Concerned about child’s welfare

[RosieY5]

Hi

Apologies for the long post - bet feel I should but as much detail as possible

Have been with my partner for 5 years - he has 2 great kids - eldest lives us full time and youngest lives with us and mother 50/50 under CAO

The mother drinks excessively and has moved house recently but didn’t tell us where and said it was none of our concern where she had moved to and we were interfering with her new life - found out she has moved in a new home with her new partner and fiancé - they have only been together 6/7 months

The mother’s fiancé has 2 kids himself and only sees them for 2 hours supervised once a fortnight - cafcass have become involved with him and said that he poses a moderate to serious risk of creating further harm and has recommended he attend domestic violence, alcoholism and anger management courses - we recently found out he got in to a fight in front of the youngest child while he was holding his child - our youngest was so upset by this and was told not to tell me or daddy

My partner is obviously concerned about the mother’s fiancé as he is not able to see his own children without supervision - and has asked the mother to not let him be unsupervised with the youngest but she’s has not agreed - subsequently after becoming aware of the cafcass report and the need for a S7 report - the stuff written about this man is disgusting - involving calling his children c**ts - drinking excessively - violence - my partner has issued urgent proceedings that the youngest should live with us all the time and have visits with mother once a week And alternate weekends

The mother has now said that she has grave concerns about me as the partner and that I am addicted to ketamine and that is having an impact on how I care for the children - obviously this is not true !

The mother has requested I undergo various blood, hair and other tests to confirm this apparent addiction to ketamine - I am obviously more than happy to undergo any testes needed but wondered about the cost implication if this - the mother has said she does not want to take any tests herself as she has no concerns about drugs she is taking ! - is this onus on the mother to pay for these test if needed - or do we have to pay ?

Thank you and sorry it’s so long

Rosie

I don’t think the mother I should thinking ! - that’s the thing

We have spoken to our lawyer. It I was just wondering if anyone had any experience in this - and if anyone has had to go through drug testing - happy to go through whatever just wondered on cost etc -

Hopefully will get an answer soon - can see it costing £1000s and mother will not pay

Contact social services and get some advice on the situation and see what help you can get

I'm sure the courts and SS will see her accusations as malicious and ignore any requests for you to undergo drugs testing though, won't they?

No personal experience but I hope you manage to get this sorted.

Surely SS will be supportive given the situation with this fiance and his DC.

I’d like to think - we have put a call in to the Cafcass officer who is dealing with the mother’s fiancé and his 2 children but await to hear from them - we have asked for judicial continuity so that everything said about him in court can be shared with us - hopefully they will allow that - I just don’t want the little one to be ignored in this and have to live in that house with this horrible man

I don't think its any of your concern how long they have been together or moved in and are engaged.

ohmyday are you mad?
If it was your husband's child moving in with someone who is only allowed supervised visits with his own kid, wouldn't you be worried?

The mother can live where she wants, but the father is trying to protect his child and that is completely appropriate.

ohmyday ordinarily I would probably agree with you - of course the mother has every right to move on and live with a partner of her choosing - however when the partner of her choosing is abusing alcohol, violent and has been recommended to undergo various courses by cafcass - and not to mention he is not allowed to see his children unless it is supervised - I think then it becomes our problem

The comment about them only being together I feel is relevant - of course as said before the mother should move on - but moving in and subsequently becoming engaged to someone within 6 month so whilst he is undergoing a S7 and Cafcass report - I feel is a bit too soon - added by the fact the mother tried to hid it from us and told the child not to tell myself or daddy about who they were living with only raises suspicion !

What proof of your so called addiction has she got....what is
Ketamine anyway? Surely someone can't just accuse you of something like this without reasonable evidence?
I'd be doing whatever it takes to get those DC out of that situation, and I'd never allow their DM's partner near them again!

Am with wdigin - I’d be talking to NSPCC and a solicitor if I were your DP and getting residency. Even if it means career takes a back seat.

Ketamine is used to tranquillise horses!! She sounds batshit op.

Actually Ketamine is regularly used on people and regularly by people as a recreational drug, but it is a strange choice of drug to accuse OP of being addicted to.

Is there an update OP?