Should we wait a bit longer?

[thatsnotmypuppy]

Should we wait until my step children are older before we have a baby?
They are 7 & 9. Do you think it would be better to wait until they are in high school?

Anyone got experience of a bigger age gap? Is it easier, do step children cope better?

I have a step son how was 14 when we told him we were having a baby. Which then got worse when we told him it was twins.
He hated it and made passive aggressive comments the whole pregnancy. I love him to bits but it was really difficult and even after the birth it wasn't much better. Now the babies are moving and playing he loves them and interacts amazingly.

We made it very clear he was always enough but I have always wanted to have kids so it was important to me. And my partner is an only child so he wanted more children.

I would test the waters and see how the react to the idea of having a sibling and go from there.

Did it ruin your pregnancy?

I think they will be fine with it. Their mum has had another baby. But I was just wondering if it would be easier when they are older. Not sure now!

It didn't ruin overall but when I was in a bad mood it made it worse.
We have SS every other week for the whole week so I had my partner chat him about saying things in front of me. His mum has no intention of having more kids and he favours his dad so we knew he would t be very excited.

Honestly I reckon doing it while they are young will be a little easier as they get excited about fun things and embrace change easier.
Teenagers understand money and how expensive a baby is. They then work out there will be less money to spend on them and sulk about it. Also teenagers can be more vocal about their distaste in ruder ways.

But all kids are different and will react in different ways. If they already have another sibling and have taken it well then it's more about when is right for you.

SD 14 when baby was born..Great and excited during pregnancy. Massive issues for first 2 years, jealous, testing, rude and ignored the baby. When DS got bigger and she older it changed and is good now.

In retrospect I would try to avoid teenager and baby scenario unless the teenager is older- 16+. So in your scenario wouldn't wait.

I had dd when my ds was 12 and dss were 16 and 20.

They were all obsessed with her!😍

She’s nearly 12 now.i do think it would have been easier if they were a bit closer in age tbh

Smaller age gaps are better even with full siblings IMO.

DC’s dad had a baby when they were thirteen. DC not remotely interested in baby. Three years on the relationship with their dad has broken down but equally that means that they don’t see their half sibling and don’t actually consider them to be a sibling at all.

Aw Ruby that's such a shame. I hope things don't go that way for us. I would like them all to be close. But with them living at their Mum & step dads I accept that they will probably be closer to their baby as they live with them. Even though ours would be the same (a half sibling).
I thought that with them being older they might be more understanding and able to accept things better? But we want to cause as little disruption for them as possible. I just assumed that teenagers might be out with their friends more and need their dad less so would be less likely to be jealous. It's so difficult I don't know.

The younger the easier it is I feel in many ways, to bond and adapt. Teenage years are hellish with step kids!

Don’t have high expectations though, bonding may not happen.

What’s possibly more important is how long you’ve been together, how long you’ve lived together, how compatible as parents, and resentment or problems now or with EW? As these may become more acute.

Imo - it makes no difference if they are 7 and 9 or 13 and 11.
The older they are, the more they are conscious that babies are a result of sex so I'd personally say that 7 and 9 is better.

DSDs were 17 and 10 when DD was born and they adore her. Didn't care much about the pregnancy which is to be expected but loved her as soon as they met her. They are egging us on to have more kids now!

we are really lucky they are like they are and the family dynamic is quite good.

Posted too quick. I would do what works for you, so many issues can arise with TTC that if things are good between you all now, I'd just try now. I've seen people wait too long and weren't able to conceive sadly.

I think you are all better off trying now to keep them closer in age.

Kids are much more capable of dealing with and respecting change when they are younger, and it would be better for them to not have to negotiate emotions like this (untested) is they also have added pressure at school (exams etc).

Plus, they live with their mom who already has another kid. So they know how to adapt.

Do it now, before they move up in school.

I had my DD when DSD was 10; she loves the baby and is very keen to help. I think with stepchildren it doesn’t make too much difference whether they’re 7&9 or 12&14, the ages I’d be worried about would be be younger as you wouldn’t want younger children feeling their position in the family was being taken and it would be quite hard work.
Also as someone has said as they get older they’ll be more aware that babies are consequence of sex but will get over that.