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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Nits . . .

16 replies

HandMsmummy · 22/02/2018 13:19

First time posting and a bit of a long one sorry . . .

My partner has a seven year old lb from a previous relationship. Long story short she is a pants mother and see's him as pound signs and a way to get attention. She doesn't care for him properly either. Unfortunately it isn't bad enough for us to have him taken off her (that is a different rant all together). Any way I have twin boys who are coming up a year old. I found Twin 1 to have bloody nits two weeks ago so treated him and searched twin 2's hair too. He was clear . . . Both of us adults were clear too. I put it down to older brother as these things are easily picked up at school. This past weekend I picked him up to notice he had had a hair cut (only had one 3 weeks before so wasn't due) so I made a comment to his mother saying oh you've had another hair cut and left it at that. Today I've noticed twin 2 has nits now and they are very small. Only place they could have come from is older brother at the weekend. When I tried to check his hair at the weekend he kept brushing me off and saying I don't have anything in my hair. It's clear. Which I thought was a little off.
I've just message my partner to stay all four of us are being treated tonight so that we are clear and older brother is getting it at the weekend. If he refuses he goes home until it is done.
My partner refuses to believe that it could be the eldest even though he knows he often goes all week without a bath etc. For some reason he won't see any bad said about lb or lb's mother even though she stopped him from seeing him for four years.
Am I in the wrong to want him treated too?
I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle with a seven year old over who makes the rules in the house and battling with his mother over who parents my kids (my partner doesn't want me disciplining the seven year old in case he tells his mother). I have a feeling something has gone on recently that I am not aware of as this has been worse since she split with her husband in October (they are now back together yet again) . . .
Please help . . .
And any tips to keep nits away as I feel this will happen again and again and yet somehow I'm the one getting blamed for it happening

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ohreallyohreallyoh · 22/02/2018 13:56

why would he say anything bad about his own child? in fact, why is having nits an inherently 'bad' thing? It happens - to clean people. It is not a reflection on the state of hygiene in a home or of a person. As for not saying anything bad about his mother, he sounds like a decent man who is trying to get on and put the past behind him. Why do you need her to be 'bad'? so you can be 'good'?

Getting rid of nits can be difficult and does require a certain level of commitment to it. For context, I am a teacher, perfectly clean (we all bathe every day) , and we have had nits 3 times in the last year. At least twice, I suspect the issue was me!

ClaryFray · 22/02/2018 19:22

Nuts are buggers, if there going around the school then sadly it will keep coming back.

lifeandtheuniverse · 22/02/2018 20:07

Glad you are not my childs step mother - the likelihood of your twins getting it again is high, especially when they start school.

Not sure how you are going to lay that at DSSs door then.

Banning him from seeing his Dad, unhelpful, nasty petty vindictive and unnecessary.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 20:10

I only bathed mine once a week. Didn’t know that made me a shit mother.

You should all have been treated the last time.

Kids get nits. Yours will too.

lunar1 · 22/02/2018 20:13

What on earth makes you thing you have the right to stop a young child staying with his dad?

NorthernSpirit · 22/02/2018 20:22

You have no say in what goes on at the mothers house. You might not agree with the way she mothers, but its nothing to do with you. You wouldn’t like it if she slaged off the way you mothered.

‘If he refuses he goes home’?! So you are dictating when the dad can see his son? You should be supporting contact. Nothing to do with you. It’s not the poor kids fault he has nits.

dementedpixie · 22/02/2018 20:24

His dad should check his hair rather than you. Nothing to do with how often a bath happens. You can't stop him coming over due to this issue

WhiteCat1704 · 22/02/2018 21:16

Of course you can stop him coming over. If he is to be around you and your children he is to be treated..end of..
If he refuses and OH doesn't sort the problem he should go with him.

And you can check his hair..he is lying to you and infesting your small children..

Pleasebeafleabite · 23/02/2018 06:22

There should be no arguments about it the 7 yo should be treated each weekend for three weeks and then regularly checked. In our house we all did it together adults and children there was no debate

I don’t agree with saying the child has to go back to his mothers but somehow your oh needs to realise treating his elder son is not optional

OP are your little ones being laid down on pillows or cushions where the older child lays his head? That’s a common way for babies to pick them up

Wdigin2this · 08/03/2018 22:15

Nits are not a sign of a dirty child, but they are bloody awful to get rid of....which S ridiculous in this day & age!

Justoneme · 09/03/2018 09:19

Gosh .... bit of a beaten here .... so everyone else on here feels it's okay for babies who are newly 1 to have chemicals poured over their heads .... sounds very distressing to me?

I don't see the big deal asking a seven year to have not treatment.... I don't see the huge issue of saying you are not coming till you are having the treatment. Makes me a bad personal also? I don't care .... I would care about the babies having nit treatment .... babies having nits is not common.

MrsMaxwell · 18/03/2018 18:32

For about 3 years my DSDs had nots everyb single weekend they came (and this was due to their mum not checking or treathe my them).

OH and I spent hours and hours combing through their very long hair every single weekend and eventually took them and got their hair cut a bit shorter (which their Mum wasn’t happy about but she was doing bigger all about the nits so we took that on the chin).

Not once did it cross my mind to not have them!

You are being ridiculous and unfair.

MrsMaxwell · 18/03/2018 18:35

*apologies for typos

Best way to treat them is to wash the hair and put loads of conditioner on and go through it with a Nitty Gritty comb very throughly every day until there are no signs of nits or eggs.

Dancingmonkey87 · 18/03/2018 18:37

You do realise bits actually like clean hair

Dancingmonkey87 · 18/03/2018 18:38

Nits’ bloody autocorrect

Saem12 · 21/03/2018 17:27

I would not send my child to his fathers if he had nits so he could pass it to the other children (esp babies) in the fathers household. How inconsiderate of the mother to do that. I wouldn’t send me child if he was sick, had nits etc until he was better. I certainly wouldn’t have children coming to the house with nits to pass to the children that live here... doesn’t make sense? Get treated at home before you pass it on to any more poor kids.

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