Why am i suddenly thinking this

[uka888]

Hi,
I have been feeling a bit confused the last couple of days and wondered if you guys can help. I have 2 lovely stepsons (5 and 7), I'm not married to my partner but have been together coming up to 4 years and I moved in with him about 6 months ago. We have taken the process really slowly over the years and I am lucky to have a lovely relationship with the boys. We have them often, have been on a couple of family holidays together and are going on another in a few weeks time.

They were 3 and 4 when I met them , and it has definitely been an eye opening. I love them and spending time with them but its shown me how hard having children is. It's weird, growing up I never felt like I wanted children or imagined I would but I felt children would be involved in my life somehow. If you had told me I'd be with someone who already had children I would have said no way, I was always really cautious about relationships but this just felt right and felt like its meant to be.

My partner has always been clear he didn't want anymore children, about a year in he said sometimes he thought would it be like to do it 'right' raise them full time with the partner, but realization of how hard it is kicked in and he is sure he doesn't want anymore. I am too, a couple of weeks ago one of my friends told me she is pregnant. She has wanted children for years so this wasn't a surprise to me and I'm really pleased for her (lots of my friends already have children), then in random conversation my partner mentioned maybe looking into getting the snip and for some reason the last couple of days I've freaked out thinking what if in the future I regret not having children!?

I am 34 and he is 39, I'm not feeling like I wanted children now, I am so happy with my partner and his boys really am, all I want is a kitten lol! So I am really confused as to why I've suddenly been overthinking this in the last 2 days. Its more a fear of what if in the future I regret not having children? What if my stepsons don't want to speak to me when they are older?! I am only child and sometimes I feel a little sorry for my parents they wont have grandchildren although my cousin is pregnant so there will be children in the family and they see my stepsons every 2-3 months.

I don't want to mention this to my partner because I think it would worry him I'm having a major U-turn as I've always agreed I don't want children, and even now I'm sure I don't , I just don't know why I'm suddenly worried about the future?!

I forgot to say also I did have a pregnancy scare about 5 months ago and I was so worried, I was so relieved when it was negative it confirmed to me I didn't want children.

Maybe its just if my partner has the snip that option is completely gone in the future if I did change my mind.

Right...you are 34 and your doubts are normal. Having or not having children is a MAJOR decision..huge decision..you are entitled to not want to have any and then change your mind.

Your partner is key here. If he knows he is 100% done and has no issues with denaying you a chance to be a mother you should think very very carefully if he is worth it.
What stands out to me is that you don't feel able to discuss it with him and are afraid of his reaction. At your age NOT having doubts would be very unusual...
You should be able to talk to him about it. Inuding your fears re step sons..If you think he is worth sacrificing motherhood for you should be able to talk to him about thouse things..

Perspnally I think no men is worth such sacrifice.
His boys, your step sons, might be challenging and it's true that parenthood is hard however it's also amazing and you will never have a bond with anybody that compares to that with your own child.
Also step children are much harder for step parents than their own children.

I never wanted kids either.. now I have one and it IS hard so I will stop at one but I love him so very much that to not have ever experienced it would be somehow a shame..Motherhood changes you and nobody should feel they can denay you that-ESPECIALLY a men who already is a father..

I never wanted children and now I have one and adore him. People change. Speak openly to your partner about your worries.

I’m 24 and so don’t feel as though I can comment but after reading your post I wanted to share with you what my mum often tells me is that you should never not have kids for the benefit of someone else. She has multiple friends that didn’t have children because their partner “already did” and she said that a lot of them have grown to regret it. I think it’s great that you love his children, but that love will never be the same as the love for your own child. And I hate to be a negative Mary but if anything happened between you and him in the future he would leave and his kids would go with him. And aside from your outer family and friends who would be there with you. I’m not saying this is a reason to have kids but honestly just think about it. My partner already has three and I do get on with them but I am still very much aware should anything happen between us they will be gone along with him. He’s got to experience all that. Why shouldn’t you? Good luck x