Please help with hubby’s ex and nits!!

[Time4Gin]

Hello, I desperately need some Mummy advice! I have a son aged 9 from a previous relationship and my husband has a daughter aged 8 also from a previous relationship. We have had a huge problem with nits since the daughter started in reception some 5 years ago. She lives with her mum, hubby’s ex, in the week and we have her up most weekends, maybe 2 out of three. I got nits a few times in that first year she was at reception and my son got them once too, no big deal: treated whole family, all ok. We got them again, and annoying as it was, treated again, no big deal. But then since Year 1, I have been getting them every weekend she’s up. When she goes I scrape and lotion my hair and they go. When she come up again, by the Sunday night I am itchy again and find a louse or two and eggs on me and treat myself again. It’s been like this for four years and I don’t know what to do. We treat the whole family and comb everyone with the NG comb every day for ages so I think she goes back to her mum without them but just to be sure, on a weekend we didn’t have the kids, I went to The Hair Force and paid loads of money (£100) to get them professionally removed. But this weekend she was up again and yup I got them again and while combing daughter’s hair, found lice and eggs on her again.

I have already fallen out with the Mummy as two years ago I was so upset to still keep gettting them I emailed her and asked if she could comb and treat her daughter more because I had had nits every time the daughter came up. She was really defensive and angry but I just couldn’t see where else I was getting them from - we had combed the whole family time and time again and used teatree oil and Baby oil to smother them and the zapper and we always give her back nit free.

So how do I speak to her Mummy about this now? I think she already thinks I’m a bully because I asked her to keep her daughter’s hair plaited while at school, comb every day and use a spray/teatree oil, but she said she didn’t know how to plait and got defensive as I say. She did say there were kids at her daughter’s school who keep having them and that she does sometimes forget to comb, but she only ever does it once a week or so.

The lovely daughter herself is very sweet and says she will plait her own hair (she is v good at it) and that she will ask her Mummy herself to comb every day, but I’m so miserable to have to go back to the specialists and pay again to make sure mine are gone another time and can’t help but blame her Mummy for being a bit remiss. Am I wrong?

How should I approach the mother? There is literally nowhere else I am getting them from and the daughter doesn’t get them from us so I am at a complete loss as to how to stop this constant ground hog day!!!

If you think I’m being an arse please say so, I understand nits are part of school life but every weekend or so? I must have had them fifty times or more and I’m now having to keep paying to guarantee I am nit free!!

What’s your advice please? I’d be ever so grateful to hear other people’s thoughts!

Firstly, it's up to your husband to liaise with his ex rather than leave it to you. She might possibly take it better from him.

Secondly, comb the girl's hair as soon as she arrives at your to get rid of any lice and eggs, and do it every morning and evening while she's with you. At least that way you'll all be nit-free if even if the poor girl gets them again when she goes home.

Yes I don't understand why you're the one having to deal with her. Your husband should be. Hasn't he offered?

And £100??? They saw you coming. I always got rid of them with a 49p bottle of conditioner and a big standard comb and went through it regularly.

Why don’t you treat dsd the moment she arrives?
I have some sympathy with both of you as mine get them over and over again from school, it’s a constant struggle

Sounds like resistance. Like antibiotic resistance due to overuse. M e have had them about 3 times. Hedrin once and painstaking combing did the trick. If you look at the life cycle of the head louse then it seems you're not getting rid of the eggs and that's why you find lice again so quickly.
I agree with leaving it to your DP to sort out with his ex though.
Good luck.

Who do you think your SD is getting them from?

I would be hesitant to "blame" the mother, as previous posters have said, from your description and from the life cycle of egg to nit, it's likely that the treatment you are doing is no longer effective.

We have had this recently with DD, there seems to be a stream of super nit at her school, who are resistant to the usual hedrin etc. We are in a cycle of regular treatment as she keeps getting them from kids at school. I know the other parents are treating, but one egg left and a few days later you can have a head full.

Also some of those combs don't work. We use a variety.

Treating son last night, (alongside rest of family) I could see an egg in his hair, he had already had the 8 hr treatment, the green handle comb wasn't shifting it, nor the white plastic one which came in the pack. Luckily he is dark so I could see it. It wasn't shifting so I pulled out the hair (gently!) and even off head the egg was stuck fast.

Tbh I would put the stuff in as she leaves also.
That way ex will have to deal with the washing /combing and see what you have been dealing with.

