Splitting time up. How?

[Seabiscuit1]

Hi all. Wasn’t sure where to post but hope some of you can help. My DP has a daughter from a previous relationship. He has a very amicable relationship with his ex so he sees his daughter about 5 days a week. He either goes to put her to bed, spends the day with her at weekends or takes her to nursery.
This is all at his ex’s house. She doesn’t come to us. I would love her here but it’s not really my decision to make.
Anyway, I am now 6 months pregnant and due to finances, DP’s new job and me really feeling like I need to be closer to my family we are moving. Not too far but not in the same city as DP’s DD anymore.
Really just looking for ideas about what works best for making sure both DP and DP’s ex get fair time with their daughter. The little girl is not at school for another couple of years. We would love to have her and she will have her own bedroom in our house.
How can we make this fair?

I would say the main thing is start as you mean to go on. Don't go 50/50 just because dsd is not in school yet as the inevitable change once she starts school will be hard for her.
All the adults should decide who becomes the rp - your dp or her dm - & then generally speaking eow for overnights & and a midweek visit if it can be managed.
Small kids need stability & routine but make no mistake that the nrp is going to find the change hard.
But, put your dsd first & don't have the adults dragging her between towns just so they don't want to lose time with her.

Has he told the ex that he is moving? Really there is no 'fair', they need to discuss what suits all best. Why hasn't she be going to his (and your?) house? Surely that should have been the first move.

It’s good that your OH has an amicable relationship with his EW. But a few alarm bells sound for me:

He goes round to the EW’s to put his daughter to bed

Spends the day at weekends (am presuming at the EW’s?

Everything is at the EW’s......

Why is all contact at the mums? Why isn’t he having her at yours? Have you met the daughter?

How is the mum going to feel when contact changes? Sounds like everything is on her terms?

If you are moving cities, then this arrangement can’t continue. You have to do what’s best for the little girl, not what’s best for the parents.

It sounds like the little girl is still very young and has never spent time away from her mum and her home.

What would be best for her under the circumstances her parents have set up is an extremely slow transition to spending short amounts of time in her dads home with just him, building up time together and getting her used to being away from her mum and away from her home. Then gradually adding you into the mix.

If he it thinking of his daughter he will find a way to make this happen, in her eyes her mum an dad may as well be still together. This poor girl is about to have her world shaken by the sound of it.

Whatever you do, don’t agree to your DP going back and spending the weekend at EW!

I would think less time, but regular, consistent, at your home. Your DP should do the traveling. It will have to be a balance.

How old is your DSD and how long has this arrangement been in place?