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Step-parenting

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Parenting conflicts.

4 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 05/08/2018 22:26

Asking some questions on behalf of my OH as he likes MN opinion.

He has an 18 month old daughter, whose mother he was in a 3 month relationship with.

They are very different people. Very different backgrounds. This is why the relationship failed.

His daughter is in his care 3 full days a week. Overnight once a week, and are building up as per the court order.

His daughters mother stipulated her nightime bed routine includes having a bottle of milk with a Rusk in it. My OH is horrified by this. He has not given it to her at bedtime, and she is absolutely fine without. However he wants to address it with mum. He can not though as she is verbally aggressive and abusive (as well as physical). I've suggested contacting the HV. There are other concerns such as lots of plaque build up on teeth, persistent nappy rash, overweight, poor diet, just low level neglect stuff. She is always clean and appropriately dressed, and her mum clearly loves her. She has a clean home etc.

There are other issues in the home, screaming and swearing from mum and her partner. Just turned 4 year old left playing in the garden unattended.

Child has had a social worker, who closed the case recently.

He doesn't want to report all this stuff to social services. Would you get in touch with the HV? Or do nothing as it's all parenting choices? He is unable to discuss it with her.

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 05/08/2018 23:41

Mum can feed her how she chooses. You cannot address this issue with her, it’s just patronising and will cause mistrust between parents.

Nappy fans could be down to all sorts. If she is otherwise clean, and she is generally comfortable then again, nothing to memory about.

Teeth can be dealt with in the time she is with you.

Who says she is overweight?

Is the social worker has closed the case then by all means speak with the health visitor but the level of tolerance is high.

BounceAndJump · 06/08/2018 07:59

4 year old playing in the garden alone is fine.
Bottle and rusk isn't ideal but isn't the end of the world and she'll likely stop it because of her age soon anyway.

He could mention that she didn't have one any of the nights at his as he was worried about her teeth and has slept fine, and that he's just letting her know in case she wants to try stopping it, but he needs to word it nicely not as a criticism.

SebastianCrab · 06/08/2018 08:33

It's extremely hard to co-parent effectively with a high conflict individual... probably the best idea is to not say anything and set about your own routine in your own house.

I'd suggest the best way forward is to let each other get on with your own way whilst the child is with each of you (passing on important information only - medical etc) She's not going to change her mind on what she does, and it would be seen as being a case of "our way is better" which is likely to cause more conflict.

Leave it. Not worth arguing over. You do you, let her do her.

NorthernSpirit · 06/08/2018 09:15

As above poster says, it’s hard co parenting with a high conflict individual. Let mum parent as she sees fit and your OH do the same. You can’t dictate, nor can she.

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