holiday

[Welshchloe]

hi all

need a bit of advice me and hubby (married 3 weeks ago) want to take the both DSD (7 and 9) for a holiday to butlins (no point asking mum if we can take them abroad) for a week in the summer holidays. because the girls are a bit jellious that we went away for our honymoon to spain for a week. and she has kicked off saying that if the kids are to go away for a holdiay she has to take them.

We just tthought it would be a good idea for them to have a nice holiday (the kids have not been away since mum and dad split 3 years ago).

any advice on how we can get her to change her mind?

Just take them in your contact time. You don't need her permission.

That’s what I told him to do but he won’t do it without her agreement

You don't need her permission.
Difficult situation, but parenting/step parenting is about what is in the children's best interest.
Does he have a court order or is custody arranged more informally?

it was just agreed between the two of them being nice at the time

He needs to make a stand and make decisions regarding his dc or he will never be 'allowed' to.

If the holiday is on your contact time you can do what you want and don’t need the mothers permission.

If you are taking them abroad you do need her permission.

Doesn’t sound like the mother is acting in the children’s best interests.

I would get a contact order - it costs £215 and your OH can represent himself. Stops the mother dictating and her control and puts a stop to silliness.

Well, if she hasn't ever been able to afford to take them on holiday herself, and now her ex is proposing to take them away with his very new wife, with whom he's already had a honeymoon abroad this year, I can understand why she might feel a bit aggrieved. Plus she'll be imagining them having fun with their "new mum" instead of her, which she might find difficult.

She doesn't have the right to stop you, but I think your H is right to be sensitive to her feelings in this situation.

You've raised the idea. She's reacted badly initially. I'd give her time to think about it and then maybe raise the idea again in a few months' time.

Is she OK financially? Could she take them on holiday herself if she wanted to?

These girls are his too, he doesn’t need to ask, when you get them for a week go on holiday with them and have a lovely time!

I am a step parent, my DH's kids went on holidays with both parents, at home and abroad. Permission was neither sought not withheld. DH and his ex would have a conversation around school holidays and when suited, etc. Kids got to be away with both parents and had a lovely time.
This is what reasonable looks like.

@heddaGarbled

I know she has had money problems recently as hubby found out when he was in the house dropping off the girls that there was almost no food in the house and he went to aldi and farmfoods and spent almost £120 on shopping for her and the kids and he increased the amount of child suport he gives her. because thats the type of person he is

That was thoughtful. Maybe a conversation around better support is needed here first?

That’s what I told him to do but he won’t do it without her agreement

tell him to grow a pair, she doesnt need to agree.

His dc will have zero respect for him in years to come when they figure out his parenting was at their dm's rules.

He’s probably frightened mum will withhold contact if he doesn’t do as she dictates.

If they are on good terms he needs to just have a chat with her.
He should tell her that he understands she wants to take them but he knows she might not be able to do that for a while but the kids would really enjoy it.

If she kicks up to much fuss you need to support him standing up for his kids and take them away.

We've taken my step son away a few times and his mother wasn't pleased the first time. But she had had many opportunities to take him and chose not to do it so it wasn't fair to stop us.
It's taken three years and even a three week holiday with her boyfriend in between for her to finally taken step son away.

Sorry, but unless she is being stupid with money then I think he needs to up what he pays her! If she’s not managing to get enough food it sounds like he is not paying enough.

@Choosegopse he pays more than the CSA calcuators says and if you re read what i put he did increase it to help her out of the credit card debt she for her self into