Bloody OH. I do too much!

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

DSD has come to us tonight for the start of her summer holidays.

I’m not going to go into great detail but I’ve definitely made a rod for my own back with OH where DSD is concerned. His piss taking is limitless and I’d be here all night if I had to reel it all off.

Anyway, tonight I was speaking on the phone to an important client, thy won’t be in the country until next Thursday so we had to speak over the phone. This was at 8:30 after already putting DD (4) to bed (DSD goes a bit later as she’s older)

I was speaking to OH recently, trying to hint that it would be nice for DD’s, particularly DSD, if he would take a more hands on approach with them with regards to bedtime or just generally looking after your own fucking kids from time to time. Although, more tactfully put. I thought tonight would be his chance to put DSD to bed. I finished talking with my client and walked back into the living room at 9:45. They’re both sat there, he’s glued to the TV and DSD is glued to the iPad. He then says ‘well, are you going to take her to bed?’

No I most certainly am fucking not you unfathomable man child!! You do it!! So, he took DSD to bed. I’ve just been to check on her and she’s still in the clothes she was wearing when she came ?!?!?!? WTAF??? Why didn’t he get her undressed, brush her teeth and give her a wash over the sink!! I feel as though I have to write instructions out for him! I hope I aren’t being unreasonable, just thought that this was the basics.

Apologies for the rant. Anyone else have an OH like this?

He put his child to bed in her clothes!? How old is she?

How old is dsd?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. He’s being fucking ridiculous and it’s not your job to compensate for his failures as a parent.

Nothing awful will happen because she slept in her clothes for a night but you need to have (another) serious chat about how he needs to step the fuck up. Don’t be gentle about him assuming and expecting you’ll do everything so he can sit on his arse and opt out of caring for his daughter.

I’m assuming you also take on the bulk of cooking, cleaning and crappy wife work?

We function as a family unit here which means DH usually does bed time with my DSC and I duck in for a cuddle or to read a story but sometimes I’ll do baths, teeth etc while he’s clearing up dinner then he does stories, it’s flexible and depends what else is going on. He would cope perfectly well without me, I just hopefully make life easier, but he was parenting just fine on his own and still is.

Pretty sure my DSC would be very hurt if he tried to palm them off on me, how has it come to this? You’ve got ovaries which automatically makes you more capable of putting a kid to bed?

Why is he more able to put your DD to bed than his?

He’s being a tool.

My dp put his kids to bed always and baths them. He does forget teeth sometimes though. I tend to do cooking or they would live off chips n pizza (burnt ones!).
This it not okay- how did he manage before you came along? Does he do housework? No way should you put up with it but it will take a serious chat to sort!

Why are you "trying to hint"?

But in answer to your question, no, my dp is not like this st all. Why would I want to be with someone so pathetic and lazy?

The sad thing here is that it could look to your dsd that no one wants to put her bed

He is a complete arse. YANBU and need to hAve a very honest chat with him.

The mother of his first child probably let him get away with it, and you clearly have done so for many years too.

Men are only clueless because we let them be so.

The mother of his first child probably let him get away with it, and you clearly have done so for many years too.

More to the point she probably got fed up of it and kicked him in the kerb

Why have a child with someone you knew was a shit parent? Did you think he would magically change?

He is lazy. Either get rid since youre not married, or start re-training. DO NOT CONTINUE AS NORMAL OR HE WOLL
NOT LEARN.

Why is it either woman's job to make him be a parent?

Jesus wept.

Was he making a point by putting her to bed in her clothes? As I assume he doesn’t sleep in her clothes so he obviously knows that changing for bed is normal.
I wouldn’t be so subtle and would say to him he’s doing bedtimes on an alternate basis or just make them his job.
My DSD used to go to bed at the same time as us which wasn’t working as she would get over tired etc so I said to DH she needed an earlier bedtime and helped create a bit of a routine but since then I’ve left them to it. It’s actually really nice for them too as they have a chat and a story and hopefully something she’ll remember her dad doing.

Erm. I’d stop being so tactful and be completely direct. He sounds lazy. This isn’t not understanding parenting. Or any other bullshit excuse to explain away his behaviour. He cannot he bothered to do it.

He needs to get bothered. And you need to very direct. This isn’t rocket science.

God he sounds completely lazy. He needs to step up and start parenting.

I have 2 DSC. My OH does all of the parenting when they are with us because they are his children and he wants to. Of course I help with stuff (as we’re a partnership) but it’s upto him to lead. And I certainly don’t get involved in bedtime, that’s a special time for him and the kids.

Stop running around after him. He needs to step up and learn.

Agree, don't hunt, bluntly tell him

Hint**

No more hinting!!!

Dictate some ground rules for him parenting DSD and DD....

Seriously I couldn't tolerate such a dreadful attitude from him

Does he sleep in the clothes he's worn all day?

Men are only clueless because we let them be so.

I agree with you.

With our owns 1 put one to sleep he does the other, sometimes I do both he does dishes. His son I only do if he isn't at home and now that he is a teenager I don't say nothing, he knows what time he has to go to sleep and the consequences. I only remind him of the time lol. If my partner would asked me that I would seriously have slapped him... I can do ur dh for a small fee hahshahaha. Men think we can do all and from time to time if I'm pissed off because I have done everything myself I would list the things I have done and things are left to do and I would say... Your turn darling, other strategy is to leave something that he really can't understand untidy for him to do, dishes, bathroom whatever.... Big hugs, go for a walk, have a nice shower and relax, anger makes u look less pretty :)

Well, you certainly have dropped yourself in it here!
If I were you, I'd insist, for a week or so, that you put both kids to bed together and don't take no for an answer. Make sure he watches what you do, and he does his share, even if it is only story reading!
After two, weeks the poor little (useless lump) lamb should have got it, and can start doing it in his own!

Jesus. People really live like this?!