Step-dad adopting DD

[Pissedoffdotcom]

Hope this is okay to post here, wondering if anybody has any experience.

My DD is nearly 6, she has had no contact with her dad since she was 6mths old, for various reasons including him simply not bothering. Over the past 5 years i have given him several attempts at proving he can be a consistent parent to her; he couldn't be bothered each time.
He pays no maintainence for her at all.

DP & I are planning to get married - officially got engaged on my birthday recently eeek. We have an 11 week old son together, live together & he treats DD as his own, as does the rest of his family.

When we eventually get married, how hard is it to have DD adopted by DP? I'm working on a worst case scenario that the ex disagrees just to be a prize twat but the info online is sketchy at best. It says CAFCASS get involved, do assessments etc but some sites say adoption without consent is only granted in exceptional circumstances, others are more vague.

If anybody has any firsthand experience of this - positive or negative - i'd really appreciate it!

I have posted about this before - my niece and nephew were adopted by my lovely "ex"-sil's husband. My brother, who is an unpleasant specimen, agreed as it freed him up from financial responsibilities.

I traded my brother in for the better version of my bil. SS used us as referees. Best thing ever.

Your DD might need to know some age appropriate stuff about her biological dad so she doesn't build an idealised/fairytale version of him.

Sadly i do believe he will fight it. He is that kind of person.
My DD knows basics about her dad & his family, altho at 6 she still doesn't know why he isn't around yet. She thinks we fell out

My now DH (but then dp) adopted my dc 5 years ago. No contact with her bio-d since she was 1 and minimal and sporadic before that.

We kicked off the adoption process by emailing our local social services department asking what the process was. They contacted me back to explain the options (step-parent guardianship was one) and arranged to come and speak to us. We decided adoption was the best option, several reasons but main being that her bio-d lives in another country, hasn’t ever bothered despite being spoon-fed ample opportunities and I wanted to ensure she would be looked after if anything ever happened to me.

We were assigned a sw, who had a few meetings with us as a family, a couple with just me and he also contacted her bio-d. Bio-d didn’t explicitly give permission, sw explained why he was ringing and asked if they could talk, was asked to ring back at a different time and his calls where subsequently ignored as were emails that were sent (and marked as read).
SW asked dd views a few times plus we gave a couple of people as references, they were also contacted.

The sw recommended the adoption and once their report was complete we made the application to the court and saw the judge who granted the adoption. We was in chambers for all of 5 minutes.

Could you apply for your partner to have PR as a first step? That does not remove your Ex's PR.

If the dad is around you may not find the process that easy..does your Dd have Ex's name?

FeedMeTikka were you married when the adoption went through? Thank you for your info that is interesting.

lifebegins50 no she has mine. We were not in a stable relationship when she was born so she took my maiden name

He would have to give permission for DP to be given PR wouldn't he? Ex will fight it the whole way i think, which is why i'd rather just have one process to fight instead of different steps at different stages if that makes sense?

@Pissedoffdotcom no wasn’t married when it went through, that didn’t happen until a few years after.

Brilliant thank you. I really appreciate your advice

Go to CMS for maintenance. Then tell him if he agrees to the adoption he won't have to pay anything....

Sadly no point. He's on benefits so loses sod all of his money even if they take it direct.

Ask your ex if he's prepared to look after his daughter if you die. That might make him realise it's a good idea for her to be adopted.

I think PR would be easier for your partner to get as this was the route a friend went down. Adoption is a more signifcant step and in reality PR is probably a sensible step.

Ultimately adoption is what we want. I want DP to legally be able to make any decision should anything happen to me without the fear of the ex sticking his oar in just because he can. I know ex will fight so i'd rather just have one fight than lots of little ones

I didn’t get anywhere with the PR route but my DP did adopt my DS. Ex contested it for 3 hours, then changed his mind.

Can i ask why the PR route didnt work?
I'm guessing your ex was nc with your DC?

I had a similar situation, been with dh since dd was around a year, we got married when she was 5 and he wanted to adopt her officially (no contact at all with bio father)
Bio father refused and we couldn’t go through with the adoption sadly. We did change dds name by deed pole (we changed it when she started school on forms etc for that and then when she was around 11 we changed it officially for her passport)

Dd will be 16 in a couple of months and dh is going to adopt her for her birthday - we don’t need permission from anyone but her then.

I suggest phoning your local office or contacting citizens advice, things may have changed as it was many moons ago we tried. Wishing you luck!

Can i ask what reason they gave for refusing when bio dad was nc?
I thought you had to have bio dad permission to change surname too

Because he was on the birth certificate I think (I’m trying to remember that far back now!)
I did try and contact him but got a barrage of abuse and realised he would have made life a living hell so we didn’t persue it further - he was harassing dd and we thought it was best for her to just leave it be.
Changing her name by deed poll was the easiest thing - simple form and no permission was even asked. I don’t know if it was because I was changing dds name to my new married name so we were the same, but bio father was not even contacted.

Ah okay so you didn't get refused per say just decided not to challenge. We would challenge it every step, i just want to know what i might face.

That's interesting about her name thank you. She has my surname anyway so wouldn't be losing any connection in that sense to bio dad

Sorry yes that wasn’t clear in my first post! He refused, not the courts, there was a history of abuse so we were happy living away without the torment of going through that (I suppose if I’m honest I was quite scared too)
I wish you all the best in your journey!!

I totally get that. Ex was abusive so i can understand the fear. Thankfully i faced ex out a few years ago & he crumpled so i no longer worry about him in that sense.

Thank you, i appreciate your input

Sorry to hijack OP but would also be interested in the answers to this one... although I wouldn't want my DP to adopt my children (and their dad wouldn't let that happen either!) but would definitely want him to have PR, which I hope, would prevent my children being split if I die (my two dd's from a previous relationship and my youngest with my partner - my ex would take them from their brother without a thought!)

No apologies necessary, that's still a route we may need to pursue ourselves. That is my biggest worry tbh. DP would keep custody of DS automatically, but DD would be faced with uncertainty about where she would go. DP would fight for her to stay, & my parents would aid that, but it would be such an emotional torment for her on top of losing me. And my ex would fight for her i think, just to be a c**t. He is in no position to care for her, knows nothing about her but has always been hung up on having PR