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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

My partner and my son

21 replies

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 00:29

This evening my 6yr old son had finished eating his dinner and had a bit of left over on his plate I said to my son give this bit to the dog(son pulls a face) as he's shattered from swimming lessons and enjoying the weather this afternoon and wanted to play on his game before bed, he asked if I could give it to the dog I said come on you do it so he did.... then he asked for his gaming console to play with and my partner is in the kitchen and pipes up I DON'T THINK SO YOU COULDN'T GIVE THE DOG THIS BIT OF FOOD AND YOU WANT TO PLAY...NO he said. partner then looks at me and said it's a fing joke... my son was in the living room as he said that. I went into my son and said to him go upstairs in your room and I'll come to you in a bit, i put the game console in my hand bag, my son goes upstairs and my partner walks into our outhouse past me in the hall and mutters he's a little fing t**t. I've then muttered something else but I went to see my little man. I'm so angry with him for what he's said I don't know what to do.....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SneakyGremlins · 15/04/2018 00:30

Who the fuck speaks about a six year old like that? Is he usually like this?

Original poster

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 01:14

No he's not at all but these past few weeks he's been ok one minute then off the next I don't understand at all.... we've been together for 5yrs and been living together for the last yr. Can't get my head round it he went up to my son and said you know what you..... n then didn't say anything walked off that's when he said all that....

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swingofthings · 15/04/2018 07:21

Clearly he grew frustrated with the dynamics of the situation. It doesn't make much sense that it was the fact your son didn't want to give a piece of food to the dog that triggered it, maybe it was the way he reacted, did he scream or shout of something?

Either way, getting so angry over such an incident is really not good all around. His stress levels is going to affect your OH, the hatred is going to make your DS feel horrible and you're going to end up lost as what to do for the best.

You need to discuss asap with your OH what triggered such an emotional response and work out together whether there are indeed cause for him to be frustrated and if so whether you are prepared to make changes, or if you think that he is being totally unreasonable and the issue is with him and him only, then you might need to reconsider your relationship.

user1493413286 · 15/04/2018 07:48

So he did what you asked after a bit of hesitation/protest and your partner gets angry?
Also if I’ve read correctly you said your son could play with the games console and then your partner said no so you took it away? Was that to appease your partner or did you agree your son had done something wrong?
Unless I’ve misunderstood this seems drastically unfair and quite horrible for your son. It’s completely normal for children to need to be told a couple of times to do something; in my opinion that doesn’t even count as bad behaviour so if your son actually misbehaves what is your partners reaction?
I’d be having very strong words with him about swearing and calling your son names as well as shouting in that way. I think you also need to work out who is managing discipline and how you can communicate if you disagree with each other as you’re going to end up with a very confused and resentful child if you’re being undermined.
In all honesty I’d be giving him one last chance (I’m in two minds if he even deserves that) as I wouldn’t have my child spoken to like that. I’d also be saying the same thing if it was your sons dad.

Original poster

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 08:46

My son didn't whine or shout about not doing it he just pulled a face like do I have too... I seriously needed to calm down last night over it I couldn't speak to him then so this morning I will be having words as it's unacceptable what he said.....
I didn't take it away I had just popped it in my bag just so it wasn't left on the table for the dog to get.... I'm the one that disciplines my kids and I can honestly say hand on heart my son hardly misbehaves to any extent that I have to shout or tell him off or take drastic action like taking things away from him or sending him to his room, he's a very helpful child always wanting to help around the house even letting the dog out/in and feeding him..... only reason I wanted him to go upstairs was I don't believe that children should be subjected to parents arguing ect..... My son knows that he had done nothing wrong I made sure of that.... and he knows that. Like I say I will be speaking to him about it today because it's obvious that something is wrong not the fact my son wouldn't converge dog a little but of left overs..... Thank you for your comments and I'm sorry if you cot a little confused with what I wrote I was rather angry and upset when I wrote it

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Original poster

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 08:48

give the dog a little bit of left overs silly phone

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GrooovyLass · 15/04/2018 08:50

So DS didn't get his promised treat although he'd done nothing wrong? I don't understand why you didn't tell your partner no, he did as he asked so he's playing his game. I also don't understand why you're still a couple if he talks about your child like that.

