Partner is Australian, his son is living here

[minilemonade]

Hi guys. Bit of a weird situation. My partner is a bit older than me, I'm 29 and he's 41. He had a teenage pregnancy when he lived in Australia, where he's from. He's now 23 and has been living with us while he visits for a year.

I'm finding it hard to get on with him or even respect him as he's essentially a child. He's only just found a job so he's spent his days on his laptop all day, he's currently off sick on his first week off training and he was meant to give us money towards rent with his first pay but went to Ireland with his mate and all his money was gone in two days.

I'm currently pregnant, due in February. Luckily he's going back in January to start some sort of course but it's so stressful having someone in my home who is essentially the worst housemate I could think of. Just not coping well with the situation at all and my partner knows how I feel but obviously it's his son so he sees things differently to me but I don't feel he's being very respectful of us and our house at all

Are there specific ways he’s being disrespectful to you/the house? Just thinking it might be easier to approach your partner about it with specific examples.

Is your partner usually receptive to talking about his son or is he a bit defensive?

Well he's lived here for free for a good few months, and doesn't clear up after himself in terms of dishes or any house cleaning at all, his room is a total state, he spent all his money and didn't pay us rent, he makes his own cigarettes and just leaves wrappers and tobacco everywhere. Partner is fully aware of all of this. He doesn't bring it up easily but when he does it hasn't changed anything

That sounds very frustrating. He’s 23 so old enough to know better! Are you left to clear it all up? That would make it even more annoying if so. I bet you’re counting down the days to him going back!

He just seems completely spoilt and I'm not old enough to be the terrible step mum and nor do I want to be, but yeah all week it's me cleaning because I'm currently off sick with horrendous pregnancy symptoms, my partner helps on the weekends when hes not working. He's called into work sick today and he's clearly completely fine just fancied a day off. I know there's no solution other than deal with it until he leaves but it's nice to have somewhere I can vent a bit.

He’s an adult, so your DH needs to tell him what’s expected and follow through. Is he smoking in the house? That would bug me more than anything.

No he doesn't smoke in the house I've never allowed that and that's been fine. The following through is the issue

I can see how three months more of this stress would be bad for you and your baby. Does DH understand this?

He does know how I feel but I think I'm trapping him between a rock and a hard place. Or a kid and a kid. He's an ass but he's still his child and he hasn't seen him since he moved over here to live which was like four years ago. I've tried really hard to be patient and him finding a job at last has helped but it's getting hard to prepare for the new baby when an adult baby keeps taking over 😂

I think I’d start by having another chat with DP and saying that I wouldn’t be cleaning up after DSS anymore. Maybe if your partner is the one that has to clear it all up then it might make him actually do something about it?

You concentrate on you + baby and leave he overgrown baby to your partner!