DSD’s mum accusing me of hitting her!

[nonnatushouse]

I’ve got another thread on here that’s been running for a few weeks. In a nutshell, DSD’s mum announced that we were to have DSD for the full 6 weeks 4 days of the holidays after initially agreeing to us having her for 4 weeks and then going back to her for the last 2 and a half.

Apart from completely fucking us up financially, this has also had a profound effect on DSD who has seen her mum for less than two days since the holidays started. I’ve been open and honest about this and last night it came to a head.

DSD was inconsolable. I urged DP to ring his ex and tell her that DSD needs to spend some time with her before she goes back to school. Things got a bit heated an ended up with DSD’s DM asking to speak to me. I told her that amongst many other things, this is having a huge impact on DSD, I said this isn’t the first time she’s done this sort of thing and it has to stop as I’m sick to the back teeth of being free childcare for a large amount of the year.

Her response? ‘Fine, you don’t want to look after X then I’ll make sure that you two never see her again. X has said that you’ve hit her before in the past and I’ll be contacting SS forthwith.’

The hitting this ISNT true. But I’m scared now, DSD has form for telling lies and to top it off she managed to trap her fore arm in the kitchen door this morning so now has a door edge shaped bruise on her arm. A bit of manipulation from her mother and I’m worried that she’ll try and say that I’ve done it. I know if it were to be reported then SS would likely investigate, see that all is well and no further action would be taken but I really don’t want that sort of ‘black mark’ against my name.

I feel as though I’m being blackmailed into being a doormat and having DSD whenever it suits her.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? What do I do?

There is nothing you can do. Ignore. It is highly unlikely Social Services will investigate on the say so of mum - I can’t remember the statistic but Social Services do deal with a very large number of tit for tat rubbish peddled by one parent to the other following the breakdown of a relationship. Unless there have been other concerns logged by others, I wouldn’t expect a visit any time soon.

And if they do investigate, the ‘black mark’ is going to be against mum for the manipulation of her child.

For what it’s worth, I know seeing your dsd distressed and upset is horrible but there is no point whatsoever in pointing out the obvious flaws in someone’s parenting directly to them. It’s a red rag to a bull and was never going to end any other way than with problems.

I think logically, your partner’s ex enjoys her free time so it is unlikely she will follow through with these threats.

So DSDs mum was happy to send her over for 6 weeks knowing or thinking you'd hit her and she never said anything.

Some mother she is.

All I would say to social. In the very unlikely event they contact you. Is that if the mother had suspicions you hit her child. Why would she even send her to be with you?
Hate when mothers use things like that to their advantage. We’ve been having the exact same issue with the ex wife as she believes my partner hit his eldest (she lied) yet still sends the other two children with him every fortnight. Work that out. Let her carry on with her empty threats, she will never do it because she won’t want her kids 24/7.

That’s another take on it entirely.

DSD has sobbed in her bed for her mum since she woke up this morning. This isn’t fair. I’m heartbroken for her.

Like you all say, if I was hitting her daughter she wouldn’t be happy sending her here for 6 weeks.

She’s really boiling my piss at the moment 😡😡😡

I really feel for you. All you are trying to do is your best.

How old is the daughter? Is she old enough to tell her mum how she’s feeling (as mum doesn’t want to hear it from you).

WRT her allegations. Ignore her (silly women) she’s doing it to bully you. What sort of mother wound send her child somewhere for weeks on end when there are abuse allegations. Silly women. She says you’ve hit the daughter and then leaves her there. Anyone with half a brain can see this isn’t true.

As for stopping contact - I doubt this very much. Sounds like she enjoys her free time. Any sign of contact contact stopping - take her to court. Your OH can represent himself - costs £215.

Kids make up their own minds eventually. The girl will see in time who’s been there for her.

I think she should stop making silly threats and think about what's best for her child. Does she think DSD would be happy not seeing her Dad?
Perhaps it's time to leave it to your DP and ex to sort out and not get involved. Just remind him to concentrate on what DSD wants and what is best for her. Rise above the silly threats.

To be honest I don’t think she cares about what DSD feels.

My brother is currently going through a custody battle for his DD after doing absolutely nothing wrong. Mum has a new boyfriend and wants to phase my brother out. His DD is 22 months old and they haven’t seen each other for over two months now. It’s scary how easily a mother can keep a father from seeing their own child. It’s completely wrong but it’s playing on my mind.

The thing is, we’re expendable, she would soon find someone else to palm DSD off onto. She doesnt see the benefit of DSD coming to us to have a relationship with her dad, myself and her little sister, she just sees us as a convenience.