Dreading school hols ....Activities for all children

[fizzymama]

My DH has 2 DC 10 and 12 and we have 2 DC age 3 and 5, I dread school holidays... it is impossible to find days out / activities to suit all ages - which in theory I know is not possible due to the age differences. Last couple of years I feel we have spent tons of money on zoo's, theme parks, museum's that we have rushed round in half the time because my SC are bored, been there before, sulking because they cannot have everything they want, (My mum always buy a me....) moaned and looked disgusted because we had a pic nic and did not buy food at the attraction (My mum always does... ), constantly asked what time are we going home. I feel they look down at me and have spoilt days out and the memories I would have had taking my children to these places for the first time. My DH even had to take 1 of them to the car on one of our days out due to his behaviour. It's upsetting and I dread it. We can't afford to do separate things all the time although he has taken them to some football matches without me and the younger 2. Believe it or not one if them even complained then. He's not really into football more rugby but they aren't rugby fans. Anyway last summer all hell broke loose as we went on a day out without them. I have a friend who used to work at an attraction so he got us some discounted tickets. I had had such a nightmare previously that I just wanted to enjoy the day. Anyway DH got flamed by EW for not taking them- she is actually part of the problem as she has continuously told them we will always leave them out. Which is not true. But is it unreasonable to have one nice day? I'm already dreading this half term and the summer hols are fretting me out already. What does everyone else do with such age differences? Any ideas welcome.

COuld you just ask them? Eg:

(To older kids): we are going to the cinema to see x, do you want to come or are you too old for that?

Or, do you want to come with us to (youngish attraction), or wait till half term and dad will take you to (older attraction).

You will have to do some split days- you would if they were all yours too!

Or, each child chooses one activity (from a list of you need to budget!), if they spoil someone else’s, they don’t get their choice (good for meal planning too!)

You might be best to focus on what the DSC like doing (within budget) and then trying to fit the younger ones into it. At 3 and 5 they'll quite often be able to tag along and just enjoy whatever is happening.

Some low-cost suggestions:

• swimming at the local pool, or find one with waterslides if there is near you
• park
• walk to a pub for lunch, possibly with the youngest in a pushchair or on a scooter to keep up
• (at home) junk modelling or arty crafty project - can be enjoyed at different levels by different ages
• exploring in the woods/den building. My DS enjoyed that with his younger half brother despite at 12 year age difference

I think it's fine to split activities sometimes with those age gaps, but you should offer the oldest the choice of coming with you and the younger kids if they want.

Also, it's not going to be a problem forever. In a few years the DSC will probably be off with their friends and not wanting to do family things, so good to include them while you still can

No advice, but couldn't scroll by, without saying.....bloody hell, I feel for you!

Split days out ? You DH takes them to the cinema and you take them to soft play? Etc

I don’t understand why it was any of the ew business that you went out with your kids all together.. I’m guessing it was a day you didn’t have contact with the SC anyway? What did you dh say when she ranted ?

We take our 2 children out all the time without my step daughter. It’s not our contact weekend and if I want to take my children to legoland/zoo/pub lunches I bloody will! Jack shit to do with his ex!

So your only meant to do stuff when you have the SC

Are you having them for the two weeks or just one? If just one, plan more fun activities with your kids when the SC are not there. When they are, value quality over quantity and there should be at least one thing, ideally more when they get to spend time with their dad only doing something they want without the little ones.

What about swimming? My children are similar ages and all love that, especially if there’s a pool with flumes. Or soft play with a trampoline park?
Groupon often has vouchers for milkshakes/waffle type places.
I often drag mine out a walk. After the initial moaning everyone enjoys themselves.
Could you take half a picnic? Like some drinks/snacks and buy some hot food?

Don’t think if this as being a ‘step children’ thing, it’s difficult with an age gap when it’s full siblings too. Plus your sc are at tha awkward tween age when parents are seen as beneath them . I bet they’re like to their mum too despite what they tell you. Having been through this age/stage with my own dc I’d say grin and bear it and kill them with kindness. I know it sounds daft but if you don’t give them a reaction they’ll get bored and stop making a drama out of everything.
I often take my eldest out with her younger siblings to the cinema or Starbucks or whatever, just somewhere nice we can relax and enjoy and have quality time together without having to worry about the younger ones. Could you take your sc to the cinema or something and your Dh stay home with your dc? Might help you develop a bind with them and they might be less inclined to whinge on days out that are geared towards the little ones. Or even things like letting them stay up late when the younger children are in bed and watching a film together.
I was a stepchild and it can be difficult not to feel bitter towards the children who have your parents full time. Especially at that age of hormones/changes at school etc going on.
Things that both ages have enjoyed are the beach / fairground rides / spending money in arcades / eating ice cream, shopping trips where they each get to choose a shop to look in (maybe buy something if they have pocket money)..
can you get the sc involved in helping your little ones to learn a skill? Make the sc feel valued - can they teach your kids to play football, or draw or whatever.
It’s difficult with age gaps, difficult with step children and difficult with pre teens so you do have my sympathies. Good luck.

