Aibu ?

[Spanglyprincess1]

Partners ex messaged out of blue she will be dropping kids here next week (first time ever since we moved nine months ago) and wants to agree next year's contact calander. I don't want her in my house.

For background, I've never been in her house. I have a newborn baby who is very fretful at the momment and will have the three step children here too. After baby was born she said some vile things in frot of the DSC while on Skype to my partner about bbay not being family and I am livid about it. He is their half brother and I would never dream of saying that to the dsc, they are all family and very much loved. After this I refused any contact with her until I got an apology ( will never happen). Dp said i was making his life difficult but I said I normaly dont take things to heart but this has offended me deeply and I'm not willing to have contact with someone who behaves that way.

Aibu to say to dp that she isn't welcome in the house ( I havnt raised it yet but he knows I'm unhappy)? They can go and sort the calander in the pub and I'm happy to care for the kids while they do or they can sort it be email as they have done for the last five years but I don't want her in my home.
Thought a mn poll of opinions might help me see if I'm being rational or not.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask your DP to meet her elsewhere. Don’t go out, it’s your house! No reason at all for her to come in, and if she’s undermining you then she doesn’t get an invite in. It’s not like you are being nasty, just not being a doormat.

Make sure you discuss the calendar with your DP first too so that you are on the same page.

Thank you to everyone. I've chatted to dp and explained that I'm really not trying to be difficult but would prefer if they went elsewhere both for myself and the children. So he's suggesting he pick up the kids or they meet another time - wins all round. No idea if it will be agreed or not.
Thank you to everyone for the support and opinions. On a posative note if calander is agreed this early for next year then we might be able to book some cheaper school holiday breaks with the kids as it's a year in advance.

Glad tyour DH is sensitive to your feelings and doesnt think its an unreasonable request.

Hope the dates do get sorted it will be nice to know what your doing.

Ignore the nastier cpmments that lack understanding here

There are people who chose to be rude in all walks of life, 99% of posters are fair and reasonable and just express a different viewpoint which is fine. The borderline rude or abusive ones I just ignore :).
I'm.happy it's sorted too (hopefully).

Fuck the moral high ground and rising above BS, she was bang out of order and there's absolutely no logical reason she needs to be in your house when there are plenty of coffee shops around they can meet at.

"Silentnighttwo

Can’t you and baby go out whilst she is there?"

Why should she leave her house for that woman when see above coffee shop suggestion.

So glad to read your update OP.

YANBU at all. It is your home and you shouldnt be made to leave it with your young baby for his Ex.
I am glad your partner has now agreed to meet somewhere else but I actually think him even thinking that was ok in the first place and painting you as the bad guy after her behaviour is disgusting.
I dont agree with people that you have to just put up with the ex being nasty because you are the stepmum, you have feelings too.
It is her that is making her childrens lives here hard not you.
There is no need for someone like that to be in your house.
I wouldnt engage with her tbh she sounds really toxic.

Glad it sounds like you've sorted it OP

Fwiw YADNBU and I'm actually a strong believer in contact arrangements being agreed away from the DC so it's probably best if you did look after the DC whilst they go to a cafe or pub. It's also better to be on neutral ground too.

Yanbu. It's perfect weather for the pub.

My ex was quite nasty about my dd telling ds she was only his half sister I said my peace and that was the end of it. He was immature and no doubt slightly jealsous I moved on. He has had a dd and no doubt might be feeling abit embrassed about his remark but sometimes you just go to let things go op. Let them deal with the calendar.

The comment was made to piss you off, and it worked. You simply need to ignore it.
There is no need for her to come into your home, and frankly I don't understand why they need to meet to arrange a calendar, email is perfectly sufficient.

@PrettyLovely - unfortunately if you are a stepmum these are exactly the things you have to put up with and learn to accept that your feelings are of no importance. You should always know this if you get together with someone who has DCs from a previous relationship and - most importantly - you must suck it up forever.

MachineBee -g I assume that was sarcastic!
Stepparents take on the children yes and their feelings etc matter but they do not take on the ex partñer nor does anyone have the right to insult another human being without consequences. People are free to behave as they wish, but actions have consequences for adults. Old saying but applies, not my circus.

I think MachineBee’s comment was definitely saracastic OP. Lots of people think what she’s wrote though unfortunately.

Funinthesun18 - sadly yes. I'm fortunate as my stepkids are really lovely kids and we have bonded. A credit to their mom n dad tbf.

Same. Just a shame certain adults have to spoil it.

You don't want her in your house but it doesn't really sound like there's any reason for her not to drop the kids off and agree contact times. That's a legitimate reason. You would be unreasonable and be making things more hostile by making a thing of it.

She said something that was unkind. She may have been having a difficult time herself. I'm not making excuses but it doesn't sound like she's an abusive person so it maybe best to try and move on for the children's sake.

I was mostly being sarcastic, but sadly there are lots of people who genuinely think this is how it should be for step mums. I agree with you.