Letting step daughter get the bus home occasionally

[timelord92]

Just for some background I'm currently on maternity leave and due to go back late summer. My boyfriend works full time and has Sunday and Monday off work.

We never really do anything on Saturday as he works till 2 so everything we do we do in Sunday's or Mondays but we always come home on time to pick my step daughter up from school at 3pm every monday. My step daughter comes to us every weekend from Sat at 2pm till Sunday 6pm and then she stays the Monday night too every week.

Anyway, we've talked about going out on Mondays but I've mentioned about rushing home to pick my step daughter up but his reply is always we'll just cram everything into the Saturday and sunday.

My question is tho am I wrong for wanting to go out occasionally if the weather's nice? The rest of the week my step daughter gets the bus home which is a few stops after our one. She is 15 in a few months so by no means a baby.

I even suggested I go with the baby alone even if it's just to the beach but he didn't like the idea of me going on my own either.

Just for information tho I include my step daughter in everything we do, if we go away shecomes, if I arrange a meal out I do it on a day she will be with us. As you can tell I'm the organizer in the family.

Responses are welcomed. :)

How far is the bus? I would have thought that 14 is absolutely fine to get the bus.

Why is it his decision if you want to go out? Surely you go out on your own if he’s at work?

Hi mini, the bus is about a 5-8 minute walk away not long at all. She gets off the same stop and walks to her nans which is further down the road every Thursday from school.

He's off on Mondays not in work so I'll be going out and leaving him at home so he can pick up my step daughter at 3. I want to make the most of maternity as soon I will be working again on mondays. So to me it's a little bit unfair as I'd prefer him to be out with us while he can.

I wouldn't mind but at the weekend I was at the park with the baby while my boyfriend was at work and his son was dropping his daughter off instead of him going for her (she stays at her brothers every Friday night). The usual time is 2pm so I raced out the park at 2 even tho it was glorious weather so he could see his little sister as that is why he was coming. He didn't come till half 4. My boyfriend wouldn't ask him when he was coming as their relationship is a bit strained.

She’s 15, already does the journey, she’s old enough to get the bus.

Don’t run around after him. If he doesn’t want his daughter to get the bus and he wants to mollycoddle her then let him pick her up.

And he doesn’t like you going out in your own? He sounds a control freak. Do as you want.

I got the bus about 5 to 8 mins away all by myself at 11 as soon as I started high school, the daughter should be getting the bus on her own now as she will need to get the bus when she goes to college/work. I'd say ignore the husband and do whatever you want to do!

No don't rush home to pick her up. She's 15 not 5. If you're not doing anything and want to pick her up then do so by all means, but if you're going out somewhere nice on your maternity leave (which doesn't last forever), then make sure she has a key and bus fare and you'll see her when you get home. Job done.

This isn't a bus issue. Clearly she'd be fine to get it if her dad was happy for that to happen.

The issue is that he wants to collect her from school on a Monday, not for practical reasons but probably to spend the time with her. I pick my teens up from school any week day I'm not working, because they appreciate it and are more talkative than when they trudge in after the bus, and it helps me to feel connected to their school and what is going on.

You should feel free though to go out without him and it's unfair if he's pressuring you to cut your plans short for the sake of his school run.

I said I’d take her on my own and he can stay that way both of us aren’t missing out. His reply was ‘oh that’s nice isn’t it’.

Also,I’ve suggested that if we don’t make it on a Sunday for whatever reason to swimming then there’s always Sunday. His reply was ‘yeah we can go after she finishes school’. We always go early usually as there’s too many people there splashing after a certain time.

he didn't like the idea of me going on my own either.

This is where is draw the line. You can go out with the baby if you want. His attitude there just seems controlling.

My DD gets the bus and comes home on her own....has done since she started high school. I tried to be home as early as possible...but from 12 she was fine.

Thanks for the replies everyone. So you mean it’s perfectly acceptable for us to go out for the day and my step daughter can come in from school after getting the bus. And we can meet her when we finish.

Yep. I’d be expecting any child in secondary school (from 11/12) to be able to make their own way home and let themselves in.

I thought you were going to say she was 7 not 14! Of course she can get the bus. I wouldn't be away for hours and hours after she got home as I guess this is her dad's contact time but surely she could be getting on with homework etc until you got home around tea time?

Thanks for the replies everyone. So you mean it’s perfectly acceptable for us to go out for the day and my step daughter can come in from school after getting the bus. And we can meet her when we finish*

I think it’s fine she gets the bus home BUT I do think your dp should be going home for when she’s in as it’s meant to be his contact time, He doesn’t work that day and only has her 2 days a week. I think it’s cheeky for her to come to yours and just wait around until you have decided to stop having fun to go and see her.

I personally can’t see what’s wrong with doing something in the morning of Monday til 2.30 and plan all day activity for Saturday if needed.

So sorry I think yabu, it’s his contact time with his daughter and I think he should be home when she gets in from school or at least very very soon after.

I even suggested I go with the baby alone even if it's just to the beach but he didn't like the idea of me going on my own either.

Is he your dad? It’s not really up to him whether you go out on your own or not. If you want to go, you go.

Of course a 14 year old can catch a bus home.

But I think maybe if she never has done to yours, your DP may be feeling that now is not the time to start asking her to, as she's just getting used to a new sibling, and he's hypersensitive about not making her feel pushed out. Would you maybe do better asking for a specific occasion when it would be difficult to get back, rather than generally suggesting a change of routine?

Does she ever go out with friends, giving you a longer day? Or could she catch the bus to make her own way to wherever you are to join you?

I really don't see why you can't go out on your own with the baby - though couldn't you do that a different day of the week, if you're still on mat leave?