Advice needed

[mrst07]

So my step son is nearly 13, he has lived with us full time for 4 years and doesn't speak to BM. His BM is a serial liar and she's the worst kind as she ends up believing her own lies. Step son has so many of her traits including the lying, his behaviour seems to be a constant battle and we don't know what else to do, we've tried grounding him taking game consoles away talking to him we've even got him counselling. I just don't know what else to do, does anyone have any tips or been through s similar situation? Thank You

Not been through this. But would some counselling for him help? Is the main problem him lying? Can’t be easy for him.

Ok some experience here.
So for us the main thing we did was try and implement consequences as much as possible so DSD could learn from these undesirable behaviours.
DP and I discuss the consequences and then he actions them and I back him up.
Some examples
Dsd and some friends used to mess about on the school bus and dsd wouldn't eat her lunch at school and lie about it. It culminated in dsd using said food to start food fights on the bus.
We received a letter home so after a big talk about how disappointed we were. We A... set up a school lunch card and B made her walk 3 miles (6 to school) to show her how far she would have to walk if the school bus stopped her from using it for bad behaviour. When we'd done 3 she thought that was 6 and we said we would have to look round and do it again she almost cried and promised she would behave on the bus from then on. No problems since.
Attitude has instant consequences which if ignored turn to zero communication. If she cannot speak in a kind and respectful way we do not want to talk or help her in return. This has definitely been working and now she is more and more polite less shouting and aggression is almost zero.
If she wants to do something or have a friend over we say that her room must be tidy and clean. If it's not done she can't go/have friend to stay. Because 1 it's a consequence and 2 it's not nice to make a friend sleep in a messy room. She's definitely learning this one.
She wanted to go on a trip for guides recently and she asked so so nicely we definitely wanted to make it happen.
She wants Netflix in her room atm... I said I will set it up when her room is tidy... still waiting but she's not getting angry over it because she knows the onus is on her.

There's a few of my examples and the key is team work.
Dsd and I made chocolate chip cookies yesterday ready to give to her Dad today and she loved it. Plus homemade present.

Elchan03 - we've tried everything you've mentioned, not so much the ignoring bad behaviour so maybe give that a go. I bake with him his dad plays football with him he's on a footy team and we make time for him, we even make sure he still has a relationship with siblings and family on BMs side. Thanks for the advice.
NothernSpirit - as stated in original post he's had counselling I don't dispute it's hard for him but we just can't keep on with this continuous circle that we're going around in

@mrst07 I hope it gets easier. Is there any clubs he goes to like scouts where the scout leader could do a session on lying?
The guides leader did one on personal hygiene to help dsd secretly at out request

@ElChan03 he used to do street dancing and his teacher did a discussion on it and his football coach has also done the same, just feel like I'm failing which is draining when we're trying so hard x

I know that feeling so well. I spent a year banging my head against a wall about it because it seemed so hopeless. We also have to bear in mind that teenagers as a rule can be terrible as well.
Is it just lying or are there other things?

Try not to associate his bad behaviour with his dm. Ye may be extra panicking over the lying fearing he will end up in her situation. Teens have their own demands so he is just entering that phase. And teens can lie to get to do stuff or out of stuff. Maybe a parenting course would help where ye would meet other parents of teens and that discussion together is very supportive.
Remember a lot of us only go through teens with totally unconditional love. There is no end to that..it is there no matter what traits they have.

@ElChan03 no he's got into fights called other kids some names I won't repeat he's stole a pack of biscuits from a corner shop and stole money from us this has been over 5 years and there have been improvements but just seem to be in a constant circle at the moment.

@junebirthdaygirl yeah I know some of it is normal teenage stuff but a lot of it isn't, I have sat him down and said you can't go through life being angry at everyone else for BMs actions and the only person who can make good of this bad situation in the end is him. Maybe there is nothing we can do and it's just a case of buckle up and enjoy the ride lol