7 yr old stepson

[mummatee]

So for the last year or so I've had a stepson a lot older than my Dd she's just turned 3.
We have him twice an week after school and every other Friday night over night.

Recently we've noticed his becoming very competitive and annoying towards her, I don't know if it's a brother sister thing but it's starting to annoy me us adults, at dinner times he's very competitive about how much he's ate or DD has, most of the time he'll ask if he's got/ eat more than her he gets very upset to the point where he'll cry if DD finishes before he does, tonight at dinner time he took her plate away while she was sill sat at the table because she was having a drink instead of eating which resulted in her biting him ( before the parent police come out we told her off straight away and told him off for taking her plate), she's very protective of her food we just don't know why he's becoming so competitive with her his dad has spoke to him about this multiple times but it doesn't seem to be getting any better, is this a normal thing and something that just happens?

Send him to his room every time he acts out. He’ll soon shut up.

That's not good advice. He's behaving like that for a reason. He probably feels jealous of the time she gets to spend with his dad. You need to be firm when he misbehaves but also try and help him to feel more secure in his relationship with your partner

He's probably fixating on the food because it's something he can easily control. Maybe you should seat them apart for the time being at meal times. It's inconvenient but for the amount of time you have him not the end of the world

My 5 year old races with things a lot of the time. Getting into the bath, finishing a meal, first to get dressed, first to get shoes on and be by the door etc.
We've managed to explain to her that its not fair if her sister is never first as it will make her sad ('how would you feel if you were never the fastest?') And she now deliberately let's her sister do things first a lot of the time and gets praise from us for being nice and saying well done and clapping her etc so she sees the benefit of not being first too by getting that attention.

Alternatively you could try to tell him off each time, but we found it easier to just adjust it to being a nicer version of 'who will be first' as she enjoys doing it, and it stops her taking forever to do things like getting her shoes on.

He sees her as competition for a reason. And it doesn’t sound like he gets much time with his dad to start with.

He's jealous. He needs more time with his father.

My DD (8) and my DS (5) compete with everything. Sometimes its sportsmanlike and friendly, other times it's war

I think it's easy to take the younger ones side because you can see the unfair advantage however the older child needs some praise and to feel special too.

I've found with my 8 year old that if I "wink wink" encourage her to let her brother win things sometimes but keep it between the 2 of us she feels grown up and often takes on the role of big sister well by letting him win, she gets her praise from me for being a big girl and at the same time he gets to think he's won the game of who can stuff blueberries in their gob the fastest 🤷🏼‍♀️

She still gets wound up with him from time to time as he's perfected how to wind her up rather well 😂

Make sure he's getting some time with his father. He may feel a bit like an outsider so is trying to stamp his authority a little but also accept that some sibling rivalry is totally normal

A bit of normal sibling behaviour, a bit of jealousy that she gets more time with his dad than he does.

Some siblings are very close, some are 50/50 and some compete at every opportunity even when they receive the same education from the same two parents. It's personalities. Don't make it a personal thing toward your DD, he probably would be the same with any other siblings, although if your DD rises to it (she's entitled to do so), it will fuel the conflict.

Don't tell him off for it, he might just be a very competitive kid and that should be natured. What he needs to learn is that there are places to be so and places that are not, and the table isn't one of them. Could he do some competitive sport with his dad?