How long is the nit cycle is it possible you're just reinfecting each other or you have eggs that hatch then she arrives and the pass over and so on?

My twins would often come home with nits it was a battle to get rid of them especially in the summer.
However I got some hair oil asdas I little tub see through and put it on their hair it's not greasy touch or see but greasy for the nits they didn't like it one bit never had them since its been well over 2 years now

The nits take 7 days to hatch so it is actually highly unlikely you are properly getting rid of them at the weekend. It is probably just the original ‘infection’ being kept back but never actually being got rid of.

Have you tried a nitty gritty comb? You really do have to go at it for several days in a row - personally I treat and comb and then for the next 7 days condition and comb. I then leave a day and on day 2 comb again. If nit free, I leave 2 days and then 3 days and so on until 7 says free. If I come up with anything, I go back to everyday and then 2 days etc. I think condition and comb once a week for a few weeks to keep at bay. At that point, I would consider us nit free.

OP, I was once upon the time the ex you are frustrated with. My kids were plagued with nits, it was an absolute nightmare.

What made it more frustrating was battling with my OH's partner (at the time only been together a short time) who reacted on the assumption that I didn't care and did nothing about it. It was so far from the truth. I had tried every treatment on the market, even tried new things when we went abroad, combed religiously every morning, having to get up at 6am to take the time to do it, and even when I would finally managed to get rid of them for a few weeks, they would come back with it to my utter dismay.

Both my kids have exceptionally thick hair, and I was told my a number of hairdressers that this type of hair makes it extremely difficult to get rid of nits and the more treatments you do, the more resistant they become.

I sympathise as of course, it's horrible when you get them yourself, but don't assume that your SD mum doesn't care of doesn't do all she can to deal with it.

In my kids' case, the problem finally disappeared for good when they were in year 8 at secondary school. It is a bit odd that you get them every time because in all those years of misery with my kids, I only ever caught them once myself. They definitely do like a certain type of hair.

Good luck trying the above suggestions, hopefully it will work for your SD. I had tried all of these without any good result, but you can always try.

Thanks all of you! I came back from the nit specialists this morning who confirmed and guaranteed that I was nit and lice free!

The trouble with the ex is not that she doesn’t care or isn’t doing stuff but that she puts the lotion on which clearly isn’t working and only combs once a week for a few minutes. - and yes there’s probably one egg they’re not getting or something and I’m getting reinfected. Certainly in the past it’s also possible I wasn’t getting rid of everything too.

We wrote to her again and just said that we had had advice to comb with conditioner every day for at least the next 14 days - though we have the DSD again in a week - and that we all have to be vigilant and make a much bigger effort - we wrote it as “we together with you are in this together” kinda vibe.

Swingofthings - I wish DH’s ex was as conscientious as you. She actually has been v lapse, more than I’ve said here for fear of sounding like I’m running her down gratuitously, but I hope she will realise to do more this time. Year 8????????? Dear god I hope we don’t have that long to endure, poor you and well done for your amazing efforts!

This is my entire life OP.
The odd thing is that usually I was never cross infected by my DCs. This time, it has unfortunately happened It's a nightmare!

I spent a very long time checking on the youngest recently. Her DF announces 'she has nits', then disappears. He has young step DCs, so it's a cycle.
Drives me mad.
I checked visually - couldn't see them. Did the conditioner and comb thing - lots of creatures emerged. I then went over her scalp visually with conditioner - and there were loads of tiny ones. The nitty gritty comb wasn't touching the fuckers!
I bought some 'Full Marks' (she has super sensitive skin), and suffocated the fuckers for half an hour. Then repeated the combing. Then went through with my fingers once more.
I repeated the process on myself- brilliant entertainment.

I have never seen such tiny little buggers in my life.

If I have to continue indefinitely I will be insane. I'm no longer blaming my ex (telepathically) though.

Sorry but my 7yo would be very involved in her own nit problem, why are you leaving it to her carefree mother? Give the kid the instructions, the nit kit and get her to do it at home. Surely she’d prefer to be less itchy (and ostracised)? I’d be talking to her about how much more fun life will be at your place when half the weekend doesn’t go on head treatments, etc. Google it with her if you must.

Maybe when her mum sees her making a mess, she’ll join in! Once the kid’s convinced she hates nits, she’ll nag and whine at home more, no?

I agree that as a first step I’d deliver her back covered in gloopy conditioner, with comb in hand, every time.