Sorry so many typos, I should proofread. I meant I take my eldest out WITHOUT siblings.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Tanaqui - I think i will get them to choose their activity and do like you suggest if they spoil another day then theirs doesn't happen.

Candlelight- we have a nature reserve about a 25 minute walk away (at normal pace) with my 5yro walking it can be a little longer - but I suppose it doesn't stop them going ahead with their dad. There us often activities on in the summer and there's 2 different playgrounds and we usually have lunch/ tea at the nearby pub. However typical pre teens hate walking there want us to drive!!! But it's one thing I insist on is walking especially on a nice day . Obviously due to an ages of my 2 they will quite happily sit and play with arts and craft stuff elder 2 it's more computer games etc. But I think we will try swimming more. I'm not a massive fan of swimming but it's fairly in expensive and something we can all do. We have lots of pools near us.

Coco - you would not believe the furore that happens if we do something without them. We been recently to a retail park to pick up a reserved item. Not on theìr day, they detest shopping (My eldest at school) just had youngest with us. We had a family day out apparently ???
Last time it was a week day during term time not on a day we'd have them. I plan every thing from food shopping, haircuts, appts such as dentist etc all around the days they are with us but she had a right whopper about it. Said she is protecting SC so they are not left out, thing is she tells anybody everything, kids hear, and then repeat it all to DH. Although he basically told her to fuck off and we are allowed to go out for the day without them. And yes she actually believes we should only do things as a 6.

Swing- it's 3 days each week. And in the second week I'm at work 2 of the days so DH will have them all, it's not ideal but I couldn't afford all the extra time off. DH will also work round the time he doesn't have them. Tend to stick to similar pattern in the summer.

Time to- I think I will look out for vouchers and discounts and maybe look at half and half, attraction food is ridiculously expensive for what it is but maybe once or twice we could do it.

Blackandwhite- Thank you for your words, I know they are at that age and I do know they are a nightmare for their mum too. It's just disheartening when you feel like you have put a lot if time and effort in and it doesn't feel appreciated. I never give a reaction, I just say we do things different as to when they go out with their mum. They always eat... so it can't be that bad I suppose. There's no problems with the relationships between us or children they love playing with each other. DH and I have talked about it and think it's just managing their expectations mum has 2 to fund, we have 4, and it costs more and we can't always do as a 6 what they can as a 3 (I say 3, mum has a partner so sometimes it is 4) DH does take them quite often to a park near us where they can play football too and the younger ones don't tend to go so he does do things with just the 2 of them.

Do they get to do things out of the house with their dad only? If not maybe that's why they act grumpy. Clearly not an option when their dad hgeir to look after the 4 of them but maybe a morning or afternoon when you can look after the youngest.

Coco - you would not believe the furore that happens if we do something without them. We been recently to a retail park to pick up a reserved item. Not on theìr day, they detest shopping (My eldest at school) just had youngest with us. We had a family day out apparently ???
Last time it was a week day during term time not on a day we'd have them. I plan every thing from food shopping, haircuts, appts such as dentist etc all around the days they are with us but she had a right whopper about it. Said she is protecting SC so they are not left out, thing is she tells anybody everything, kids hear, and then repeat it all to DH. Although he basically told her to fuck off and we are allowed to go out for the day without them. And yes she actually believes we should only do things as a 6.

She’s deluded then if she thinks you only get to do stuff as a 6!
Last minute a couple of weeks ago we decided to take our kids to a trampoline park after school, we didn’t invite My step daughter For various reasons and as far as I’m concerned We have done nothing wrong! It’s none of my partners ex business what we do with our kids as far as we are concerned and she’s never dared say anything!
How’s it far that you would never be able to do anything with your children together but they get to do stuff with there mum? Your own children will grow up to feel resentful that they only get to do things when there half siblings are over, like they don’t matter when there not there.

Bold fail🤦🏼‍♀️

How do they know about the activities you do when they aren’t there? I would ask them if they want to go somewhere and if they say no then that’s something to do when they aren’t there and no need to feel guilty.
If we know DSD will enjoy something we wait to do it with her but when we have a free day we can’t hold off doing things with DD just because DSD isn’t there.
I’d get them to come up with activities they want to do and fit your younger ones into it then when they’re with their mum do the things more for younger children and just don’t mention it to your DSD or post it on social media so it can’t get back to their mum

How’s it fair that

Really wish you could edit posts!

Crikey. That scenario would send me rushing to find a summer full time job

Think an attitude overhaul is needed really. They need to know it's not okay to look down on you. Their parents need to try to work at a united front - though I accept the ex wife sounds unlikely to try. Sorry no practical suggestions on how to make all that happen - I'd be rich if I knew!

Fingers crossed for good weather and park trips and BBQs in the garden!

