Is it normal for kids to be disruptive at the dinner table?

[pondduck]

Is it normal for a 6 & 9 year old to be unable to eat a meal at the dinner table without being disruptive? I am shocked and appalled at the behaviour and would never have been allowed to get away with this behaviour as a child. Is this normal for their age? I don't have any experience of this age children apart from my step children. Dh thinks it is not great but not terrible either. Why is it so hard for them to just sit down and actually eat their food!

Children develop their ability to sit still at different ages. Sounds like they are just fidgety and have a low tolerance for boredom. Their dad should be dealing with the rude behaviour more effectively though.
Have you tried chatting to them about stuff they are interested in? Or playing calm word association type games?

Cookie that is awful. Truly awful. Abusive and lining them up for an eating disorder amongst other things.

I think swing has it. Are you engaging them I conversation or are they expected to listen to your conversation and finding it boring. Are you involving them in making the food or laying the table etc. Do they actively enjoy time with you all. Half the list of things sound in the OP sound like they just want to escape the table And are finding it really hard. I actually think cracking down on it and becoming stricter will just make it worse.

Gentle reminders about whatever couple of key things you want to work on, alongside you both making mealtimes more pleasurable (each kid chooses a favourite meal to cook when at yours. They make the puddings maybe. You need to convey how much you want to be with them and interested in them at the table- engage in concersation etc otherwise they just know they're resented and want to get down.

"That's so sad though." Is it? Why? I suspect a teeny tiny bit or moralising from OP.

"I remember enjoying family meal times as a child." Maybe you as an older child? Or maybe not in a step parent situation? Sounds to me like the dc feel unsettled and their df is unable to settle them at dinner time. Maybe they miss their mother? Feel nervous around you or your home?

OP the best i can suggest is stop judging and start connecting to them.

Ah lost of cross posts but like Herms ideas too - we serve at the table too which works better for us.

Sounds soul destroying

Ime children have to work it for themselves the benefits of good behaviour. So here's what I'd do (and did do).

Hey them involved in laying the table. Cut their food up for them so it's easy to eat and just give them a fork. When they start playing up suggest to them they've finished eating then? Let them get down if they say that have. Dinner for them ends. There's no coming back for dessert (if you do it ) and nothing other than a piece of fruit until the next meal.
Eventually they should figure out the benefits of sitting still without getting into the negative spiral of their behaviour getting them attention.

I guess you can't look at the behaviour in isolation. Do they behave like this at other times?
Is it possible they have a diagnosis of ADHD and find it hard to sit still and concentrate on the meal?
Also it is possible that they don't sit at the table at their mums so this may be new to them.
If you have ruled out the possibility of ADHD or similar I would try setting them up to succeed whilst you are teaching them table manners.
-cook food they enjoy that they can eat quickly. As they learn that sitting at the table eating together can be enjoyable they will sit for longer and you can try new or unfamiliar foods then.
-talk to them about things that may interest them and ask them about what has been happening in their life. Children usually like talking about what is happening at school/sports etc. and meal time can be a good time to get information about things that may be wrong etc.
-As their behaviour improves praise them mentioning the positive behaviour ' Jack you say at the table really well today'
I know it sounds cheesy but you may see positive changes

Sounds fairly typical to me. Ours were sole destroying enough to abandon the table entirely.

Kids ate at a little craft table in front of tv. We ate on the lounge or at the table ourselves if we had guests. Sanity was saved. When they outgrew the little table they ate on the lounge also.

We only took them places like McDonalds for years for fear of the whole table drama.

Anywhoo turns out no long term damage was done. As older teens they are more than capable of behaving at a table in any environment and displaying acceptable table manners. We all still eat on the lounge at home though if there are no guests, so many years of habit that has become ingrained.

*soul

I had a very lively boy, and a boy with special needs. However I would not have stood for banging and rocking chairs etc. I do keep meal times very short though, and allow one to leave the table if he needs to, but he doesn’t get dessert then.

Keep it short but sweet! Better 10 minutes of good manners than 30 minutes of bad.

No that's not acceptable.

I can't imagine this behaviour is confined tho the meal table though. Do they respond to their dad's boundaries and rules at other times?

I have an 10 year old and an 8 year old with special needs. We have different rules for week days and weekends.
Week days - meals catered to their preferences (chicken nuggets, spag Bol, risotto - food easy to eat). Small portions but more available if they are hungry. Tv or radio on - yes I know I'll get slammed for that! Pudding of choice provided they have finished their plate.
Weekends - more adventurous food (I love cooking) and zero choice in what it will be but not expected to finish it but they must tried it, no tv, meals expected to take longer.

Regardless of day they have to go to the toilet/wash hands before we eat to solve the mucking about issue.

We have quite relaxed meals now - less so when I was prescriptive.

In terms of the behaviour being communication, it's what they are trying to achieve from it rather than they like behaving that way. Does mucking about get them attention (even negative attention is better than none)? It's hard to say what they are trying to communicate without a wider picture of your family life.
What's your relationship with them like otherwise?

I find meal times frustrating and with big age gaps our youngest (4) is now only just coping with family meal times so we've had a lot of years of frustration and struggle!

Easier said than done but ignore the bad behaviour and focus on the good. Reminders of what to do rather than telling them what not to do can be helpful. I'd start by getting a nice conversation going and reward good behaviour, start by picking 2 specific things eg sitting nicely in chair and keeping food on plate. A sticker chart with a sticker each for each good behaviour and ten stickers earns some kind of prize (or pocket money).

I wouldn't worry too much about what they're eating until you've got the behaviour under control so serve food you know they like.