Realising my OH is a lazy dad

[ChocolateCupcake123]

I’ve been with my partner a couple of years, he has a son who’s 8.

We have him fairly often, and OH takes him to cinema/soft play/park etc but I’m beginning to see that he’s actually quite a lazy parent and it’s worrying me! (We are thinking of having our own soon)

He does whatever for an easy life ....
cinema means not having to entertain him for a few hours,
Park OH can just sit on his phone,
Soft play SC runs off on his own.

If we’re at home he’ll let him sit on his xbox or iPad for hours on end. He lets him stay up until 10/11pm because he can’t be bothered to put him to bed. We’re on holiday atm and he won’t get in the pool with him, won’t play any games with him so SC is clearly bored and acting up to get his dads attention!

But I feel like I don’t have any kids so I’m not in a position to judge! Do you think I should be addressing this with him or is this modern parenting?

I love my step son but this lazy parenting is turning him into a clingy-bratty kid!

Thanks everyone. Mixed views but good to see it from both sides!

I work long hours so DP does pretty much all the housework, I’m very lucky in that respect. I’m in a position where I could take a baby back to work with me - still long hours so DP would still do most of the housework.

I do express my views about limiting Xbox time etc, but as DP only has him a couple of nights a week he feels guilty doing anything that will upset DSS. It’s typical separated parent guilt, but he doesn’t see how it affects DSS behaviour and the implications long term!

I seriously would not have a child with a man like that, there is nothing wrong with 'a bit' of lazy parenting and enabling your child to learn some self sufficiency and to be able to entertain themselves but to show so little interest in his own son, particularly when he does't live with you, seems quite shocking. And it's just not good enough to say that plenty of dads are like that, why do so many women set such low expectations for their relationship? I observed my DH for years, in his voluntary work with children, in his interactions with nieces & nephews before I would even consider having a child. Being a good parent is hard work and a child deserves to have two fully invested and involved parents.

He doesn’t sound terrible tbh. He takes him out to the usual places, cleans and cooks? Although he shouldn’t be just looking at his phone the whole time or letting him stay up til 11pm. And some engagement is good!

Does he seem interested in his sons overall development? Have they a good bond? Is he okay with the Ex or does he miss payments?

Question is, do you want more? Then you are with the wrong person if you plan on having kids together.