Original poster

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 09:06

He did get it to play on! That's the first time he's ever spoken that way to my child.

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smithssquarecrisps · 15/04/2018 10:43

So what are you going to do about this?

Original poster

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 10:52

I was in a bad relationship with their dad and he went! So believe me it's being delt with!!

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swingofthings · 15/04/2018 12:51

Your OH didn't react so angrily for no reasons, so maybe start by listening to them and then decide whether it can excuse his behaviour to some extent and you can decide to give a second chance or whether he is being totally unreasonable/unable to control his anger, in which case, I would wonder when it is going happen again.

BringMeCoffeePlease · 15/04/2018 12:54

You need to decide whether you’re prepared to give your DP a second chance. If this happens again, that would be the end of the relationship for me.

Pleasebeafleabite · 15/04/2018 15:38

I think you need to speak to DP but TBH I wouldn’t like this at all

Original poster

Gunner1982 · 15/04/2018 22:35

Omg! So everything comes at once doesn't it.... terrible news that my nanna has passed away today I'm so heartbroken she was the closest to a mom I have as my mom passed away when I was 9.
haven't been able to sort any of that rubbish out with that twat!!! He was most definitely being unreasonable over it he had nothing to get angry about! My son wasn't doing anything wrong.... Like most kids sometimes you have to ask more than once for them to do something. This is definitely not over and he's going to regret that he said that....

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Bananasinpyjamas11 · 16/04/2018 01:18

Oh no that’s not how you want your son to feel like in his own house do you? This is really bad, you know that don’t you?

Your son needs to know you are on his side. He did nothing wrong. He needs a safe house, like now, without anyone like this in it. I don’t care if it’s a one off. Your son needs security and safety.

MistressDeeCee · 16/04/2018 01:25

I wouldn't have him around my child. He's grown, your son is a child. Wonder if he'd swear at an adult he's annoyed with like that. I bet he wouldn't. It's obvious he doesn't agree with your parenting style but doesn't see his potty mouth style is rubbish. To swear at a child is quite vehement. Children don't feel safe around people like this.

Melrose78 · 16/04/2018 02:05

I have to say it sounds like he was in the wrong BUT the way everyone is carrying on. He made a mistake. Yes he was totally in the wrong. But I gotta say everyone here is acting like they have never over reacted in any situation. First time he has and you guys want to hang him out to dry?!
Talk to him. Calmly. Find out what's going on. Open up a dialogue.
And I'm sorry about your nanna. My Mum hasn't been able to be a mother figure to me for over 20 years so I can only imagine how you're feeling not having her around ir your nanna x

MistressDeeCee · 16/04/2018 02:11

If "carrying on" means not having a man swear at or about my child in his hearing then so be it. We all get angry but we don't all lack control. What you'd accept for yourself why should a child have to? It's about more than the swearing - it's the attitude too, shows lack of character. Who swears at kids in this way?

But if you think it's cool Melrose if the child mentions this to any other family members/friends etc then it'll be deemed ok..won't it?

Melrose78 · 16/04/2018 02:33

I wouldn't accept anyone swearing at me or any child but I also would also question why the reaction. If they did it again I would definitely not put up with it.
She has stated she will talk to him and won't put up with it. No lychmob needed! It adds to what is already a stressful situation.

Original poster

Gunner1982 · 16/04/2018 06:43

Thanks for all your comments. This is the first time he has ever been like this and totally out of the blue!! Yes it's unacceptable what he said I don't disagree that he needs putting straight and will be. my son was upstairs when he said those awful words and did not hear any of it. Melrose78 thank you for not jumping on the wagon and wanting me to hang him out to dry! After what happened yesterday I'm just not able to cope with the stress of it at the is point in time..... I suffer from complex PTSD anxiety and depression so I need time

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Wdigin2this · 17/04/2018 17:41

Bloody hell, for the first time he has a go at your child, he didn't do it by halves did he?!
Of course shouting at and swearing at a 6 year old is unacceptable, so what do you think caused it? You're going to have to have this out with him, because it cannot become the norm in your household!

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