Comparisons to previous relationship and child!

[Tango500]

I have been with my partner for a few years now. I'm in my thirties and we regularly have his 5yo DD at weekends. I'm desperate to have my own child with him but I find him constantly comparing to the previous relationship which broke down ( notnin a bad way but worried that history will repeat itself) For example he works late in the summer months and says that I shouldn't expect him to be home by 6pm in the evenings to help with a baby (it's usually more like 8/9ish) I've said I can't see why there would be any issue with this since he needs to go out and earn! But that's how it was previously apparently. Can any parents tell me why I'd need him to be home early on the summer months?! I'm sure I can cope till 8pm! Anyone with experience of this or advice? I can understand he's worried but he cant keep comparing out relationships!

I don’t know what it’s like having one baby because I had twins, but I can tell you that if I had to take care of them all day every day by myself, do dinner, bath and bed by myself with no help ever, I’d be absolutely exhausted and stressed. A lot of it would depend on how helpful he was when he gets home - would he actually get stuck in or would he be too tired? Would he help out through the night? How many days a week would he be working, would he go out frequently, would he give you a break on his days off etc? These are all factors. Single parents are incredible and have my utter respect, but not being a single parent but feeling like you are one because you’re doing all the work would lead to a lot of stress and resentment.

Working til 8pm in itself isn’t a massive issue, it’s all the other factors.

That's good then Tango, sorry to go on about it but great/fantastic dad is bandied around so easily and undeservedly which really irks me!

PPs make good points about you needing to be able to count on him if you need to when he gets home at 8pm . You're judging that you'll be able to cope much in the same way as we all go into step parenting knowing what we are getting into but at least if he's actively parenting now you might have a better chance at talking through any problems you might encounter.

I suppose I'm basing the term 'fantastic' on the fact that some of my friends are single mums who's father of their child won't have anything to do with them

The bar is low then. Comparing him to an absent father...is akin to "in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king"

I suspect if his Ex gave her side it would be rather different.

Hmm no that's far to literal I'm afraid but yes it's possible to have a different story