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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

My cats and his children

16 replies

Moonshine90 · 15/07/2018 12:57

Hello, I’m having a bit of trouble co-habitating with my partner of 3 years. I recently moved my life including 2 adored cats to live with him. He has recently started saying how I’m a ‘package deal’ and compares my moving in with them as much harder work than the children. I feel a bit hopeless about this and don’t know what to do. Ive taken on being essentially a step mother to his two kids, who we see one evening during the week and alternate weekends. They are young and with two different mothers, I feel I’ve also accepted and taken on two exes. Something not many relationships have to withstand. I don’t think my cats should even come into the discussion really, or am vwing Unreasonable? I feel slightly belittled that this is even happening.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RafikiIsTheBest · 15/07/2018 13:03

Sorry I'm a little confused, he can't seriously be calling your cats 'baggage' (a term I don't like TBH) when he's got two children to two different women and he expects you to be involved with???
Yes pets are hard work at times, but is he wanting rid of them or what? I'm not sure on how well this relationship is going to go if he views your beloved cats as unworthy of hard work. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, just can't do with people who see animals as disposable or unworthy of care.

LunaTrap · 15/07/2018 13:13

Unless he is severely allergic or your cats regularly shit in his bed then he is being ridiculous. It sounds like he is aware that you have taken on alot and is being defensive, trying to claim that the sacrifices are 'even.'

SandyY2K · 15/07/2018 16:48

Your post isn't clear. What's the problem? Doesn't he like cats or have the children got a problem with the cats?

Faerie87 · 15/07/2018 19:49

Is he saying it in jest?

Readyfortheschoolhols · 15/07/2018 19:53

Sounds like he actually does realise what you have signed up for and is trying to ease his concerns by claiming to has made sacrifices also!!
Tool.

Hope your dcats are accepting of his dc!!

Snappedandfarted2018 · 15/07/2018 22:38

Tbh I would run like the hills if he has two YOUNG dc to two different women, it doesn’t say a lot for him sticking around long term, but odd to refer to your cats as baggage considering his step up

Original poster

Moonshine90 · 16/07/2018 11:04

Hi all, thanks for the comments. He doesn’t particularly care for animals, but says he loves me and wouldn’t chuck me out because of them. I just wanted to sound it out loud in an unbiased forum.

OP posts:

BlingLoving · 16/07/2018 11:09

"Wouldn't chuck me out because of them" - wow, he's a prince. He sounds entitled and like he thinks he has all the power. I'm guessing you're now feeling like you have to be super careful and accommodating to him in all things in case something else IS in fact enough for him to "chuck you out".

If he had an issue with you bringing your cats that should have been discussed in the first place. This can't be a surprise.

I think you need to have a serious discussion with him. If he is going to constantly harp on about the cats and make you feel bad, then this is not going to work long term.

Benandhollysmum · 16/07/2018 12:31

2 young kids with 2 mothers and he’s trying to belittle you..sounds like he’s a bit of a nightmare hence the 2 mother’s buggering off..

VocalDuck · 16/07/2018 12:37

He sounds awful and the kind of person who thinks pets are disposable. Then again, he has obviously thought that about his very short lived relationships with the mothers of his children.

POPholditdown · 16/07/2018 12:41

What’s the context of him saying he’d never chuck you out? That’s not a normal thing that comes up in conversation! Almost sounds like he’s already mulled over the decision!

Smallhorse · 16/07/2018 12:47

I think it’s a huge deal to move two cats into someone else’s home ( I love cats) and am not surprised he is struggling.

But I’m still not clear what the actual problem is.

PatriciaHolm · 16/07/2018 16:15

I'm still not entirely sure what the issue is. What exactly is he saying or doing? The odd comment about how suddenly having 2 pets in the house when you aren't a pet person isn't out of order, constant harping on about how much hard work they are is.

Cherubfish · 16/07/2018 16:19

Tell him you won’t expect him to have anything to do with feeding / cleaning / paying for / caring for your cats as long as he doesn’t expect you to do anything for his children. That should change his tune!

Hepzibar · 16/07/2018 21:41

OP You will only get advice and support if you are clear about the issues?
What is it about the cats that you do? That he objects to? ?

RepealRepealRepeal · 18/07/2018 01:56

I'm also really unclear on what his issue is? Unless they're tigers or lions, what's hard work about them? I have lots of animals and the cats are the least hard work of all of them as long as I'm available to open doors, refill bowls, plump pillows, etc on their command.

My ex couldn't handle my cat or any of the other animals, when he moved in. At one point he decided he was allergic to them, despite having no symptoms at all, and that they were badly behaved because one scratched him when he pulled it's tail. He started talking to other people about how we were going to have to get rid of the cats, and eventually people started mentioning it to me. Neither the cats, nor I miss him.

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