Is it ever easy?

[Stacy07]

I just wonder what other people’s experiences are. I have a DS who is 7 and myself and DP are looking to move in together. Myself and DS have been on our own a long time and admittedly he’s very used to only me and maybe having a lot of attention but is keen to get new House and knows what we are thinking of as I try to include him to know how he feels about situation etc as he will always come first. DP isn’t as used to children, over all he is trying but there has been a few bumps in the road due to personally clashes and maybe taking things the wrong way. I think I’m quite sensitive and over protective of DS and underneath DPs serious exterior I think he’s secretly sensitive and feels he can’t say much without me biting back as he’s “not his dad” but it’s not the case but maybe I am a little over protective and anxious and panic at little things and think omg how is this going to work. But we want it to, very much so and I know I need to relax. DP can naturally be quite negative too which doesn’t help and something we’ve discussed and he knows he needs to make more of an effort. I guess I’m asking has anyone been in this position where everything doesn’t automatically fit from word go and is “perfect” is there a chance for things to settle.

It might get better or it might get worse. It really depends on whether you can both come to a compromise that you can live with. However, do NOT move in together until you've reached that compromise. It will be much harder once you've moved in, and more importantly, more emotionally damaging for everyone if you come to the conclusion that you can't make it work.

I think that is why I’m feeling a bit more anxious as I’ve been reading posts on here where things seem to go terribly wrong in some cases and I just don’t want it to be the case for us if we move in together so I’m thinking of putting it off. Just hoped for some positive experiences I guess as I know it can’t always just be so simple and easy and automatically fit together. Surely there’s work involved. I just hope me being as anxious and sensitive as I am doesn’t prevent me from letting it work as I almost just panic and want to give up at each little hurdle but I guess family life is never simple?

The positive stories tend to come when you iron out the problems as much as possible before you move in together. In your circumstances the problems you have now will likely intensify as none of you have an escape.

Take some more time and see if you an he can compromise, it would be worth it in the end.

Thank you

I found the first year very had, then it got easier as the blended family got used to each other, and DH and I got used to our different parenting styles.

Now 10 years on it is fine and we are happy.

Thanks so much for your reply, I think I just need some hope as I’m such an anxious person and maybe even tend to panic and look on negative side which I’m trying hard to change. I wondered if things would get easier as we all learned about each other and diff parenting styles and DS and DP learn about each other’s personalities and traits so your story gives me a glimmer of hope xx