I married my husband 1 year ago, we have 3 kids - one is 6 years old, is my own son, 1 is 2 years old and 1 just 2 months old. After we married then I move to Canada to him, and before I decided to move here he said to me that all his kids (he has 3 kids on his own) are living with his ex and her next husband. (Just for you guys know more why this is important to me, because when I was lived at my country, I didn’t really had my “own home”. I lived with my parents but didn’t really closer to them so I never thought my parent’s house is my home, after married my ex then we lived together in the rent house so when think about I will have my “own home” to stay with my family and live the life I want, I was so excited). That was perfect for a couple first months, I’m so happy and enjoy it, then my 19 years old step son (at that time is 18) fought with his mom and designed to come to love with us, that changed everything.
At first I always nice to him, but he always party at my basement, and the house always full of weeds smell (I’m non-smoking person), his friends always noisy and stay overnight at my house, come in and out any time they want (even they feel free to open my house at 2am, or 6am to come in), eat our foods, even foods for the kids. But every time I complained about this then my husband always saying that because summer time so it is crazy but when school time then everything will back on track. But then school time came, and my stepson designed he will take 1 year break from school and that just got worse. And I was like give up in the house because too tired of every time I clean up the house then it just back to dirty so quick, like I just did all the dishes then his stepson will bring all his dirty dishes in his room for a week and put to the sink for me to clean up. So I just give up on the house and stop clean up (of course still clean up a little bit but not like before anymore), I’m feeling like this is not my home anymore, just like a free house with a tons of strangers staying together. So after a lot of fighting then my husband must put his feet down, but he always scared that will make the son “sad”. Even when he put his feet down, but anytime when they break the rules (like I tell them a hundred times no smoke weeds in the house, or clean up after his cooking, clean his own bathroom and keep my laundry room clean but they never listen) everything he do just sent the son an “angry message” via phone, and when the son show up then he acting like nothing happened. I’m feeling like my husband way is too easy to his son but every time I complained about that then he turn to that I’m drama this that.
So this year my son will have his first year at school and his son is support to come back school too, and I decided I will put my feet down. I give for his son a house rules and tell it must to follow, and my husband stay beside me but trying to give more ideas for him to break my rules. Then he want me change a couples of my rules because he think that’s “too hard”. I thought I’m living in a big family so each person need put their step back a little bit so everybody can happy, so I’m agreed to change it for him. But then at first day when I just push my rules on, he break that... And my husband blame that now is summer time so I cannot put my rules yet (about his friends need be out at 10pm so I can put the alarm on), and even I asked his son to tell the friends out for 3 times but he ignored me. I’m now crying because feeling so stupid and upset, I don’t know why I given up all my friends, all my life to move to another country to get this. I don’t have any friends here because always need home to care for 3 kids, and my husband is the only one I can trust but now I don’t know... Everytime I think about my stepson and my husband then I feel like I’m just a stranger, no matter how I tried then I’m still not his “blood”. And just so you know, he kind of hard on my son too, even what he did just for my son’s good but I always think that hard for a kid 6 years old. And everytime I complained about his son life style then he will turn the topic to my son and compare them (which 1 is 19, and 1 is ... 6). Now I’m feeling now I already give up my family, my friends, my before life to come here with him for a happy family but it turn to now I need give up my lifestyle in the house to follow his son lifestyle :( I don’t know what to do anymore ...