Do I tell DSD's mum?

[PenguinDi]

DSD is 11 and starting to mature. Today she was asking quite a few questions about periods, pads and telling mum when she's started. Luckily she's got YouTube with some very helpful videos she showed me earlier but she dies sound very unsure about it all. Do I tell her mum that dsd has these worries? I have told dsd that if she has any questions or problems then she can talk to me if she wants to.

Yes I would, so her Mum could have a chat to her about it.

I would, just mention it in a matter of fact way so she knows.

It depends on what sort of relationship you and your OH have with the mum. If it’s open and communicate- yes, if it’s strained I wouldn’t bother - she’ll see you as interfering.

Why not tell her dad?

She could take it badly as being told what to do because she doesn't know that she needs to talk to her dd about such matters. Maybe she does already but liked to ask someone else too. Or maybe she finds it easier to talk to you about these issues.

Just keep answering her questions and leave it to that.

I wouldn't.

• DSD might stop trusting you and may not come to you again
• you should tell Dad if you're going to tell anyone then he can decide
• these things (periods) tend to sort themselves out anyway
• bio mum might be upset her Dd came to you not her
• best thing to do is to tell SD 'talk to your mum, she's been there before, trust me it's not a big deal... would you like me to talk to her?'

She’s asking you precisely because you aren’t a parent. She probably sees you as more of a trusted friend. I personally would give her the facts, assure her there would be pads at your house whenever she needed them, and not tell her mum. Don’t abuse the trust she’s placed in you -what goes on in your house is your business.

If you get on well enough I’d mention it; if she’d cause an issue then don’t bother. Potentially her mum might be a bit hurt that her DD didn’t ask her first

Thanks for the replies.

DH knows about it but I'm not going to say anything to dsd mum as it could break the trust dsd has in me.

I wouldn't say anything. If she's comfortable talking to her mum about these things, she'll do so anyway, just like she has with you. She may well like to get different takes on things and ask you both the same questions. And if she's not comfortable talking to her mum about it, then best her mum doesn't try to force a difficult conversation with her. Just answer her questions honestly like you would about any other topic.

And yes, there's a possibility her mum could feel your were treading on her toes.