Car troubles.

[ClaryFray]

DS has car troubles currently, go back with the DSD last night and it just won't start. He's been out with his brother for about 3 hours trying to fix it. It's not running.

The problem is Ex wife lives an hour and a half away by car. 2 hours by train. We can't afford to train them back and oz the car which we need. Bank holiday means we will be without it until tuesday at earliest but DBil and DP works in the same town as ex wife lives.

AIBU to say to ex wife that DSC will be returned Tuesday morning in time for school as DP and DBil are heading that way anyway for work and can drop them of at Childminder before school.

Obviously I wouldn't be involved but I she's being difficult currently and I'm wondering if we are being unreasonable in asking, before I do.

Not unreasonable at all. This is a genuine situation.

Either drop them off as suggested or she collects them if she wants them earlier (does she do any of the drop offs or pick ups)?

Really depends on whether she had anything planned Bank Holiday doesn't it?

Genuine problem - but she could find herself with a wasted day that she had planned or alternatively a bill for petrol she did not expect and a 3 hr round trip ?

Either way, the only person screwed around is her - could probably understand why she is not happy.

Absolutely irrelevant whether she does the drop offs and pick ups ?

Indeed, it all comes down if she's made plans or not. She might be delighted to have one more day for herself, or she might be very annoyed that she can't take the kids to an event she was looking forward to.

Your OH should call her, explain what happened and ask her what she thinks is the best way forward rather than telling her what he wants to do.

Sounds an awful lot more sensible to drop them back on a Tuesday morning, rather than a 3 hour round trip at the end of a weekend, if he's driving into the town where they live in time for school anyway. I'd suggest he does it every week! But if you've made an arrangement that's now hard to keep, I'd second the advice to ask the ex what she would prefer - and give her the option of collecting earlier if she wants.

Not irrelevant at all whether she usually does any of the drop offs or pick ups - if the DH normally does all the driving it's fair enough to ask her to help out on the odd occasion. More so than if she's already done a 3 hour trip to drop them off at the start of the weekend.

Sounds fine, If she needs the kids back that desperate then she can come and get them. You can’t help having car trouble. It’s just one of those things

She does none of the drop off or pick ups, yes they'll be back before school.

So has he spoken to her yet? Did he suggest that if she wants to come and pick them up instead, he would pay the petrol, or at least half?

It’s not irrelevant if the mother does any of the pick ups and drop offs. If she does than she may be inclined to pick the kids up in these special circumstances. If she doesn’t bother doing any then she won’t and she’ll likely demand you drop them off.

It may not be a case of she can not be bothered - such a derogatory comment just slipped in - who knows what their arrangements are, she may not drive,have other plans etc

If she doesn’t drive or has other plans then she will have to wait til the car is fixed then.

just typical for this forum - the problem is not the EXW, the inconvenience is not her fault but the responsibility and resentment is being directed at woman - who would have planned her BH - like most other people with DCS, expected her DCS back at a certain time and is now told she must either do a 3 hr round trip, or suck it up.

What ever way oyu look at it, her plans are messed up through no fault of the OPs but she is not allowed to be pissed off.

If someone had written the converse with the EXW expecting DF to do a 3 hr round trip to pick up the DCS for his contact weekend and her car had broken down and she usually did drop off - we know where the vitriol would be going - she has to pay his petrol, hire a car etc.

So many double standards!

Why are you so angry @takeittakeit? Are you actually a step parent yourself?

If you are then you would know that in the whole it’s the dads who do all the drop offs and pick ups.

No one said it was the EW’s problem. You’ve concluded that and then ranted and projected. No one has said the the mother HAS TO pick the kids up. I suggested that if the mother can’t wait until Tue than maybe she can pick them up.

I think YABU. The DC are supposed to go back to their DM. She is expecting them, and they are expecting to go. I would not be happy that my ex would just plan to have them an extra day because of car problems. How much would the train be? Have you considered their DM could contribute? I'm sure by now you've sorted something. Hopefully their DM has been able to organise to come and get them or you've found a way to return them.

I agree with takeittakeit, it's threads like this one that encourages people to feel little sympathy with SMs. It's also attitude as read here that leads to EW being 'difficult'.

If she doesn’t drive or has other plans then she will have to wait til the car is fixed then
Yes, indeed, she might have a choice but she might end up very angry if indeed, she'd planned to do something special tomorrow. Anger will breed resentment, and resentment will breed revenge. .What will happen is that the following week-end, she'll take the children away, OP's OH will have driven all the way to an empty house, and OP will come and post her to say that the EW is wicked and selfish for no reason at all.

Why is it so hard to deal with such situation with a bit of give and take? Call as soon as possible, explain the situation, ask if there is anything that can be done, agree to pay if Ex has to come, rather than constantly playing the 'it's not my fault so it's your problem' card.

Northern -not angry just disappointed at the double standards on this forum.

And in answer to your question, I am and my DCS have one aswell - not that it is in anyway irrelevant.

Most people on here think she either has to lump it and see them on Tuesday or pick them up herself. No puttingout of the OPs,DP - he is going to work on Tuesday!!

Okay so an update, DP asked if the children could be dropped back Monday lunchtime. As a mechanic friend can do the work Monday morning and has the part needed for the car.

Nope not god enough, apparently she had plans to visit her Mum in town next door, 20 minute drive. DP offered to drop them there or keep them for the whole afternoon if that was easier. Nope.

So DP borrowed a car off his mum, who is now without a car for her afternoons plans, and took the children back for 6pm as agreed. But now she's called to say she's stuck at work and he can have them til the morning. 😡

Unreasonable in her part. It’s a control thing.

@ClaryFray - she’s being a dick. I would if refused to drop them back and told her to come and get them if she needed them that bad.

Or I’d drop the kids off to her work since she was a twat and kicked up a fuss in the first place.

It's always been a control thing. She wants it all her way until she doesn't then it's back to her way. It's hard.z children are on their way back and will be returned Tuesday morning. Because we're not driving back and forth wasting money on her say so.