Step parental adoption

[Cathyx2017]

Hello everyone!
I would like to hear your step parent adoption stories please. My Children 10 and 12 have expressed so much interest in being adopted by dh that we have started the process. Ex is contesting even though he has not had contact in 5 years. He has history, before my children of no contact with 2 of his children prior to mine ... and another once since.
How likely is this?
Children are very certain that they do not want any contact whatsoever.
Thanks x

Hi OP,
I'm in a very similar situation as you. My ex has been NC for 8 years, for 2 younger children he's been NC with for 3 years and is also contesting. He has a criminal record as long as my arm, drinks, takes drugs etc.
I'm going to see a solicitor next week. I have a free 30 min appointment, could you do similar to find out where you'd stand legally?

Sorry that wasn't clear
8 years NC with my 3 children and NC for 3 years for 2 younger children with another woman.

Thanks TotallyWingingIt We have already had sw interviews and she is going to recommend that dh is suitable candidate to adopt. She is now going to interview ex who has said he will contest, despite no contact from his side for 5 years. I really want to know the likely good of this being granted ... with him contesting but the children wanting this 100 %

Did you have to contact him to ask if he would contest? I am worried about doing this due to him being generally nasty and abusive. That's great that the SW is recommending it goes ahead

I don’t know if this helps, but my friend adopted his step daughter. The father wasn’t very involved, and did not have guardianship. He didn’t contest it, so I’m unsure of likelihood for you. I think get the process started and then there will be clarity as you get professional advice. Your Ex may have a knee jerk reaction and then settle down.

Yes I’m hoping that is the case Bananasinpyjamas1. He’s is due to complete sw interview, late due to his elusiveness. I’m not sure if the sw will inform him of what the children have told her or not and whether this will change his mind.
I really want to know likelyhood of success when an absent father contests. I have heard the courts rarely agree to adoptions in these circumstances... but not sure of the stats

Yes TotallyWingingIt. We had to contact him first to let him know of intentions before the sw would contact him. He is then having his interview with the sw to get his views formally noted

I didn't think it was possible if contested.

I agree with Sandie - isn't it the other way round, it can only go ahead with the other person's permission?

No, that's not the case. Step parent adoption can still go ahead even with the other parent contesting

She is now going to interview ex who has said he will contest, despite no contact from his side for 5 years

I'd love to know what possible reason he's going to give for this lack of contact.

I don't understand how anybody can abandon their children like this. It's shocking behaviour.

I was just wondering if you knew
he'd not had contact with his previous children when you were together?

Please keep us posted on this? I too am in a position where in the future my DP would like to adopt my DD, once we are married. Ex hasn't seen DD in nearly 6 years, any attempts at contact have been horrific thanks to him. He will contest just because.

I adopted DD1 and was originally her step mum, but it was made easy by her mum not contesting at all (and failing to facilitate contact and moving to a different country!). Hope it goes well for you!

Given your children’s ages, it’s very possible that their wishes will be acknowledged. I think CAFCASS will take the account of a 10yo, I’m not completely clear on ages, but it’s probably case by case.

That they are both in agreement is also positive.

Do your children want any contact with their father? Have they ever expressed a desire to know their dad?

It’s sad that your relationship with the father has come to this, I mean that in a non-judgemental way, I really do. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must be to have children with a man who couldn’t care less about his children. So lovely that you have met a man who does want to be in their lives.

Hi could i ask how you went on with this as? Thanks

I have an extended family member who was adopted by a step father at a relatively early age. Sadly, his mom's second marriage failed and the step father stopped seeing my cousin a year after the divorce.

My cousin then blamed his mom for bringing not 1 but 2 jerks into his life. Today, he is reconciled with his biological father and has legally changed his name back to his father's surname.

His father agreed to the adoption because he was young and did not feel that he was ready to be a father. My cousin's mother pushed for the adoption because she wanted an involved father for her son. I really don't know why her then husband agreed to the adoption. If I had to guess, I would think that rather than wanting or needing to be a parent under those circumstances, he did it to please my cousin's mother.

OP , your children may be hurt by their father's rejection, but as there is no urgent need to make an immediate change, I would give both them and your current relationship more time before making this move. As long as your husband remains caring and committed, being adopted 2 years from now gives both your kids and the relationship more time to mature.

Tricky. I don't think the stats are in your favour op if he contests it.

I would also proceed with caution. You cannot just sever someone's parental rights without that persons agreement. Not contesting it is agreeing with it in essence.

Otherwise can you imagine this could be used as a weapon. Not implying you would but it's probably why judges don't like to do it. It sets a president which then can snow balling.

Good luck op