DP and My Son, My Daughter - issues - facing break up!

[dontwanttobeheremaryjane]

So I will try to keep this short but you may want a cuppa and biscuit before you start reading...

So been with DP for over a year, we live together with my DP (12) and DD (7) and his DD(6) eow. My kids regularly see their dad and all is OK with arrangements etc.

Problem is that me and DP don't tend to agree over parenting issues. If I leave DP and my kids for any length of time World War 785696 breaks out!

I know my kids have flaws, they argue back, they fight with each other, they spend too much time online, the don't do as much around the house as maybe they should but I seem to be able to handle them better when they do act up. I've given DP lots of tips and help and as bad behaviour is a daily thing he's seen how I deal or don't deal and yet when I'm not there he does things very differently which always results in my getting my DS on the phone crying and DP crying when I get home and me stuck in middle trying to sort it all out.

I've questioned leaving DP over it but issue we have is I am 26 weeks PG with our child. What a mess I know...

I know no family life is perfect, it's not all like the movies but this constant fighting that goes on with them 3 when I'm not there is making it so I don't want to leave them alone and that shouldn't be case either.

I've tried advising DP how and what I want doing if they act up....but he tends to go off on his own tact, which then also causes us to argue as I don't like some of the name calling and swearing he does and I am also super aware that soon my DS and DD will report back to their dad who will use it as excuse against me to have ago and I don't need that stress either.

Not really sure what anyone can do or suggest....
I know I need to be heavier with kids, make them do more, be more respectful but I also want to be able to leave them all for an extra hour without this level of stress and falling out and upset when I get home.
DP isnt very good at taking any form of advice or positive criticism and then we fall out. I'm not saying "my way is best" but I also won't have my children dealt with in certain ways.

Sorry just needed a rant and hopefully feel better later.....xx

can you spend some time alone with the kids. so they get some of your time, which probably they are missing, so they act up. kids can feel abandoned and then spend 30 years go to therapy. the hoffman technique focuses on many things around this theme. I remember my mum taking me out for a pudding, just me and her. i really loved that experience, it was all i wanted really. maybe if the setting was billed in a more exciting way rather than being left with 'him', turn 'him' into someone they want to spend time with, i know easier said than done, but rather than stay at home, could he take them to do something the kiss love in that time? maybe the park since it's so nice to throw a new frisbee for an hour, or a nice walk, often movement is important for wellbeing, lifting moods. being cooped up in a house does cause arguments, nature is calming....

kids not kiss ;) typo

and you don't have to stay with this guy either, it does sound tricky. if you weren't 26 weeks pregnant i'd say dump him. some parenting classes 'for both of you' you could enroll to give him a better toolkit to responding to kids. as all parents say, they aren't given a handbook.

Poor kids! Had this boyfriend foisted on them and now another kid on the way.

Your pregnancy is not a reason to stay. Quite the reverse. He is abusing your DC, and you by default. This will only ramp up when the baby arrives. For your sake, and for all your DC, including the baby get rid.

So you met, moved in together and got pregnant within a year? I’m surprised that all the kids aren’t playing up

This^. OP your dc have been through a lot in a very short space of time and you are now minimising the poor behaviour of your DP. I think you need to step back and prioritise their emotional well being, put some boundaries for their behaviour and help them to feel a bit more secure before the baby arrives.