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[Jaxtellerswife]

I have a 13 year old ss. I'm going to phrase this carefully as the details are quite specific.
He's always been allowed to do pretty much whatever he likes (not my choice). And he's always been pretty good. Now he's obviously turned teen and his behaviour, particularly at school has been a huge issue. My partner is not so great with consequences. But now it's reached the point it can't be ignored. He's also addicted to Xbox (just my opinion) and this does not help his attitude.
So we initially decided to ban it until things get better. The day we implement it, my ss got run over by a car and as a result has an ankle injury. So we said as he's laid up he can use Xbox for two hours a day.
It's not gone well.
Then the hospital called last night to say actually, on checking again, it's actually broken so needs to be casted.
This made me feel a lot of sympathy so we said last chance, you can have Xbox back and now have to improve or it will be taken for real.
I also ordered him a new game (purely because of anyone in this house gets hurt they get a treat to cheer them up)
Within 2 hours of being back on he slammed all the doors, shouted at his dad because it was bedtime. In frustration at him waking the baby etc I've cancelled the game order. Now I feel guilty.
How do others deal with teens and Xbox, punishments etc? Also should I feel guilty about the game?
He's a good kid but being such a pain since September time

Rather than take it away completely I’d limit his time on it but if he plays up he forfeits having it the next day. He’ll get the message quite soon.
I think taking something away for an unspecified time can make behaviour worse as they think they might as well do what they want as they’ll never get it back

The limited time is what we were doing. It will be limited somewhat still otherwise he would be on it literally morning until midnight
He doesn't know I even ordered him a game but I feel guilty for cancelling it.

Agree with user. I'm not judging but it does seem like you have changed the goalposts a lot, so he probably isn't sure where he stands, or will think he can get you to back down on what you say. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you communicate the new rules to SS very clearly, WITH your partner so SS knows you are united. 2 hours a day seems perfectly reasonable (although I know a LOT of kids in my school play for a LOT longer 🙄), and like user said, if he doesn't play by the rules then limit it further. If he's been behaving well, maybe he can get extra time at the weekends or something.

My cousin takes all the remotes away after her DS time is up to make sure he isn't on late at night etc - simple and effective!

Haha I would agree but the goalposts have never changed which has been w huge issue for us.
For the first time in six years he received a two hour time limit. That was this week. All hell broke loose. Then he was run over. So we said he can use it as long as there's an improvement at school.
He feels if he can't be on there all day and night like his mates are then he is being picked on by us.
Two hours a day is his first consequence ever. Since Sunday any time he is not on it he is sobbing. We would have stuck to it had he not been run over.
Talking hasn't worked so far, believe me it's been ongoing particularly since September.
It's so frustrating because I'm the one at home dealing with everything while his dad escapes to work lol.
I also have two toddlers so the constant back and forth is wearing thin

Just to add we do also take the controls at night. It's actually our Xbox and in our dining room so it's not left in his room or anything.

X-Boxes are crack for kids. Nip it in the bud now before it gets worse.

Kids need (and like boundaries) his dad needs to set them and enforce them.

I was confused by your post - you say you decided to ban it, then you relented and changed this to 2 hours a day. You buy him a game (so are endorsing the habit) then you cancel it. You took the X box way and then you gave it him back.

You are not consistent at all. Kids need clear boundaries, messenging and consistency.

In the beginning of your post you say he does what he likes and he has an attitude. At the end you say he’s a pain but he’s a good kid. What is it?

Your the parent - you decide and stick to it.

If it's only been going on this week then no wonder he is still trying to push the boundary - it will take more like 2/3 weeks of rigidly enforcing it before he realises you are serious. Consistency is the key here. Unfortunate timing (and obviously unfortunate in general!) that he was run over and at home more.

If he addicted to the game, it can cause more psychological issues to take the game away than let him play.
I would try to get him to play other game. Get interested in something else and get involved.
In this stage the kids do not listen to parents anymore, the friends are the influence.

Northern you can still be a good kid and play up. We have been consistent in that some of these decisions he hasn't even known about as we've discussed them and come to different conclusions.
Being a pain at school is a choice he's making which is why it's so frustrating when I know he's good at heart.
He's unaware we were removing the Xbox totally.
He's unaware I ordered him a game.
All he knows is his time has been restricted due to behaviour.
Unfortunately his grandad then ran him over so that messed up a lot of things and I wound up with a lot of sympathy. So we lifted the restrictions and had a long talk with him

You need to sit down with your partner and make a plan together.
You need to discuss what you expect to change and how you want to enforce it and what the consequences will be.

Once you have a plan which you both agree to you need to sit down and have a chat with your step son. Don't make it all about the bad stuff but talk about what you have decided and what the punishments are.

My step son lost his way a little bit when he became a teenager and we have had to make a plan on how to be united and as tough as it is you have to deal with a lot of huffing and stripping at first until they realise they are in control of whether they loose out or not.
Unfortunately it can be a horrible few weeks while your step son fights against you but you just have to be strong and push through.

If he has a big Xbox addiction then you might have to slowly reduce the time on it instead of cutting it back completely. He is old enough for you to sit down and explain you realise the 2 hours if tough for him so you are going to re think how to get him used to cutting back on it - if that's what you decide. You could try 3 hours as a base then if he is good he earns more time and if he is rude then it gets cut down.

My step son isn't as fussed by games so we are doing it with money. He gets £10 a week but looses money for rude behaviour, not doing homework and getting detention.

Handsfull yes I do agree. The problem we've always had is that my partner is worried if he's 'too hard' on him he will refuse to come here. He's never threatened that, it's just in his head.
My ss has never really heard many 'no's' or had consequences to anything so it's not been going down well. I understood at the age of 8 but silly me assumed if there were changes to behaviour we would deal with it. This hasn't happened until now, I don't feel I should be the one laying down the law as he does have two parents that should try.

I don't think any of your actions are wrong but it just shouldn't be you who should impose them not you who should decide if he should have another game but his dad.

What you need to consider is thst however disheartening it is kids that age do spend a lot of time on the Xbox and it's not just about the game itself but the social aspect of it too so you OH needs to consider that by stopping/restricting it it is likely to mean he is outed from the dynamics of his friends group to an extent. That might be even more so if his friends get together during the weekend he is with you if this mean he can't physically join them.

Limits are good, but in my experience, a teenage lad needs ‘help’ to put an alternative to the Xbox in place.

I’d be more inclined to give him more time on the Xbox while he’s off sick, and keep the game order, say 4 hours a day in two slots, but any bad behaviour and he loses the next slot. Immediate consequences. But even a room ball ‘hoop’ for him to chuck balls, Books (anything? Comics?) TV? Take him out once a day in car?

And when he gets better I’d be signing him up for sports clubs etc, as many as you can. They follow their peers and for restless teens with indulgent Dads it’s brilliant, they have to show up to training, they get this team comrarderie, they let loose physically, they get into healthy stuff. You have to give them something to do to replace the Xbox.