SD behaviour changing as due date gets closer

[EnidsHoliday]

Hello
I am pregnant with my first baby is due in 2 months. My partner has a 9yo DD from previous relationship. She is normally a very well behaved girl and we have no problems, however it seems as though as the due date for her baby sibling gets closer, her behaviour is slowly getting 'worse'.
Some examples are becoming really really fussy with food and drink and refusing things even though she would eat them before. She now insists she can't sleep without her lamp on (we have her 2x nights a week and it has never been an issue until last week, although we do know her DM has been letting her watch the occasional horror film!). We went bowling on Saturday night and she started crying and refusing to play as she was losing (very unlike her!) before stroppily 'dropping' the ball on the lane, and she has become very clingy to her Dad (my DP).
Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated, we do everything we can to make sure she feels included etc. and really don't know what else do to!
Thanks

It's simple to assume she's feeling jealous over how much your lives will change once baby is here but I think it's important to see what her behaviour is like with her mom too to make sure you're not missing something else going on. School, something with mom etc.

Re jealousy over baby, can you include her in picking out bits for the nursery? Has her room had to change to accommodate baby? Could Dad talk to her about how they divide their time once baby gets here - does she want one dinner out a week just with him etc?

She sounds like she's anxious OP. Anxious and feeling insecure.

I would completely love bomb her. Don't talk much about the baby...just shower her with tonnes of positive attention. If the baby is mentioned, put in context of HER. So for eg. someone mentions your due date....

"Oooh not long now!"

You: Yes! Ann is going to make the BEST big sister. We're very lucky to have Anne. She's just such a wonderful girl."

It sounds OTT but it is needed.....to make sure she feels safe.

Thanks for replies. We have tried to talk to Mum but she’s a little dismissive and just said she can have the light on etc.
We do try and let her pick outfits, get involved in name discussions etc.
Anxiety is a good shout - I seem to remember just before I met DP he mentioned she’d had councilling at school as she was feeling sad etc. I do think she’s quite an emotional character. How’s best to deal do you think? We do show her love and spend time indivually with her (Dad more than me of course but still girl time so she knows I’m here for her and the baby etc)

I think you just have to weather it. Give her an opportunity to talk about anything she wants to and tell her her feelings are acceptable. Try and keep things as stable as you can - none of this "is it OK to tell Dsc that they can't visit for a month because I really want DP to bond with the baby" that you see on here.

The Works sells worry monsters, you write and put your worries in his mouth and he eats them overnight / parent steals them.
Also you can get worry dolls to go under the pillow that she can tell her worries to. Something like that to acknowledge you all see she's struggling but love her and want to help?

Anxious children aren't easy. I have one. They need a lot of patience and a lot of understanding and no judgement.

If you can try to spend some one to one time with her every time you see her...each day she's with you that would help. Baby her up a bit. Tell her Dad that this will help her....I'm not being sexist here but Dads aren't always the most intuitive when it comes to anxious girls.

9 is a funny age too. Sometimes, hormones are already changing.....slowly....but surely.

Make sure she feels loved. Tell her a lot.

I would imagine that as your due date gets closer she is feeling a little anxious and worried about how things will change.
I’m not dismissing what she’s doing but in the grand scheme of things it’s fairly low level and sounds like attempts to get reassurance and attention.
As long as you’re including her and not just talking about the baby when you see her (which is easy to fall into) then all you can do is carry on going and show her that when the baby comes she’s still loved as much.

Everything that's been said about is great advice, and when the baby arrives make sure you and DH keep some time aside just to spend with your DSD. We had similar issues with my DSS when my DD was born (he was 10), we planned a Saturday movie night where he could choose a film and stay up a bit later etc. Made him feel grown up and a bit special. He reverted to a lot of really babyish behaviour in the first 6 months after DD was born, pretending to be ill (when she was crying), forgetting how to do lots of things, stuff like that, so expect this as well! Don't make too much of any of it, just reassure her that's she's loved and important and she will be fine.

You have already had some amazing advice on here. I second things like involving her as much as possible. You can also buy great books that explain in a child friendly way about being an older sibling.

Also when baby arrives maybe get a gift from baby and a little card, that was something my SD still treasures. Also the ‘grown up’ activities we find useful like once a month take her out with just one of you and maybe let her stay up a little after babies bedtime (DS goes to bed at 7 and she goes at 8). Good luck for you new arrival xx