I think getting time with their dad alone would really help.

I have a 5 year old and a 12year old and it is hard to entertain them all.

Is their a bowling alley nearby? There is one by us that has £1 bowling if you go at q certain time. There is also a soft play attached, maybe bowling as a family then soft play with the little ones while they have a burger. (The one near us has all those things in one place)

Yes we do try and give them time with their dad. He normally takes them to the park - this is obviously easier when the weather is better, and at the minute all they seem to want to do is this latest computer game all the kids have !!!!. However, this week we made them go out as weather not too bad, they all went to park. He has taken them to football matches as an activity for them which the younger ones don't go to. On the 3 days we have them we try and do 1 main activity, and then perhaps something thst doesn't cost too much.
Coco - it's exactly how I feel, why should our younger 2 miss out because their mum thinks we have to do everything together?? Any tips on explaining this to SC ?? They do go every where with their mum, and I mean every where - yet because she has basically told them it's wrong and we are leaving them out if we do something without them they then tell DH they feel left out, and its all about our younger children. It's very frustrating.
User149 - my eldest is only 5 and says innocent things like I've been to.... or I did.... And we shouldn't have to keep it secret like another PP has said it's about changing their attitude and helping them understand it's not wrong.
We do keep activities that we can all do for when we are all together - and things geared more to the younger 2 when SC not with us. But sometimes we can't always do that.
Dextro- that place sounds amazing unfortunately there is nothing like that near us. We do have those activities but not together

I would really ignored the issue of you doing things with the youngest without the CS. Surely whatever these activities were were not things the oldest would have done anyway. Maybe it got relayed in a way that got mum to imagine things that has nothing to do with reality.

I am surprised that at that age, they would get excited at their dad taking them to the local park. My kids had longed got bored of the park by that age, unless it was with their friends. Also, not much interaction with parents when at a park.

What your OH should do is plan something to do with them in advance to them coming so they have something to look forward to. The football game was a great idea. It might be that one of them moaned about something but doesn't mean he didn't really enjoy it.

I wouldn’t let your kids miss out op.

We just say things like ‘well you get to do lots of nice things with your mum when your not with us just like (insert your kids names) get to do stuff with us’

I would just explain it’s not wrong and that (your kids) like to go out and do things too, and that how do they think there siblings feel when they come over talking about days out but they haven’t been on any so it’s only fair that you go out with your kids and when there round your all go out together.

Also I don’t think it should be a secret, like you said your 5 year old will mention things and of course they will they have had a nice time! And I hate this crap about don’t put it on social media! It’s your social media page, put whatever you bloody want on it!

If the ex says anything about you did this without the kids, I would just tell your dh to repeat that what you do with your kids in your time is none of her business. End off! If she keeps going on, end the call. Ignore any messages and just delete it before it’s opened.

I also agree that the ex is being ridiculous saying you can't do things without them. At 12 and 10 they should be old enough to understand that and not sulk. Would they really want to do baby activities anyway?

What about once a visit when the little two go to bed the games console comes downstairs and they have a game night with their dad. Get a pizza, you have a relaxing bath and leave them too it.

I know my 12 year old would prefer that than going to the park. It's something that they enjoy and their dad is joining in.

I have the same problem, my DSC are 17, 15, 11 and 9
Our ds is 3

It’s not really a step kid problem for me but an age gap problem

I’ve found we can keep either the 3, 11 and 9 yrs olds occupied or the 9,11,15 & 17 yr old but struggle with everyone happy.
It’s bloody hard, it wasn’t so bad when the 3yr old was little, he just got chucked in the buggy and taken along but it’s trickier now he’s older and more opinionated

Swingofthings- the eldest is football mad, plays for a team etc and usually that's the first thing he asks to do is go and have a kick about. The younger enjoys the football, but more for a fun kick about. He's more into the computer games. So Dextro that sounds like a great idea, they can go to Park for football, and later in the evening spend time on the computer when the little ones are asleep.
Thanks for all your advice coco - we're not going to let them miss out- like you say in reality SC go out with their mum too and so it's only fair our younger 2 do things as well. It is normally a play area or something like that aimed at younger kids. Neither me or DH do Facebook anymore yes I know !! So nothing ever is on there. We browse other social media sites but very rarely post anything.
Peony it's so hard isn't it trying to please everyone !! I'm thinking a lot of planning and organising for school holidays now !!

Sounds like the ex got upset about a particular, expensive outing that the DSC would have enjoyed but you did without them because you'd been given vouchers which made it affordable.

That's presumably not going to happen too often, so must of the time you can do things that DSC enjoy when they're with you and the things that they're too old for when they aren't.

Sounds like the ex got upset about a particular, expensive outing that the DSC would have enjoyed but you did without them because you'd been given vouchers which made it affordable

It doesn’t matter where the outing was, they are entitled to take there children out without the SC if it’s not on there contact day. The EW needs to butt out.