NC for this as likely quite outing.
Please help us!
Partner has contact order in place for the last year due to his EW being increasingly difficult regarding time with his children and her general behaviour. Including refusing contact for three months claiming he was on drugs (we had not long moved in together) despite the fact he is in the TA and frequently drug tested.
We met three years after they were separated yet from the day he told her we were serious she has gotten worse and worse and denied more and more.
We thought all would be well after the contact order was in place. Which included the fact holidays and such should be agreed between both parties and she was told point blankly in court holidays with both parents are highly important and to not stop this.
Order also includes times and place where children should be picked up from and that drop offs and pick ups should be agreed between parties.
In the last year alone she has changed days/times/location to suit herself with no discussion with DF.
She has taken them abroad with her boyfriend. Something of which DF would never even try to stop as he knows its best for the kids, yet she flat out refuses him the same treatment and denies any access beyond the bare minimal EOW. Wwhenever he attempts to address this with her it is either ignored, or a stream of abuse is brought either straight to him or via social media.
She has lied on social media many times regarding what has gone on to paint him in a disgusting light. Often switching who said what or making up things that haven't happened. (Abusive, threatening police, kids apparently not being fed, apparently kids distraught over things (yet evidence shows otherwise) )
Posted publicly and to him that our unborn child shouldn't be being born and actively trying to get him to walk away from us both. Implying we have been together a bare minimal time (despite it being years which she has known full well as we had to deal with outlash then) . Just anything to make him look irresponsible and unkind/nasty.
Has a tracker on one of the DC phones and follows it whenever they are with us.
After years of abusive text messages via whatsapp he blocked her there. Stating text and email more than enoiugh communication wise for her. She then threatened to cut contact for that.
Promising kids nights out on his contact time and then forcing him to either tell them no or to just accept it and let them go (which he does for their sake)
Blackmailing him over if he pays more money she would consider a holiday that was proposed to her for us with the children.
Booking up the whole of summer holidays with no discussion with DF regarding holidays and times for him. He was left yet again bare minimal EOW with one evening cut short due to it sutiing her. Despite the fact she knew our DC had just been born and it was imporant the kids felt included.
Phone calls on imporant days (birthdays/fathers day) flat out ignored so he can't get hold of his children.
Having the children call her new partner Dad. Claiming on social media he is a real parent etc etc. All while undermining my DF.
During the last few weeks of our pregnancy she started claiming one SC was needing treatment for depression due to the impending baby and how miserable it was making them. Yet reality is the child couldn't be happier. Is an attentive big sibling. Despite many chats with them by myself and partner (individually) to make sure they were coping alright.
It has all come to a head now as DF sent a text to her explaining the importance of having them come away with us next August (with dates) as we don't want a) them to feel pushed out by the baby coming with us but them not and b) we plan on getting married when we are there. Something of which is important to all of us the kids are there for.
This resulted in a string of abuse and flat out "no" with one of the reasons being she already had a holiday booked. So he sent a second set of dates. To which she replied he wouldn't be taking her kids on her birthday along with a bunch of abuse.
Not to mention she is now starting to shout and swear in front of the children during pick ups.
He is taking her back to court. And obviously has to do mediation first. What points would be the most relevant to bring up/what evidence would he need to take/what are the chances he will be able to get a more precise contact order in place to stop her messing around like this? By her own words she claims she is untouchable.
Quite honestly we are both sick of it. DF lets her get on with her life and never interferes as long as the children are happy. To the point he even ignores the Social Media bullshit from her. Yet she flat out refuses to allow the children to be with him more (despite them vocally saying they want that) . Or to even let us live our life as a family in peace.
We have tried to be reasonable. It is getting nowhere. And now with the little one involved its more important than ever they know they are just as much a part of our family as ever. Because they are. They are much loved. Yet the EW is intentionally putting up barriers, to the point shes even cutting out her own family. Anyone that agrees she is in the wrong she will cut contact with. Even if the children miss them.
None of what she does is in the kids best interests.
What on earth do we do?! And while all of this is going on how do we make sure the children know they are loved and important? That when they ask to see us on birthdays/longer periods over the holidays when we have to say no. How do we make it clear to them its not out of not wanting to but due to their mother? Without at the same time making it look like we are bad mouthing her? As despite all the shit she causes we NEVER bad mouth her to the kids.
Thank you for reading all of that if you got this far!