Ditching car seat

[SciFiG33k]

WWYD?
DSDs mum has decided DSD doesnt need a car booster seat in her car now although legally she is supposed to have one for another two months. DSD is tall for her age but no where near the recommended height for not having a booster seat. And she will continue to have one in my car till she is that height. DH doesn't seem to care less, apparently it's DSDs mum problem if DSD dies in an accident.
Am I supposed to just not care too? How am I supposed to let her mum pick her up from our place knowing she is getting into a car without a seat for her? Or is this a what mum does on her time has nothing to do with us even if it's illegal and indangering DSD.

It’s really none of your business.

All you can do is continue to use it in yours. Her mum doesn’t care. Her dad doesn’t care. You’re not allowed to care.

If she was ditching the car seat and your DSD was only 3 I’d be concerned but as she’s only 2 months off the age to not have one and is tall I can’t actually see that it’s a massive issue.

Did your husband actually say it's her Mum's problem if his child dies in an accident?

DH doesn't seem to care less, apparently it's DSDs mum problem if DSD dies in an accident

Did he say this? Because if so, that’s awful.

What age/height is she? It's 135cm or age 12 whichever comes first. Ds was over that height around the age of 8/9.

I reported my exh loads of times for no booster seat for ds 3, police weren't interested as he said he was just popping to the shops and short journey are excused from the rules apparently!! Even though he had done a motorway trip!!

It's not possible to be task for her age, only two months off the age not to need a booster, and under the height limit. 135 is the height of an average 9-10 year old.

She's really not going to be much taller in two months time, and when my kids were that age - only a few years back - they were allowed to travel without a booster seat from age 3! So not one to pick a fight over.

tall not task

The law is 12 years old or 135cm. If she is 2 month below the recommended age she is 11 and 10 months. A tall, or even average sized 11 year old would not be miles away from the height limit. Are you sure you haven't got this wrong?

The law where I lived is 7. No height is given just a recommendation to wait to remove the booster seat till they are 135cm

Where do you live? Is she only 6?

So until 7 is a definite, afther that, it's up to the parents whether to wait until their reach 135cm? Odd she would decide to stop it 2 months shy of 7, but in the scheme of things, it won't make a huge difference. If she had been born premature, she could be 7 already (assuming she's not premature).

Nothing to do you you. Just like what you do on your time has nothing to do with the mum. You are splitting hairs, I woukd pick your battles.

Here in the UK my DSD’s mum ditched the booster seat for my DSD when she was 10. We can’t control what the mum does, nor would we dictate. My OH continued to use the booster seat when she was with us (much to the daughters dislike) until she was tall enough.

I personally wouldn’t stress about 2 months and at the risk of sounding unkind you have to let her drive away with her without a car seat as she’s her mum and you aren’t.
I think you might be overthinking it a bit

It is the driver's responsibility, not the parent's. When she's in your car you're allowed to insist she sits on a booster. What she does in her mum's car is up to her mum.

That said I've just seen you're not in the UK as there's an age rather than height limit so driver/parent rule may be different? Either way I would have thought it would be possible to keep using a booster and simply say that as the driver you don't feel safe enough to drive her without it, it certainly won't hurt her to use one and they cost about £5, even where I live they are only €15.

Oh - duh - sorry - I did not read clearly and I see you're worried about her when she's in her mum's car.

Hmm, yeah, I would say unfortunately it's not at all your call and you just have to go with what her mum decides. If it helps there was a study a few years ago by Freakonomics which showed that car seats of any kind have a negligible benefit for children over the age of 2. So while I would definitely prefer to use one (and usually until over 135cm, because I think most children are still too short to sit comfortably on the adult seat without one in most cars until later) it is not something I would get into an argument with another parent over.

Thank you everyone. That makes me feel a bit better about the whole thing. It just worries me that something might happen to her and id forever feel guilty for not preventing it some how.

I'd never have an argument with her mum about it. I'd be more likely to suggest we just do all drop off and pick ups. Or if she was picking up I'd leave our car seat at the door with DSDs bag.

Stepparenting is just hard some times. Guess I will have to get used to her parents making decisions like these and me having to just smile and go along with it. Just hope there aren't more illegal decisions made. At least I feel a bit reassured that it isn't as dangerous as I feared.

If DH actually said that I would be more worried about the man you are married to than the car seat.