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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Trying not to be mad at DH

41 replies

SciFiG33k · 06/04/2018 08:22

I take almost all the days off in the school holidays with DSD. DH refuses to saying he doesn't have enough annual leave. Have talked to DH about going abroad later in the year for a week. He doesn't want to go with me. Wants a week annual leave at home to get drunk with his mates. All well and good. I've said so is he also taking the week off in the school holidays with me to go away with or look after DSD. Oh no he can't do that, he doesn't have the leave available. But does have it available to have a week for himself. Can't understand how someone who choose to be a patent can put themselves before their own kid.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thethoughtfox · 06/04/2018 13:41

Stop taking the time off. Let him sort it out.

backinthatdress · 06/04/2018 13:50

dont take the time off, when he wont even take time off to go on holiday with you all.

id leave him, he sounds terrible

sparklefarts · 06/04/2018 13:53

You what now? You put up with this? The child's mother also puts up with this?
This is a real grown up man?
What?

timeisnotaline · 06/04/2018 13:53

How can you be attracted to someone who can’t parent their child and doesn’t seem to value you? I’d tell him I’d cancelled my holiday leave and he would have to work out something for dsd. (I know you like her and maybe you can make it up to her, but you can’t just sit there and let him do this?!)

HeebieJeebies456 · 06/04/2018 17:09

So basically he will only do as he pleases?

Why are you still with him?
Why are you enabling this behaviour and allowing him to treat you with disrespect-and contempt?
DSD may well be an angel but that's no reason to martyr yourself.

Original poster

SciFiG33k · 06/04/2018 20:52

Yes he can be very selfish. Basically he puts his wants and needs first and then considers DSD and I.
When he wants to be he is a lovely husband and father. He is also very good at throwing the two of us his crumbs just when ive had enough. Thankfully he is also a wonder at the house work.

This holidays I've got a week off with DSD, and her and I have just come back from two nights holiday to see my parents. DH didn't want to come. I've also booked 4days off in our July 2week holidays. And was going to book a week away for myself near the end of the year and still have the week off in the october school holidays.

I just hate disappointing DSD. DSDs mum works from home so on her days DSD just plays quietly there or she goes to one of her grandma's. If I don't have her in the holidays DH just sends her to one of them for the day. So we have plenty of options. I just get mad that DH would put a week of drinking before his daughter. And I really do just take the time off because she is a pleasure to have around and there are lots of fun things we can do together to fill the time.

OP posts:

Original poster

SciFiG33k · 06/04/2018 21:01

Argh I'm such a mug aren't I. But I don't think I could do any less than my best for DSDs sake.
Oh and no I haven't any intention of having children of my own.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 06/04/2018 21:09

@SciFiG33k I'm very sorry for you.

privateporcupine · 06/04/2018 21:15

*I don’t think I could do any less than my best for DSDs sake
*
You’re enabling her shit dad. That’s not best for her. Best would be telling him to grow the hell up and be the dad his kid deserves.

Magda72 · 07/04/2018 01:35

What @privateporcupine says. Seriously despite your good intentions you are not helping your dsd & you're being taken for a mug by both your dp & his ex. If she works from home why on earth do you have her during school holidays?
I work from home precisely because I can be here during school holidays!!!

seventh · 07/04/2018 01:40

The problem is DSD is absolutely lovely and I quite happily take time off in holidays to spend time with her. Just feel so sorry for her that neither of her parents are willing to do the same

That is sad. But if neither will change/ step up, what will you do?

Keep feeling angry and empowering him/ them to be irresponsible dicks?

Or??

Quartz2208 · 07/04/2018 09:26

Yes but I don’t think you are helping she needs her Dad

Original poster

SciFiG33k · 08/04/2018 01:16

Not sure if it was the right thing for DSD but I've cancelled 4days school holidays leave later in the year and moved it to go on holiday with my family a few weeks after that. DSD didn't know I had the time off at least.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 08/04/2018 09:29

Not sure if it was the right thing for DSD but I've cancelled 4days school holidays leave later in the year and moved it to go on holiday with my family a few weeks after that

Excellent. Well done. Let DSDs parents sort it out.

You're a lovely person...and you know what? People tend to take advantage of lovely people. You deserve so much better than this in a husband.

NorthernSpirit · 08/04/2018 09:36

I agree with the above poster. You have done the right thing the dad needs to step up.

My OH has the kids (my DSC) for a week over the Easter holidays. I’m not taking any time off. They are his kids and it’s important that they spend time with their dad.

Wdigin2this · 08/04/2018 12:12

Trying not to be mad are you out of your mind?
I'd be bloody furious, and whilst I was giving him hell, I'd be packing his stuff and dumping it outside! You need to wake up to the fact, that he's a knob, that you're better off without!

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