine, live as flatmates so the girls can enjoy this experience? I'm scared of forgiving him again and just ending up in this never-ending cycle. I would appreciate your perspective...

OP posts:
funinthesun18 · 17/09/2018 09:19

I would want to break the cycle, so no I wouldn’t stay. What if after 4 months he’s convinced you to stay and it just carries on? I get you have your dsd’s interests in mind but it’s your life too and they have two parents to sort any mess out.

Just my opinion. But I wouldn’t stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of a dsc.

Magda72 · 17/09/2018 09:40

Go. It's one of those situations where you really need to look after yourself. I know it sounds harsh but the girls aren't your responsibility & they have two parents.
Also, the exw rearranged her finances because her exh moved, not because you moved so you've no moral obligation there at all.
Mind yourself.
I know what it's like to live with someone with addiction issues & it's very easy to get sucked back into that codependent relationship.
Sometimes the only option is to leave.
Thanks

HeckyPeck · 17/09/2018 10:00

I agree with the others saying go. It’s too risky to stay and potentially get sucked back in.

Also even if you didn’t and were on best behaviour, pretending to be friends etc your DSDs would probably sense something was wrong anyway as kids do tend to pick up on things like that.

RollerJed · 17/09/2018 10:03

I'd go. Once I was done and thought there was no going back I couldn't fake it.

sunnydaze01 · 17/09/2018 18:35

Thanks all, I've booked myself in a hotel until the end of the week. Asked him not to contact me so I can clear my head.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 18/09/2018 14:49

I hope he respects your wishes and the time away gives you some clarity

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